Need Advice: Should my Reddit post change me?
I don't know why exactly I've found myself here, but I feel compelled to get something off my chest and this felt like a good group to share with. So thanks in advance!
As quick context for this pickle I've gotten in, I'm a 45 yo guy. Yes, this story is about relationships. Yes, there's a sexual nature to some of it. But it's surprised me, so looking to you perfect strangers for some unbiased guidance.
You see, I have this gf and things are pretty good. Not perfect, but whose relationship is? And it's by no means terrible either. It's pretty dang good. But if I'm being honest...and again, why not be honest on a sub like r/GayBDSMCommunity lol...I've always had this fascination (or should I call it a fantasy? A fetish? Some other F word?) with men.
Like many guys, maybe I questioned my sexuality at one point. Even experimented with some light play back in the day, but ultimately I would say I'm straight for lots of reasons. Nevertheless, those thoughts never totally went away. They bubble up every once in a while, and recently they did in a way that I felt like I needed some masculine attention. I didn't know quite what I was looking for, but I gave it a shot with a post on reddit.
Harmless, right? Just a post and let's see who comments. Just that attention should be satisfying enough, and then I can go back to my normal life as the straight guy in the neighborhood, leader at work, etc.
So I drafted this short little post about how I was a straight but novice bi guy looking for some guidance from a Dom dad type. And it got some reactions!!!
To be honest, I'd seen this movie before though. I figured I'd get a comment or two. Maybe a couple DMs. Then we'd ghost each other in some form within 48 hours...maybe sooner.
But now the crazy part.
I still don't quite get it, but I got drawn in...almost hypnotized...by this one guy's messages. There was just this energy about his writing. And he was investing real time and energy into our interactions. He seemed genuinely interested in me, and I wanted to answer him.
Now don't get me wrong, I know much of this was for his pleasure. He was a Dom after all. But somehow he quickly convinced me that I would be better with his guidance. And somewhere deep down I realized I wanted to be better. Sure, some for me...but mostly for him. I had always been intrigued by the things men were into, but the bigger rush for me was in seeing if I could help make their fantasies real. That focus on pleasing others was all that really mattered. There was something so satisfying about not having to be the decision-maker, but to be the decision follower instead.
It started out so simple.
Answer this question. Take this photo. Tell me about this or that. But before I knew it I was hanging on every sentence. What did he want to know next? Why did he want pictures of all my shoes...my socks...even my underwear. But I got such satisfaction from fulfilling his requests. Soon he was using those things to decide what I'd wear. Maybe first choosing something like just my underwear or my shoes for the day. Then it was my full outfit. I had no choice. I had to follow his orders.
Then came the first shopping challenge. I didn't own any sex toys, but I had to go to a hardware store and find something that would work as a cock ring. And I had to prove that shopping trip was successful of course. I went to multiple hardware stores that day. And I loved it. And I bet you can guess what became a regular part of my outfits after that purchase.
It's progressed slowly but surely from there. Exercise requirements. Outfit requirements. And yes, even cockring requirements. This past week I had to leave my cock ring on my desk at work overnight, leaving me hoping of course that no one would recognize what it is. I had to remind myself it's just something from the hardware store. That's believable...right?
I never know what tomorrow or his next message will bring. But it's always been exciting, hypnotic, and something I'm excited to take on. I know it's for him...but it feels like I'm getting better too.
Am I crazy? It's been such a weird and unexpected turn of events! Should I cut it off or keep going forward and totally obey? How do I decide? I need your advice!
Thank you in advance.