The standard advice is starting to feel like gaslighting, and I need to be honest about it.
I need to get this off my chest because I feel like I’m going in circles, and I trust this space enough to be raw about it.
I’ve been struggling with my size for years. I’m not here to give measurements or ask “am I small?” — I already know the answer, and so does anyone who’s seen me naked. What’s wearing me down lately isn’t even the rejection itself. It’s the advice that comes right after.
You know the script: “Confidence is everything.” “Most women don’t orgasm from penetration anyway.” “Just get good with your hands and mouth.” “Size only matters to shallow people.” I’ve heard it all, a thousand times. And I know it’s meant to help. I know some of it is technically true in a vacuum. But after a while, it starts to feel like my actual lived experience is being erased.
The world outside this sub doesn’t treat this like a non-issue. I’ve been laughed at. I’ve had someone literally stop and ask if I was “in yet.” I’ve seen the look of disappointment that people try to hide but can’t. Friends make jokes about small dicks without a second thought. Porn, social media, casual conversation — all of it frames small as a punchline or a tragedy. And then someone tells me “it’s all in your head” with a straight face, and I’m supposed to nod and say thank you.
It’s not that I want to wallow. I don’t. But I’m tired of pretending that the advice fixes the core wound. That wound is knowing that something intimate about my body is seen as inherently lesser by a huge portion of society, and no amount of tongue technique can make that social reality disappear.
So here’s my question for the guys who’ve been dealing with this longer than I have: how do you hold both truths? How do you accept that size does matter in the real world (in dating, in casual sex, in the cultural narrative) without letting that truth swallow you whole? How do you find a sense of self-worth that isn’t just “compensating” but also isn’t delusional?
I’m not looking for a pep talk. I’m looking for the real, messy, unfiltered way you navigate this. Because right now, I feel like I’m forced to choose between bitterness and self-deception, and I refuse to accept that those are the only two options.
Thanks for reading. I’ll be in the comments.