I’m turning 26(F) in a couple months, and I feel like I have a lot of fantasies and interests I’ve never really had the chance to explore. I just got out of a 4-year relationship, and before that, I never really explored either.
Part of that comes from my past—I was groomed as a child, which made me shut down sexually for a long time. I didn’t even make out with someone by choice until I was 18 almost 19. Even now, I can’t really do casual hookups—I need feelings and some level of connection to be there. I can still put my body count on one hand.
At the same time, I feel like my experiences have shaped my sexual interests in ways that make me question myself sometimes. I worry that maybe I’m too “messed up” for something that feels normal or healthy. It’s also something I’ve always felt a lot of shame around, so talking about it in real life is really hard.
It’s strange because I can open up pretty easily when I know it’s just a stranger online, but in person I completely freeze up. Like, I want to express myself, but I just can’t get the words out.
How do people get past that fear of being judged? And how do you even start finding someone—like a pleasure dom—who actually aligns with what you’re looking for, especially when opening up feels so intimidating?