I feel like I blinked and suddenly everyone I know is either in a long-term relationship or married. Meanwhile I'm 22, just started my first real job in finance, and I have no idea how to meet people anymore.

In uni it was easy - same classes, same CCAs, mutual friends, hall events. Now I wake up at 6:30, commute to Raffles Place, work until 7 or 8 most nights, come home exhausted, repeat. My social circle has shrunk to my three closest girlfriends and my colleagues who are mostly older and married.

I've tried the apps (Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel) and honestly the quality has tanked. It's either guys looking for hookups or guys who seem decent but have zero conversation skills. I've been on maybe fifteen first dates in the past year and maybe three second dates. Zero thirds.

I've tried going to social events - a networking thing, a yoga class, even dragged myself to a friend's church group. Everyone seems to already know each other or be in couples. Approaching strangers in Singapore feels so awkward, like you're violating some unspoken rule about minding your own business.

Is this just how it is now? Do I need to accept that meeting someone organically is a myth and I just need to slog through the apps? Or are there actually places/events where single people in their early 20s congregate that I'm missing?

Would love to hear success stories of how people met their partners post-uni. Feeling like I'm going to be single forever at the ripe old age of 22 lol.

Hey Reddit,

I'm on a personal mission to become more sociable, and I need your honest advice. I know that to connect with women and earn respect from other men, you need charisma and charm when you speak. But I keep hitting two massive walls:

1. My mind goes completely blank.
I can hold a conversation for about 5 minutes, but then my brain just shuts down. I feel like I have nothing interesting to add, and the awkward silence kills me.

2. I have the face of my worst enemy.
Literally, my own coworkers have told me: "You always look angry" or "You have a face like you hate everyone." And the worst part? I'm actually chill on the inside, but apparently, my face tells a completely different story.

The problem is, this is starting to show in my daily life. I notice that people I interact with lose interest in me pretty fast. It starts okay, but after a few minutes, they're checking their phones or looking for an excuse to leave.

It really gets me down when I see my acquaintances who always know exactly what to say—both with guys and girls. They're the magnets of the group. Everyone seeks them out to make plans or just to hang out, and I'm left standing there like a spectator.

I don't want to be the loudest person in the room. I just want to stop scaring people off and have smooth conversations without feeling like I'm putting on an act.

My question for you (and I need practical answers):
Has anyone here successfully gone from being "the serious/intense one" to being a likeable, smooth-talking person?

• What mental exercises or tricks do you use to never run out of things to say?
• How do you handle your facial expression? Do you force yourself to smile 24/7, or is there a trick to not looking pissed off?
• Any books, YouTube channels, or practical exercises you'd recommend?

TL;DR: I'm a decent guy, but my angry resting face and lack of conversation topics are pushing people away. I want real, actionable advice on how to be more charismatic without feeling like I'm faking it.

I often see people saying that the Mystery Method is outdated, which I find a bit confusing. Outdated in what way? The structure? The canned material? Kino escalation? That said, I do tend to agree regarding the canned material. I don't know how they sound to native English speakers, but I speak Portuguese, and to me, they sound strange, even stranger if translated literally.

But above all, there is something important in the MM: the fundamentals. The entire logic behind escalation, isolation, group theory, and generating emotions seems very solid.

I’d like to ask the more experienced guys here what they think about the MM in Latin America. I live in Brazil, where PUA is something nobody knows about. The MM itself hasn't even been translated into Portuguese. From what I’ve gathered, only *The Game* and *Rules of the Game* have translations, but they aren't well-known books, considering *The Game* has only 500 reviews on Amazon. In any case, *The Game* is more of an entertaining read than a practical guide. No one is going to read it and turn into a PUA, a seducer, a player, or anything of the sort.

Haii, I'm 18F, a virgin and only had one boyfriend in my life. I've got really shitty social skills, barely leave the house and I just feel really pathetic and hopeless. I really want to make a change and try be able to make the first move since I'm starting college soon but I have no clue where to start ߹𖥦߹ any kind of tips or anything to approach guys without being cringe or scaring them off would be super appreciated, ty :D

Late last year and into early this year, I felt like I was having the most success with women I have ever had (27M). I have a spreadsheet (I like data) of all of the numbers I have collected and what the result was. I have recieved about 73 numbers from cold approach in various locations including bars/clubs and in public places. After about March, for some reason, my game has taken a nosedive. I am apprehensive to approach in clubs (which I used to be good at) and much moreso during daygame, but I can't pinpoint where things have gone wrong. Are dry spells like this normal?

I really want to work on my daygame because it seems from my limited experience, that has been the most successful. Bars and club texts usually go unanswered, and while I've had a lot of success in that scene, I've had a much more positive experience actually getting dates from daygame (percentage wise), albeit my dataset is small. Last year, I started a job at a hospital connected to a University. I usually go to the campus cafeteria for lunch (so does a lot of the hospital staff), and I decided to do some approaches last year both during my walk and in the cafeteria itself. I only approached about 10-12 women in total, but I got 4 numbers, and two of them I went on dates with. After turning 27, for some reason I feel like I have totally aged out of that scene. Logically, one year doesn't make a difference...but I can't shake the feeling that someone is going to call me a creep or make a scene, or other people within earshot will have an issue. The age ranges of these women are all over the place, although the two girls I took on dates were 18 and 20, and seemingly had no issue with my age. Is the online perception just way different to how things are in real life? I feel like I had so much confidence last year, and now I just have so much apprehension.

When you're in a dry spell, how do you break out of it?

These days I’m going through some issues (health/academic/money) and kinda feel depressed and finds myself very much imperfect.

So when walking around the streets I got people staring or looking at me. Sometimes women when I’m walking but I can’t tell if they are looking with interest or liked what they see or they are looking because I look ugly or like freak.

Normally a normal person could understand but, like I said before I don’t feel like I’m likable these days so when somebody looks at me a feel like a freak show. Is there a way to tell who looks/stares why?

Note: the looking I mentioned and asked about is not random glances happen everyday. I’m talking about some long stares or eye contacts

I have been thinking about this for a while, and I am curious what people here think.

I wonder if some men become really interested in seduction partly because of earlier childhood or teenage experiences with women such as rejection, feeling unwanted, a difficult relationship with a mother or sister, getting bullied, being ignored growing up, or just generally feeling powerless around women.

I’m not saying that describes everyone here, or that wanting to get better with women is somehow pathological. A lot of it is simply fun. I know that’s true for me.

But I can also see how part of the motivation might sometimes be compensatory: I struggled with women before, so now I want to understand this and become really good at it.

If you worked through some of those older wounds or insecurities, would your dating life actually improve too?

Perhaps, you’d need less validation, take rejection less personally, enjoy interactions more, and stop feeling like you have something to prove.

In other words, improving with women isn’t only about better lines, better logistics, confidence, or social skills. A big part of “game” is getting to the point where you genuinely like women, like yourself, and can enjoy the interaction without needing the outcome to fix something from your past.

Does any of that resonate with you? 

In my personal experience, once I worked through my childhood and teenage traumas my game and business life improved dramatically. In fact, game allowed me to rekindle my relationship with my mother after going through a long rough patch. Since I have my mother's love, I no longer need the validation from the cute blonde at a night club.  

Cheers, 

Coach Sly

Too many times men match with women on dating apps, both people feel a bit horny late night and start sexting / sending pictures.

Soon after, the woman no longer wants to meet, goes cold, and stops responding entirely. She seemed fully DTF at the time, so what gives?

For a woman to hook up with a guy, two things are necessary:

1. Wanting your validation

2. Sufficient sexual tension

Sexting gives both away for free. She knows you want her. And by the time you go through all the "this is I want to do to you," all that sexual tension evaporates as well.

She knows exactly what you'll expect when you meet (sex, obviously). So nothing left for her imagination. Often women will get some remorse afterwards and will find it awkward to meet the man she spent all night with sexting.

So if you haven't met her yet, don't sext. Save it for in person.

1 compliment strt/conversation

1 compliment clicks

1 compliment sttore

1 conversation store

1 compliment street

5 sets big wins

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My motto

"Success isn't they like you. Success is opening.

Results don't matter. Skill Matters. Results are a natural byproduct of prioritising skill."

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How I feel about today's session:

Wins on today's session. I feel great about today. It was exhilarating. Cold approach is healthy lol.

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Goal today:

4 sets.

2 conversations.

2 compliments.

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What I did better this time:

-What I continually did best was just opening. Cold approach is one of those skills(like most), where just starting is the best way to improve. Not waiting for the perfect moment.

- One set I complimented a girl on the street. I just opened. Didn't care whether she'd like it or not. I just did. I'm proud of myself for that.

What could've done better was continue the conversation instead of rushing. Ask her about herself etc. Like what her culture is etc.

- Expressing myself freely in conversations I had. This was mainly due to not caring about their reaction but just expressing myself. Expressing my thoughts on the contexts/subjects. It's what makes for good conversations.

-----------------------------------------

Next session I want to focus on:

Getting in reps. Not worrying too much about mechanics. Just getting myself in conversational flow. Doing scary things.

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Most guys optimize themselves out of actually ever taking action towards getting laid, because they’re too busy figuring out what the “optimal strat” is for meeting women.

Spoiler alert, all of them work. Your brain is just in information overload from thinking and reading about this too much.

In my opinion, the following formula is the best way to figure out what you actually need to focus on right now to get laid and start getting consistent results.

And yes, I did structure it like a sales funnel because I’m autistic as fuck. 

1 - Top of funnel

Goal: Be in a situation where you talk to a real human female woman and get her contact information so you can keep talking. 

You can do this with:

Dating apps, bars, clubs, hobby groups, friend groups, work, school, social events, cold approach, cold DM’s on Instagram

All of the things I listed above WORK. All of them. If you are able to interact with a woman, you’re able to build attraction and ask them on a date. 

 Anyone that tells you cold-approach is dead is selling you an online dating course. Anyone that tells you dating apps are dead, is selling you a cold approach course.

The most important thing you do here is pick the ones you’re most naturally inclined towards and stick with learning them.  

If you’re extroverted and love to drink and party, learn to cold approach and run nightgame.

If you’re introverted and get burnt out from cold approaching or getting shitfaced at clubs (like me), dating apps, friend groups and hobby groups are your best bet. I focus mostly on the apps. 

All of these “methods” will have slightly different things and skills you’ll need to learn and focus on. 

Again, all of them work. The only way to guarantee no results is if you switch what you’re doing every couple of months because some retard on reddit promised you it’s the best way to get laid.

2 - Middle of funnel

Goal: Set up a time and place for meeting a woman 1-on-1, making romantic and sexual interest clear to her. 

Middle of funnel is arguably the hardest part of game for most guys. In this stage, your job is to get the woman interested enough in you to go on a date. 

In reality though, if you can just not be weird as fuck and seem kind of confident, you’ll be above average in this step. 

This part is nowadays mostly done through text, either on a dating app or once you’ve gotten a girl’s number. 

Everytime a guy says “why bother learning text-game”, I know they’re most likely hoeless, since this part of the funnel can’t be skipped in 90% of cases in modern times. 

If you’re going for one night stands from clubs, then this part takes place in person, but most beginners shouldn’t try to do that yet.

Why?

If you’re inexperienced with women, a mix of booze and sloppy sex with a stranger will usually end with a limp dick and destroyed self confidence. You’ll also destroy your health and wallet. Just my opinion though. 

Some tips for text-game, I have more in-depth stuff on my other posts:

• Don’t be needy and blow up her phone.
• Don’t be weird and overly sexual.
• Push the conversation forward towards a date and make your intentions clear.
• Match her energy, if she sends one word responses, don’t send paragraphs. 
• Tease her and say anything else than “how are you” constantly.

 

3 - Bottom of the funnel

Goal: Have a successful date with a girl. Whether that means a hookup, fwb situation, kissing her on the date, is up to you and your current progress.

This is part is dictated by how you behave on the date. For the most part, you just need to go on a lot of dates. When humans do a lot of something, they start seeing repeating patterns in that thing and learn it. My first 10 or so dates went dogshit, but you get used to it and learn.

Nowadays I legitimately have about a 90% success rate in fucking a girl after the first date. It’s not because I’m super charismatic or hot, I’ve just gone on a TON of first dates. 

Besides just doing it a lot, here are my top tips for making sure a date goes well:

• Venue should be chill and laid back. No dinner dates EVER. My go-to is a coffee shop, or drinks at a nice bar. I literally have 1 coffee shop where I take 90% of my dates. I know where to sit, how to order, what to order so I don’t have any autistic moments. Even small things like this will make you less anxious, since you’re going into a familiar environment. 
• Sit next to her, not across. This sounds weird to all beginners but once they try it, they get it. Less awkward and “interview-like”, you can peoplewatch and comment on random shit around you together, and it’s more natural and easier to touch her.
• Touch her. When you meet, hug her. When you go in, put your hand on her back. Touch her hand, shoulder, graze her thigh when you’re talking, stay close to her. If you feel anxious, great. That’s sexual tension, you just aren’t used to feeling it. This is the most critical piece of advice I can ever give. Touch builds attraction.

 

Your looks, confidence, status, height and all that other shit we love to complain about will either amplify or suppress the effectiveness of each of these steps.

But the reality is most guys have all these steps fucked up, so none of the other stuff matters at all. I’m skinny like an auschwitz prisoner and have a receding hairline, I can tell you that shit matters a lot less than you think. I get way more women now than when I had a full head of hair lol. 

Go through the funnel above and figure out where you’re fucking up right now. Do them in order, there’s literally no point in worrying about what to say on a date if you aren’t even talking to women.  

If you aren’t actively talking to women, you need to solve step 1 of the funnel. Figure out what method is most natural to you and learn it. 

If you’re actively talking to women but can’t go on dates, you need to fix step 2 of the funnel. Learn text game or in-person game for clubs etc. 

If you’re going on dates but they always go shit, you need to fix step 3. Start doing post game reviews with yourself after every date and try to identify what you’re fucking up.  Develop your confidence, personality and a strong identity. Yeah, that shit actually works, it’s not just cope. 

Most likely if you’re having nice convos on the date but they just “don’t feel chemistry”, you’re probably sticking to safe topics and not touching them. Be brave and start experimenting.

This is my way of solving 90% of dating issues, hopefully it helps some of ya’ll unfuck your brain and take some action.

Male 23 When I’m in a club or bar, I don’t feel like I belong. I feel like the nervous kid I was in high school who never went to parties cause he was intimidated by his schoolmates. I want to feel like I belong, but I don’t. I’m nervous around women not in a total sense, like I’m not afraid of them or anything like that, but I also see dudes much bigger than me and totally confident while I’m still over here trying to figure out what to say to a woman. The one thing that I just thought of right now was: I wish I had an experienced wingman. I can’t figure this stuff out by myself, or this feeling I’m noticing with this kind of stuff how do people make getting laid seem so easy.

It seems like in most hookups scenarios that I heard of, alcohol is always involved. For those of you that got laid without alcohol involved, where did yall meet woman at? Where did yall go on dates?

Today while walking around a college campus where I work at, a kid called me “sir” lol.

I recently turned 29, and have a girlfriend (been together for a year and a half).

But lately I’ve been thinking about how, IF we broke up, I probably won’t fit in among college parties and (some) night clubs anymore.

If we do break up, I probably won’t be interested in serious relationships for some time. But where can a 30+ man pull casual flings if not in clubs or parties? (Dating apps have never really worked for me, so I wouldn’t put my money on those).

I love my girl, but we’ve recently noticed we might not want the same things in life. We’re trying to figure it out, but that’s got me thinking. What if I’m single again? Where would I go now?

This happened to me A LOT back when I was new to approaching and it cost me more interactions that I can care to admit.

I'd come over and say hello, the interaction goes well, but then you can see her go from warm to a bit skeptical to "ok, what does this guy actually want?"

From her POV, unless you make your romantic interest unambiguous there's still that question in the back of her mind. Even if it seems obvious to you, smiling chatty, teasing, SHE doesn't know that.

Paradoxically, when you say "I stopped you because I thought you were cute," she can relax more because now she knows you aren't some salesman/religious person/weirdo/creep.

It also makes your read of her much more accurate. Until you drop your interest explicitly, and go for the number, the feedback you get is ambiguous from your side too.

Smiling and eye contact and being friendly is consistent with being into you.

Smiling and eye contact and being friendly is also consistent with someone just being polite.

Dropping your interest isn't a sure-fire way to weed out her interest (nothing is), but its much better than not doing it, and sometimes you'll learn exactly where you'll stand.

Recently I met a girl who I’m not into but she’s clearly into me (heard from a mutual friend). Despite not pursuing her she keeps inviting me to these parties. Through those parties I met even more girls who I’m interested in, and because this one girl who invites me is super into me, it really increases my perceived status when she constantly tries to talk to me at these events.

It got me thinking. What if there was a utility in not totally revealing romantic intentions to every girl you meet? Having the door open to have her invite you out and meet her friends could give you an opportunity to employ social circle game which could allow you to get girls who were previously out of your league.

I know this goes against general seduction advice which is usually to make intentions clear and only text to arrange a date. But thoughts?

I'm almost 29 and don't really do anything with my life apart from playing video games and occasionally workout, I still live with my family who have been toxic for me since forever, I don't have any friends, never had a gf, never worked anywhere, and never had any source of income.

I gave up on life long time ago, and don't really see anything good that could come out of it, and don't know what to do with my life.. There's so many things I wished I could've experienced, but nothing ever happened, never even had a 'birthday' message.

It's been 9 years since I last had a one night stand, and haven't made out or done anything remotely sexual ever since despite having a high sex-drive.

Is there a way for life to change?

Let's say I'm at a book store and I start talking to a woman. I'd ask questions about her. After I ask 4 to 5 questions, I'd stop asking and pause to see if they'd ask questions about myself. Maybe I'm wrong about this...I believe if they aren't contributing anything to the conversation, they are not interested in talking to me. If they don't ask me anything, I'd stop talking to them and move on. Am I not trying hard enough?

So it finally happened, asked out a girl who recently joined my part time a while back, and she turned out to be a lesbian. Whats funny is that she's dating a coworker, who i also asked out a couple of weeks ago.

When i got rejected, it just felt like relief, to get it outta my system. Now? Now that I find out she also dating the girl i also asked out and got rejected by a few weeks ago. Who was also the one that informed me of their relationship? I feel like i want to dig a hole and die of low key embarrassment.

No one ever said this journey would be easy tho lol.

I have no idea what to say to a beautiful woman. As soon as I meet one, I over think and draw a total blank. At this point, I have no idea what to do or say whenever I meet a lady, no matter what she looks like. Guys, help me out, please! It's not like I'm a lost cause, I've had success in the past. I'm just so out of practice (took some time to work on myself, it took a few years to get my shit together) at this point I have no idea what to do or say. Any genuine advice would be appreciated.

Posted yesterday about asking out a coworker, turns out she was a lesbian, and her gf was one of the other coworkers who i also asked out, and was rejected.

After I stopped laughing at how hilarious the whole situation was, I posted about on here, and one of the comments made me think.

I need to learn how to read the "vibes" between me and the woman I like. However I'm autistic AF. I can't read body langauge/texts/anything at all. Can barely carry a conversation with most people, let alone a woman.

My best success was when I cold approached a girl from university and got a nice date out of it. Unfortunately I fumbled that as well, but valuable lesson overall.

So im asking any other fellow autistic guys to share the tips they learned to help themselves out when it comes to breaking the ice. Thats my biggest problem. After I break the ice my autistic/add brain actually becomes a great asset.