To those who actually came (whether you realize it or not) seeking suicidal ideations, you won't find em in this post. But you should have a read.
Even if not required here, this would still be flared NSFW because I feel kids definitely aren't ready to read THIS, Least this OP feels it strongly...
TL-DR; I got so long, for once I thought I'd even use one of these myself. Im Sick, an your sick too, an one needs to see it in themselves 1st, before theres any chance of recovery...
So, I originally found that this was miles too long to ever post anywhere. It was a very old, bad, DARK borderline Evil tale. And I've pulled most all of it. I came to realize the only part I ever wanted people to read was at the end. So I pulled almost everything and just replaced most, with this quick (lol) explanation instead. I don't think I would have been okay myself, if I had of posted my original to be honest. It don't even belong in r/death. To be even more honest, if what's to follow should make absolutely 0% sense to just the whole of the internet. Only keep in mind, this was written by someone suffering a mental illness himself.
For record; Dial 988 it's always there. An if only to try an stop a string of DM's I feel comin my way. Let me say first, I'm not Suicidal... An as I feel, that's the first thing one will say to themselves, when their at least developing ideations. Yeah I said it. Let me try to say it better, I'm past that... I've been here before, an I'm over it now. Just, I've added this block you read now, lastly, after everything else. Only, one really should keep going there's good words to be found.
(I've deleted so much now, and it's all for the best too. Know what, did anyone else know, most subs will only let you post between 6000 to 12000 characters? I simply couldn't trim enough fat to properly tell the story anywhere. When I realized that Astonishing fact, I chose not to try to tell it at all)
Stop. I read all that back out loud, an none of this sounds right. (This had to be by far, the single, darkest, thing I'd ever though to put to Reddit.) An for once... There's no Sorry coming. It just doesn't seem to belong. But, I do wish you all, each of you... to only find Peace.
So at this point, would anyone care to know what keeps Suicidal Ideations from ever taking a hold on me again?
I'm speaking of a true physical impossibility, at this point, Actually... Ya.
Would you like to know what can keep these evil thoughts at bay permanently?
Just... I'm not mean, I'm not hateful, but I'm very depressed right now. You see? I'm Sick!!! I'm Bipolar (one) Only, I can see it nowadays... An If one can find a way to see a sickness it will help you. Of this? I can promise, an your always able to ask for help too. But this is only the first step, here comes the last.
There's something deep in me. A core tenant, driving principle, and my personal foundation as well. This leads me, guides me on my road. An I only had remind myself it was there to begin with. Funny part, I never had any idea when I etched this, into the back of my mind at such a young age that it would actually manage to save my life someday... I'm surely NO philosopher either. Yet this is deep profound wisdom. Only very simple and easy to grasp at the same time,
So here take it, only with my best wishes on the road, What drives me? And my apology too,
"What one man can another can do"
With that said thanks for reading, Later.