u/Commercial-Baker7486

1 compliment strt/conversation

1 compliment clicks

1 compliment sttore

1 conversation store

1 compliment street

5 sets big wins

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My motto

"Success isn't they like you. Success is opening.

Results don't matter. Skill Matters. Results are a natural byproduct of prioritising skill."

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How I feel about today's session:

Wins on today's session. I feel great about today. It was exhilarating. Cold approach is healthy lol.

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Goal today:

4 sets.

2 conversations.

2 compliments.

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What I did better this time:

-What I continually did best was just opening. Cold approach is one of those skills(like most), where just starting is the best way to improve. Not waiting for the perfect moment.

- One set I complimented a girl on the street. I just opened. Didn't care whether she'd like it or not. I just did. I'm proud of myself for that.

What could've done better was continue the conversation instead of rushing. Ask her about herself etc. Like what her culture is etc.

- Expressing myself freely in conversations I had. This was mainly due to not caring about their reaction but just expressing myself. Expressing my thoughts on the contexts/subjects. It's what makes for good conversations.

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Next session I want to focus on:

Getting in reps. Not worrying too much about mechanics. Just getting myself in conversational flow. Doing scary things.

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I feel kinda unsatisfied with today, it wasn't my best.
It could’ve done better or more. It’s a win regardless, i got 2 solid sets, yesterday i had about 8, so it’s 11 sets. Great wins!
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Goal: 
2 conversations
3 compliments.

What i managed to achieve:
1 compliment
1 compliment/conversation

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Missed set:
I was walking in the same direction as the girl, and her a little bit in front of me and I backed out in order for it not to be creepy. I initially spotted her from afar, and decided to pretend to go into the store and make it back in time. I think i read too much into it. She looked good. 

What i did right:

• Attempting to open the set.

What i could do better:

• Open the set by getting her attention. Saying hi how are calmly.
• Being present, being calm. Notice my immediate environment.

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1 compliment:
The girl was walking in the direction opposite to mine.
I greeted her, told her she looked pretty whilst walking forward. I didn’t want to stop her, I was fearful. I was scared to stop her and let her know whatsup.She responded with a thank you, i could tell she wasn’t really interested in me which is fine my approach needs work. And we moved forward. I notice I'm less likely to stop or talk to women when other people are around, because I think they may reject me in front of people, which is okay. This was a nice progression, I used to be deeply afraid of saying anything in front let alone greeting them. 

This one might have been a stud with the way she was dressed but still pretty.

What i did right:
-> Opening. Greetings, I've noticed going straight into a comment most times can be disrespectful. It also eases into the opener nicely.
-> Staring into her eyes whilst saying the compliment.

What i could do better:

-> Being more present/i was a bit in my head, she had amazing skin, i could’ve said hey you’re glowing. Then had a convo about skin or something. 
-> Besides that, walking slower a little before, letting her know what's up, being direct with her. Stopping her. Talking to her. Listening trying to visualize what she was saying. Instead of fussing over what to say next.

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Conversation/compliment:

She was walking in a direction opposite mine. I saw her a bit intimidated, greeted her but she continued walking, complimented her she said thank you, and asked if she was at the gym
She said yes. Asked me back and I said no. Then i quickly said she looked good again. I realize this was investment. 

What i did right:

• Opening the set. Greeting her and complimenting, she looked cute. I could tell she appreciated the compliment. That’s nice but not really the actual win.
• Asking her a question i was genuinely curious about

What i could do better:

• Getting closer to her(we were talking 1 meter apart lol). I notice I'm afraid of showing interest. (sticking point)
• Behaving calmly/being present. Noticing the environment, looking at her not thinking of what to say.
• Actively visualize the question.
• Not rushing to fill in the silence.

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What I want to focus on next session:

• Being present/listening in the conversation. It’s something I struggle with in my day to day life, I tend to focus on too many things at once.

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I’m improving, there were times where I thought it was over, but it was just an overreaction. I’m honestly proud of myself for taking action to improve this skill. I will thank myself one day i know it!
Thank you!

How I feel about Today's session:

I feel quite happy with Today's session. I didn't actively approach Saturday and Sunday. So I was a bit rusty. But improvement is showing and I feel great about it.

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Goal Today: 

Initiate 3 conversations 1 more than last week's one and give 2 compliments. I think I'll stick to last week's goal for now.

I managed 2 good conversations 3 compliments.

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Conversation 1

Old women walking in front of me and continue walking together. Initiated by greeting then complimenting her outfit. She was charmed and smiled a little bit. 

Then I asked, "Are you going for a date?" humorously. We laughed together. Then we talked about how dating is these days, where she's from, and all that. Ended it by going a different direction out of fear of messing up the convo.

What I did right:

1. Opening the set.
2. Humor/wit. It kind of just came natural.

What I could do better: 

1. Be present. I zoned out more times than usual.
2. Visualize what she was saying.

 

The fundamentals. I slept a few hours so I don't blame myself that much. 

Conversation 2:

Short conversation.

A women(30 year old-looking) standing at a pole. I was walking in her direction when I locked eyes with her and she had the most unique and most amazing eyes I had ever seen lol. 

I open by saying "what color are you eyes?" In shock. She says Green but they change colour.(In different lighting).
I stop a few steps ahead of her turn and face her with two thirds of my body faced at her. They're really hard to describe with words for me. 

I inspect her eyes even more in awe. Very beautiful.

And ask. "Are you human?!" With intent to tease her. She laughed and said "Yes unfortunately I'm human."

I say "yes unfortunately you are human.". 

The conversation hits a bit of a jam. Cause I started thinking of what to say panicked a bit. Saved it and said.

"They're really beautiful". She's says "Thank you".

Then she says "I haven't really received a compliment like that in while"

What I did right:

1. Opening the set.

What I could've done better:

I could've been a bit more patient with myself and not rushed into thinking of what to say. Trying to be present by focusing on the environment around us etc. and letting it come naturally. Not being in my head.

Here's the dialogue recording. The other one conversation is in a language I know a lot of people here don't understand. https://limewire.com/d/fiWGU#e7XotG4ehD

Accents are South African.

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What I want to focus on next session is, and practicing being present, thus calm and visualizing her words. And getting in more reps.

1 conversation 

1 compliment/conversation 

1 compliment stop

1 conversation checkers

1 Long Walk conversation 

1 conversation checkers cashier 

5 conversations in total

1 compliment where I stopped the lady and told her what I wanted to say.

6 sets

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How I feel about Yesterday's session:

I feel like Today's session was a good one. Not satisfying really. Though I really did a lot of things well. The growth is nice to see.

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Goal: 

2 conversations and 3 compliment stops.

I managed to get 3 compliment stops. 5 conversations.

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What I kept doing right in these sets:

1. Being calm/present. 
2. Listening. Visualizing what she was saying.
3. Being okay with mistakes in the conversation, not being pedantic about everything.
4. Eye contact
5. Not rushing to speak.
6. Leading the conversation.
7. Reading boredom and transitioning the conversation
8. Sharing my real opinions on the subjects we talked about.
9. Being funny. Though not intentional at times, it was something that cured the boredom of the conversation. Laughter is the best medicine!

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What I could do better:

1. Be more present. 
2. Flirting. A little bit. The conversations turned boring. Could've sparked it up by complimenting them maybe
3. Carrying one of the girls grocery bags. I didn't want to ask too early, so I didn't ask to carry them whilst we walked in the same direction. I think I could've done that once she was comfortable with me.

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Next sessions I want to focus on getting more sets in. I'm improving much quicker than I anticipated really. All thanks to a bunch of people in this sub.

Just more reps and polishing from what I'm seeing in terms of conversational ability, also need to improve on my humor because it's what's lacking from making conversations interesting and fun.

Quick question:

What's the purpose of a date?

Thanks!

3 days in a row. I'm seeing improvement as the days go on. I'm getting better each day and it's fire!

How I feel about Todays session:
I feel quite happy with what I've done. I pushed my comfort zone a bit. I feel super satisfied with what I did today.

Todays rough stats:
1 women 1 conversation. 1 women 1 compliment (not responsive). 1 women 1 short conversation. 1 women 1 short conversation. 1 women 1 compliment on street. 1 girl 1 compliment(cute). 1 brief conversation/compliment walking. Also a touching conversation with a homeless man.

In total: 5 or 6 sets

this week number of sets are about 17.

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Goals:

2 conversations and 3 compliments with a stopping opener.

I managed 4 solid conversations and maybe about 2 solid compliments.

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Conversation 1:

Was at the doorway at the store with the worker. Opened by asking what time they closed I hesitated a bit. Then asked her if she spoke a certain language. She said she's not even from my country. Told her I only realized once I heard her speak.
What I did right in the conversation:

1. I stayed calm, and non-reactive to "negative" facial expressions. (I've been practicing being present throughout my day which helps a lot with this)
2. What I could've done better was:

Continue being present, there was a moment where she asked me what I was looking for in the store. I freaked out a little and told her I was just looking around. Left the convo and went into the store. (I'm black so sometimes I don't want people thinking I'm about to rob the store lol) Genuinely. But I'm working on that fear.

I could've maintained calmness and continue the conversation going for a little longer and not be scared by what she asked. But I just disconnected from the conversation and left.

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Conversation 2

Struck up a conversation about a she product she was looking for. She talked back to etc. Asked if she was a teacher(it's a) She said no,
What I did right = Opening

What I could do better =

Concentrate, it was in a place where other people who I had just talked to were looking at us so I kind of lost focus. The conversation hit a boring silence, and I ended it by saying "Have a good day". Though I was actively visualizing what she was saying, but it didn't come to mind. This was a cute women. I was kind of intimidated but nonetheless I opened.

A little bit more volume in my speech. Stand in one spot and sit with the discomfort for at least a little longer.

Conversation 3 (Best conversation this week)

I walked up to one of the ladies in the store and asked her a question. If they had a certain product, she said she doesn't think so. The stores had no boards to categorize products so I told her that. Then she vented to me a little bit about how frustrating it is working without them. I told her that's true, they can't expect you to memorize where every product in the store. And made her laugh by saying the store is as big as another poplar store. Ended it there and left the store. Felt a very warm feeling after that interaction and I still feel it right now.

What I did right:

Whilst walking up I remained calm and chill despite a little disinterest from a compliment I previously gave before to someone else. Walked calmly and chill, she had a bit of resting bitch face(it was a little before closing time, and I'm pretty sure she was tired) but still I talked to her. I think it's what made her comfortable with the venting lol.

I actively visualized what she was saying which made my responses more appropriate. And even funny lol.
Great volume in my speech.

I maintained eye contact. But I kind of intimidated her.

What I could improve on:

Standing on one spot. Or mimicking her body language/motion? In order to keep the conversation going.

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Compliment in store:

They were closing and I imagine she had a bad day at work.

Anyways I complimented her by saying she was beautiful, she replied with "okay" but not okay exactly. I asked her something else, I can't remember it. She ignored it I said something in the end to let her know that I wasn't there to bother her and left. She wasn't even looking at me directly. Walked down the isle, there were two women workers who probably heard that. I greeted them in a calm manor. Though they looked pissed. I think these workers were all having it today lol + it was closing time so I can imagine.

What I did right:

Reacting calmly and speaking calmly.

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Compliments and other conversations were brief. I won't analyze them today. But in general

What I did right in those:

1. Being grounded. Being calm and focusing only on talking to them. Which worked like magic lol.
2. Trying to visualize what they saying. Helps keep me present. It's a cheat-code.

What I could do better:

1. Giving the women the conversational burden. I need to work on this. Lead.
2. Be direct in wanting to talk to them. I half-approach. Being more direct about wanting to talk to them. By 1. Speaking up - 2. Showing that with my body language.

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Next session I want to focus on being more direct with my opener, and being present in my conversation by visualizing what she's saying and not being in my head. Also for compliments, I want to raise my volume so it can be heard.

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I've talked to a little more than 40 women over the past two weeks. And I've noticed, reps are very important for growth in this skill.

I'm slowly busting beliefs I had about myself, women and people one day at a time. I'm learning soo much about people in general as well. Online people paint people irl as bad and all that, but a most of my interactions are respectful and warm. People aren't really that bad irl.

Thank you!

Two days in a row. Wins. I'm improving gradually. I wrote down a quote that I repeat to myself after every "success" and after every "rejection". I got it from u/becomesharp

"Success isn't they like you. Success is approaching/opening." It's really sinking in as I've noticed I'm starting to value approaching rather than the results of approaching.

Todays rough stats:

2 women 2 compliments. Great stops. 1 women long conversation. 1 women 1 compliment + conversation. 2 women 2 compliments(1 set). 4 compliments/statements where the women just continued walking(moving sets)(mostly my fault for not at least stopping and saying what I wanted to say). 1 compliment where she said thank you.

So basically 4 solid sets.

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I feel pretty good about them, I sorta pushed my comfort zone here and it felt quite satisfying. Also one funny realization that there are soo many women. I walk the same roads and each time there's always different women haha. It's a big world we live in. One thing I hate is that I just freeze up in malls/shopping centers. It's so scary for me. It's a sticking point. But at least I compliment or say something to the women.

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All the sets happen to be whilst I'm walking in the street to my day game area(a mall) for context. Moving sets.

Anyways goal today was to improve my opening by approaching at least 5 women, compliment 3 but not in a passing way but stopping and stopping her as well and complimenting her, as well as have at least 2 conversations with women.

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Set 1(Great Set)

I was walking on the street. She was coming in my direction. Greeted her, slowed down and maintained eye contact. And complimented her on her outfit, and she loved it and smiled/giggled. It was impressive, and it was smooth no lie.

What I could've done better was to continue the conversation, the opening was that amazing lol.

Set 2 (great)

same thing. She was with her little brother(I think) from him from school. I stopped and told her she was pretty. She kept walking(slow paced). I asked if the boy was her son, she laughed but not it's a funny laugh, but that's shocking kind of laugh said no but didn't clarify how they relate. She continued walking, and the boy just kind of looked at me with curiosity he was adorable lol. And they went forward. I tried talking but she just kept walking forward, and ignoring. I can count this as a conversation set.

What I think I could have done better was be more inclusive by greeting the boy as well. Stop a little bit sooner than I did perhaps because I stop when we are like shoulder to shoulder.

Set 3 The Long conversation

Walking in the same direction. Greeted. Assumed the language she spoke. She said she's a different one. Went in depth from where she came from, where I come from. Overall warm energy from herself. We walked together until a certain point where I felt like the conversation was about to get boring and turned to a diff road. Ended it by asking her name and telling mine. She liked the interaction from what I saw and felt.

What I did right was opening. Naturally the conversation formed and we kind of clicked naturally. She carried the convo at times. She looked 28-29 years old. I'm younger, 18. So I kind of expect that? But it's not something I'm proud of.

Set 4 short convo

Same as one before. Difference is opening was a compliment and we were walking in opposite directions.

What I did right = opening.

What I could have done better was stopping and saying what I wanted to say. Instead of whilst in walking motion. Also she stopped(she wanted to hear what I said) and we had a talk. I wish I stayed a bit longer in this one and got to know her better. Her body looked amazing and she looked cute.

Mall sets(not big or busy)

This is where they just kept moving on without saying a thing. Or just semi-ignoring me. These I find hard. The fear is so strong. It stems from seeing videos online of men being flat out rejected in environments like these. Plus in these environments I have to just flat out approach, otherwise I'll seem like a creep just following them around the store.

Win = saying what I want to say.

Improve on stopping them and telling them what I want to say.

Missed important set

I saw this very attractive girl in front of me in the mall but was afraid to approach her by stop her by running in front of her and talking to her. I really fear embarrassment I've noticed. It felt like she wanted me to approach in a sense. Like the way she positioned herself and stuff. What should I do in a set where the girl is in front of me?

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Next time I want to focus on my opening. More specifically, kindly stopping the lady if I should and telling her what I want to say.

Hhooo that was long.

Questions I have are:

1. What should I do in a set where the girl is walking front of me?

2. What do I do when the girl is on a call/on her phone? I normally skip these sets because I don't want to disturb her or anything.

Thank you!

Today's session was a satisfying in terms of reactions. But the true success is in opening anyways.

1. My goals before going in were to initiate at least 2 conversations and compliment 3 girls. What I managed to achieve were 5 solid conversations with girls, and 2 compliments. 7 solid sets.

2. What I did right.
   a) Conversation 1, Came across each other walking in opposite directions, maintained eye contact and told her she was cute(She was lol). She was interested in me and stopped, I was scared to stop because I was afraid she was going to walk away from me in front of people = embarrassing. She asked why I kept walking forward. She asked me why I was walking away. Then I just went to her.
   I asked her name, what she spoke, and she laughed a lot throughout the conversation. I asked her for her number, and she said she had a boyfriend, I played along thinking she was serious, looking back I think she was just joking. I was confident throughout the convo, maintaining eye contact and making jokes. I liked that interaction. It was satisfying.
   What I could've done better was to stay longer in the set because that was the goal, not getting numbers or dates. What I did was end the conversation early. I could've stayed present by noticing the environment and listened(visualize what she's saying to what she had to say and comment on that or whatever came to my mind,

b) Conversation 2, I asked a pregnant lady if it was baby number one. She said asked why. I said I was just curious. Then it ended there. Opening was good imo. What I could have done better was being present, listening what she had to say. Looking back I could've said "I wanted to say happy mothers day but I can't now can I."(even though it was to days back) instead of being in my head and saying I was curious.

c) Conversation 3-4 were with store workers. One of them was looking at me like she wanted to eat me up hahah. What I did right = Compliments. Being calm/trying to be present. Opening! One of them looked a bit annoyed. What I did right was trying to persist in conversation. I also asked a question I was genuinely curious about. I could've tried to have been more present in the convo.

d) Conversation 5 was with a old lady whilst walking, told her I liked her jacket. I don't remember her responding. I told her I'm sure it's really warm. She kinda laughed.
What I did right. Opening. It was a short interactions.

In general. What I could do better is to speak with more volume. Be more present, and listen in conversations.

Next session, I want to focus on is opening, because that's what I fear.

What a win 7 approaches today! Over my initial goal for the day.

I approach 10 women this week so far. A personal best! Over 3 days. It was just a conversation with them. Right now I'm trying to get to at least 20 reps a week.

2-3 of them were gorgeous/good looking. And they liked my approach. It felt rewarding after the approach.

I noticed that I'm more comfortable with saying compliments to women now. And that it's the approach itself where I feel fear, not having actual conversation itself.