I was only 18
I had just gotten out of 8 year, very psychologically and sexually abusive relationship and I saw a cute guy shopping at the store I worked at. I must’ve flirted too obviously cus he gave me his number and made a comment about my desperation. I felt so humiliated. I still texted him that night.
He picked me up and we went out that night for a drive to a nearby lake. He got cold on the walk by the lake because he didn’t bring a jacket so I offered him mine which he promptly took until he dropped me off. He made me very uncomfortable for some reason and I didn’t know why. He was 24, taller than me and very skinny. He had toffee skin and dark shaggy short hair. He also loved to ask me all these weird intimate questions very matter of fact’ly and I was too broken to set a boundry and answered them all no matter how humiliating. He dropped me off late and left me with a kiss in his car as we parked outside my friend’s home I was staying at. His kiss was so force-full and it was like he was trying to force his mouth in mine. He also gave me a bunch of small peck kisses and it always reminded me of how a chicken eats. Very quick and attacking.
Once I got inside I told my friend about the date and they said I was over resting because I was still hung up on my ex. They said my ‘vision was blurred’. He’s so cute, I can’t turn down a second date. So with my best friend’s encouragement, I went on what would become our last date.
He picked me up again for this date in the late afternoon. I had told him previously of my dislike for pizza and he right away tells me we’re going to a pizza place for takeout. He doesn’t let me leave the car as he gets the pizza. After we got the food (that I payed for) he took me to his house. But as we pull up he says this.
“So I work out of town, I’m just here for 2 weeks so I’m living at my parents house. So we’re gonna pull in to the garage and go inside. I’m gonna check first the way is clear and then u need to go inside, downstairs and to the left into the room. Don’t let anyone hear u. Got it?”
He looks at me expectantly, gets out and I follow, terrified. We make it downstairs to his room. There’s a bed, a desk with his stocks, and a bottle of lube. The conversation somehow gets to my trauma with working out due to my ex and he thinks I’m overreacting. He takes me out of his room and forced me to work out in his home gym (quietly ofc cus parents u know) for 45 min. Then he puts on a movie for us. I think ‘finally a break from this humiliation and retraumatization’ but nope it’s the notebook. He also knew I hated sad movies cus ‘I cry enough’ is what I said. He forces me to watch it while we eat pizza.
That’s when it started. He started by groping my breasts. It escalated to asking if I’d willing let him pee on me. I started to resist and expressed the feeling of wanting to leave when I started to feel different. Years later I understand I was drugged but then I had no idea. He laid me on his bed and began to force me to blow what I could of his length. He told me his size before he forced it in my cunt. 10 inches. The only thing I remember after that is him repeatedly saying I’m gonna get him caught, and to shut tf up. I remember a pillow smothering my face before he came. The next thing I knew I was waking up at 7am to him beginning to use me again. He drove me home, found out I want on birth control, yelled and me and kicked me out the car saying I’m trying to ‘trap him’.
Two days later my car was broken into and ‘someone’ pissed all over. The last time I saw him, he came back to my work with a new girl telling my coworker I’m a whore as I ran to the back in a panic attack frenzy.
Hopefully my rape story turns someone on. This was very cathartic to write about and process.