Two sides of my brain
The first side of my brain is what i started with, a feminist who fights for women's rights, hates the inequality in the world, hates men who perpetuate it and finds it all so depressing that how the system is a step against us.
I however made a mistake, since i had unrestricted access to the internet from a young age, i ended up in bdsm communities and spiralled down from there.
Now comes the second part of my brain. The part that only gets wet from the idea of serving men. The part that fantasizes about a man using gaslighting or hypnosis to make me believe that becoming a Bimbo Trophy Wife, who only thinks about cock and dressing up, larthered up in pink and heels that are pencil thin. The part of my brain that fantasizes about the man convincing me how Patriachy is for the better or how even patriachy is more feminist.
Totally breaking my brain into pieces. However the first part of my brain is strong and holds me back from giving into such infantile fantasizes inflated by the taboo nature. I for one hope that one day that i can leave this bad habit and do away with the second part.