I’m seeking an intense, service-oriented, mentorship-heavy, Dom/sub dynamic that is about supporting each other to become stronger and more virtuous, and working hard together to improve the world.

I’m looking for a naturally submissive woman (age 23 to 34) who is extremely determined to self-improve and to make the world a better place, even when it’s hard, and who wants guidance, leadership, and partnership in doing that. 

If that’s you, or might be you, read on.

About me

I’m a 32 year old, straight, sexually dominant man. I split my time between San Francisco and Washington DC.

Above anything else, I prioritize personal integrity. I’ve thought deeply about right and wrong, and live my life in accordance with my provisional conclusions. I don’t lie. I’m vegan. I am careful to only interact with others in ways that leave them better off.

Professionally, I’m in a leadership position at a medium-sized non-profit, focusing on a project to change US policy and save millions of lives in the US and around the world. (I don’t want to go into details of that project on the internet, for privacy reasons, but it’s something we’ll talk a lot about, if we’re otherwise compatible.)

That mission is my first priority—I’m very dedicated to it. I typically work 60 to 70 hour weeks and most days I’m at the office for approximately all my waking hours. I’ve developed and practiced techniques for making this cadence sustainable for me, so that I can work hard without burning out.

When I’m not working, I spend time exercising intensely, reading (mostly history, cognitive science), writing essays, and hacking on software projects. But my work is the most important thing in my life. 

Physically, I am short and strong, with lean muscle. I have curly brown hair.

I strongly prioritize my health.  I exercise every day (mostly strength training and cardio interval training). I have put a lot of effort into optimizing my sleep so that I sleep very well almost every night.

Intellectually, I’m erudite and well-read. My background is in philosophy and psychology, but I’ve read and studied widely. I’ve been embedded in intellectual communities for my whole adult life. 

In particular, I have a developed worldview regarding how to do good in the world: the root problems to solve, the constraints and blockers to solving them, and the levers for making progress.

Interpersonally, I am emotionally attuned and have very strong emotional communication skills. I’m a good listener, I notice when I’m triggered, and I’m careful about holding my stories as hypotheses that are separate from reality. I almost never get angry, because I notice the earliest signs of anger, and dialog with them to express my needs more cooperatively and kindly.

Past partners and dates have expressed amazement and gratitude for how gently and skillfully I am able to make space for them even in the midst of conflict and difficulty.

Sexually, I am very demisexual. I don’t want to have sex with people that I don’t like and respect, and I have high standards for that.

I am a non-obligate Dominant / pleasure Dom. I enjoy taking control and pleasing my partner. However, I am not primarily sadistic—I rarely enjoy causing pain.

I am turned on by eager obedience, graceful submission, and moral / intellectual integrity.

I’ve been a hypnotist for more than a decade, and enjoy erotic hypnosis.

The sort of relationship I’m offering

I want the kind of relationship that is about improving the world, and about supporting each other’s personal development to that end. 

If you decide to submit to me, I will provide structure and guidance to you in cultivating virtue and in taking action to build a more humane world.

• The two of us often talk about ethics, and how to live a moral life in practice. 
• We work together to determine which skills and virtues each of us most need to cultivate, and then help each other develop them.
• We’ll regularly sit down together and discuss your personal development goals and, together, design plans for achieving them. I will hold you accountable for following through on those plans.
• In general, I will help you develop healthy habits: exercise, sleep hygiene, phone usage. (I will also expect your support in maintaining my own healthy habits.)
• When something is hard or challenging, I will hold space for you to process your emotions.
• I’ll teach you strategies for habit formation and behavioral change, effective learning, and problem-solving.

 

If you are a good hypnotic subject, we’ll augment all of the above with hypnosis.

I have gone far in my own personal development and my own depth of understanding of the levers and constraints of the world. I have a lot to teach. 

Additionally, I will train you to support me and my projects. This might include helping me prioritize and stay organized, talking through my open problems with me, and taking on admin tasks that I can delegate to you. I want a partner who is invested in finding new ways to support me, and support my mission.

Mine is an intense and sometimes challenging life. I work a lot and partnering with me will sometimes be lonely. Additionally, I’ll always be mindful of your limits, but I’ll also set high standards for you.

You will need to evaluate for yourself if I, and my mission, are worthy of that kind of service and dedication, that I’m asking for.

Honesty

Truth is a fundamental value for me. It is important to me that we have complete honesty with each other. I will never lie to you, even small “white lies”, and I expect you to never lie to me. 

I will make an explicit effort to build a high-trust relationship with you such that the two of us can say anything (including our judgements, frustrations, and deep feedback) in a way that the other party can hear, without feeling attacked.

This means that if I think you’re wrong or mistaken about something, I’ll tell you so, gently and without ego. I will always listen to you, and keep an open mind, but it’s critically important to me that neither of us  ever pretend to believe something to placate the other. 

What I want our dynamic to feel like

The two of us are a team, and we face the world together. We work hard to get better, and be a crack through which the light of Goodness can shine into the world.

You admire and respect me, and are proud to serve and support me. You trust my judgement, leadership, and strategic orientation.

I love you and appreciate your earnest desire to do good. I am grateful for your commitment and service.

You have my back, and I have yours.

We often talk about what we’re reading or learning, and what we’re curious about. 

We know that we can both be completely honest with each other, and that both of us can put in the interpersonal work to address conflicts or difficulties. We have an openness with each other that is rooted in that honesty.

I know you, and understand you, in a deeper way than almost anyone. I can tell when you’re feeling “off”, or when something is bothering you. I can see when you’re overwhelmed or at your limits. 

You trust me, justly, to be attending to your needs, and making sure that you are taken care of. When something isn’t working for you, you tell me, and we find a way to make sure you’re ok. You feel warm and safe in my company and in my arms.

Something like this:

He was a man who cared deeply for his friends, who, with few exceptions, were to be his friends for life, and in some instances despite severe strains. And to no one was he more devoted than to his wife, Abigail. She was his “Dearest Friend,” as he addressed her in letters—his “best, dearest, worthiest, wisest friend in the world”—while to her he was “the tenderest of husbands,” her “good man.”

...

He was not a man to back down or give up, not one to do anything other than what he saw to be his duty. What in another time and society might be taken as platitudes about public service were to both John and Abigail Adams a lifelong creed.

…

[He had] recognized at an early stage that happiness came not from fame and fortune, “and all such things,” but from “an habitual contempt of them,” as he wrote. He prized the Roman ideal of honor, and in this, as in much else, he and Abigail were in perfect accord. Fame without honor, in her view, would be “like a faint meteor gliding through the sky, shedding only transient light.

- Of John and Abigail Adams, from David McCullough’s John Adams, Chapter 1.

Relationship Trajectory

I am only willing to go forward with an intense relationship like this if we start gradually, and you have the ability to get to know me and evaluate for yourself, if this is what you want.

I imagine testing the waters with an online-only relationship. But if that goes well, I would invite you to spend 3 days living in an airBnB together, and seeing if there is potential for an IRL relationship as well. Even if our relationship is mostly online, we could meet up like that several times a year.

Eventually, if we’re a good fit for each other, and our relationship is proving mutually supportive to both of our lives, I may invite you to live with me full time.