dreaming desi girl
I’m Ritika, 23 from India, and I need to confess something darker.
Two years ago, I broke up with my Indian boyfriend. Not because he was bad, because he wasn’t enough. He couldn’t fuck me like I needed. Couldn’t make me *feel* like the worthless slut I am. Rape me.. Couldn’t treat me like the disposable hole I know I exist to be. I blamed him for not giving me attention, but the truth? I was already obsessed with the one thing he’d never be: a *real* man. One who doesn’t just *want* me-one who *takes* me. Who doesn’t care if I cry, if I bleed, if I beg. Who doesn’t see a *person*,just a warm, tight body to ruin.
I sometimes like spending hours imagining it. Scrolling through videos of men who don’t give a fuck about my name, my feelings, my *life*. Men who see me and think: *There’s the bitch who’s gonna choke on my cock while I call her a whore.* I don’t want love. I don’t want respect. I want to be *used*. I want to be the girl who gets dragged into a bathroom by her hair, who gets her face shoved into a pillow while some stranger tells her she’s *nothing*. I want to be the girl who crawls back for more, because deep down, I *know* I deserve it.
I wear the shortest skirts to clubs, the tightest tops, the heels that make me stumble. I *want* men to grab me. I *want* them to grope me in crowded trains, to press me against walls, to whisper in my ear that I’m a *slut* who loves it. And when it happens? I close my eyes and pretend it’s *worse*. Pretend he’s not just some random guy, pretend he’s the kind of man who *hates* women. Who *hates* me. Who doesn’t just fuck me, who *punishes* me for existing. For having a cunt. For being weak. For *wanting* it.
I’ve licked toilet seats after threesomes. Swallowed cum from men whose names I didn’t know. But in my head? It’s always *worse*. Always *dirtier*. I don’t just want to be used, I want to be *humiliated*. I want to be the girl who gets spit on. Who gets her face shoved into a used jockstrap. Who gets told she’s *nothing* while she’s being fucked in every hole. I want to be the girl who *likes* it. Who *needs* it. Who gets wet at the thought of being *less than human*.
I post my face here because I want men to see me. Not the *real* me- the *slut* me. The one who knows her place is on her knees. The one who gets off on being told she’s *garbage*. The one who *wants* to be treated like a piece of meat. I don’t want understanding. I don’t want sympathy. I want men to look at me and think: *There’s the bitch who’ll let me do whatever I want.* I want them to know that no matter how many times I say *no*, deep down? I’m *begging* for it.
I know this is sick. I know I’m *broken*. But nothing gets me off like the thought of being *owned*. Of being *nothing*. Or more So lately I don’t think about my orgasm but the idea that the man relieves due to me, the idea is so good, Of being the girl who exists for one reason: to take cock. To take *abuse*. To take whatever men want to give me. and *thank them* for it.