r/GayBDSMCommunity

I'm really into nipple play and piercings, but my nipples are too small. I've tried using clamps, but they fall off. Is there any way to make them grow?

So, my "sir" I had before was LDR. He is over in Germany, and I'm in Canada.

We had been talking for six months pretty much nonstop, and then one day, he just stopped responding. I kinda knew he was still looking for someone else, and it seemed to me that no contact was a sign that he found someone else. Likely in Germany, understandably. It would've taken some time to make me work for him.

I still am not sure whether he actually moved on or just didn't want to talk to me at that particular time. But what I do know is that no contact wasn't an accident. When I reached out after letting our chat hang dormant for a time, the only response was that he didn't know I was gone.

So, I cut contact and moved on. He had my Strava link (location basically) and knew my duolingo name. I deleted both, which had massive streaks on them, but my peace was more important to me. Thousands of kilometers of tracking fitness progress, over a thousand days of learning on duo, gone. I deleted Whatsapp and Signal, which were our means of contact. He doesn't even know my new reddit handle, but I blocked him on reddit also. When I went no contact, I made sure it was impossible. He did not tell me he had moved on, but it was pretty clear that he didn't want to talk with me.

It's been over half a month since, and I still don't regret it. I'm not spending all of my time holding my breath and looking for a notification from someone I'm sure doesn't even want to be near me anymore. And it hurts worse to talk like that than it hurt to lose him. Talking like that feels like holding something too hot, only in my head, all the time. It is utterly nature-defying and excruciating not only to have left but to talk about it.

This is a vent but I am tired. Its always the same. I am a switch and see it on both sides. It is impossible to build a Dom/Sub relationship because for some reason, everyone thinks they want a dom/sub, but they truly dont. You can talk to someone about a dom/sub dynamic and you think you are having a great connection. Talking about boundaries. Whats important for the other and bam: Blocked.

Doms often force WAY too much personal info at the start just to get their attention, despite checking the boxes of what they are looking for. I am never texting a dom whose kinks and body preferences dont align with me. They always demand a face pic, just to block upon recieving one. It is very humiliating, which is why I refuse to do so at the very start. This almost always gets me blocked and when I do give in, I still get blocked. Also, if it goes past the first 'session' they get bored of you and ghost. Many 'doms' often forget that being a dom is actual work. It is a relationship that needs to grow. You cannot force and force and then throw away as soon as you get bored.

Subs on the other often block before anything starts or right after having an orgasm. It is very annoying to take the time to discuss everything, reassuring that this is a safe space and that I am always open for a talk about the dynamic. What works, what doesnt. What I as a dom should consider. Having the sub agree on that, just to block anyway. Every sub has different needs. But as soon as the talking stage is over, most block.

I have come to the conclusion that most find the idea of being a dom/sub hot, so the beginning of it all gets them going, but the actual dynamic is too much work. So they rather jump from beginning to beginning instead of sticking with a person.

Hey there. I'm 19m, and a virgin. I love chatting online with doms (I'm very submissive), but I struggle to not masturbate. When they command me to refrain from touching myself, I cannot obey. I try, but I fail every time. How do I control my urges? I've masturbated almost daily for as long as I can remember and I don't think I can stop. I touch my penis a lot, even nonsexually. I've just always liked touching my penis, and I want to be more obedient.

Is it weird to be a straight dude but be into dominating dudes? No interested in bdsm with girls.

Hi,

I'm a trans man(32) and I am sexual sadist. I haven't had a whole lot of experience with bdsm but I've always had sadistic bdsm fantasies and was wondering if there is a place in the gay community for a trans masc person who is a sadist top? Please don't be jerks.

Edited for clarification: I'm in the U.S., particularly the Pacific Northwest

I am a single sub bottom currently dating and I find sadistic guys very attractive. Not 24/7 Sadists, but in bed only. I can't help it, that's just how my heart has always felt😅 But I am afraid that sadism in a man is a symptom of something darker like a personality disorder. And since I am looking for a relationship (more than sex), I wonder if my desire for a Sadist comes in contradiction with my desire for a healthy relationship. Have you had any experience that informs an opinion on this issue?

I'm in my 20s, and I’ve been using Recon on and off for years. Not many people are around me, and everyone takes a while to respond. Now, with the update, I don’t even know if people are on there anymore. I can’t see when they last used it, so I don’t know if they still use it at all. Now my profile doesn't even get views.

Some people suggested Fetlife, but it seems like most groups/meetups are for heterosexuals, and I'm not sure if the post will reach people in my area.

Grindr seems to have the largest user base, and it now offers tag filtering (dom/sub/kinks). Has anyone gotten any luck? Lots of people there seem to be only trying to get off or seeking fwb.

I live in a quite small city in the Midwest, so going to the gay bars (none of which are leather themed or have kink nights) to find like-minded people looks rather difficult.

I wonder how you met with your kinky partner? Apps? Online?

Soo this has been interesting experience. I'm a SAHD to our 1 y/o son and husband just got a new job that put him right at the top of C-Suite level (he's been in CMO and CFO roles for years now, but this one is a huge step up in title and salary). We also have a pretty intense d/s dynamic in the bedroom.

I bought him a bunch of new outfits to celebrate and then decided to re-do our closet to make space for it. Once finished, I realized I had put his stuff front and center. Previously we had equal areas in the closet for our things (I wear S, he wears L, he has a much bigger shoe size), but now I had put his stuff in over 70% of the closet - into my sections - I had put my shirts in the corners, I had put some of my shoes in the drawers while his were in the shoe displays etc.

At first it made sense in my head, I'm not working, he is, he needs more space for his work stuff and non-work stuff. But it did not explain why I was so very around. He came in while I was doing it, noticed what I was doing, said 'good job', gave me a little pat and left. I got so much more turned on.

soooo what sort of kink is this? am i getting turned on my making myself smaller lol? or just getting turned on by his power?

For context, so far all of my play has been online, so my perspective is already skewed. I know that.

Still, my impression of (cis) gay guys is that they're... very phallocentric. Very focused on getting it in there, or getting their hands on it. And it's all about the penis. When you masturbate, you jerk off. That's it. When I ask what part is the most sensitive, you say, "I don't know, just, like, the whole thing."

As a Dom I have to explain to so many guys that touching your balls, your perineum, flexing your PC muscle, or even just controlled breathing can feel amazing and be a way to achieve pleasure. A lot of you barely seem to know your bodies, and it makes me sad. You're missing out.

I'm a trans man with a vulva. My orgasms aren't visible and not easily quantifiable. If you have a cock, it shoots a load, and that way you know you came. That's what sex is about, or at least so it seems to a lot of guys.

Maybe that's what incentives me to have a more broad definition of what it means to have an orgasm. I think if you have a vulva you understand more intuitively that orgasmic experiences can come from many different things, not just rubbing one out. Fuck, have you ever had a really good cup of tea when you were cold? That's basically an orgasm.

Jokes aside, I love to incorporate sensory exercises and guided imagination or meditation into play. I would love for men to get more in touch with their bodies and their own emotions and not let ideals of what it means to have "real" sex prevent them from having the best time they could possibly have.

Am I making sense at all? Do you use strategies like these?

Im a Young Dom Bear(21), in chats i got lots of compliments for my dirty talk and creativity in ti.
But when it comes to actual sessions, my persona is kinda shy. It feels kinda akward to talk a lot etc.

Any tips, cause i would want to carry the energy over into sessions,

What ever sir wants... it the WRONG answer. It should not be like pulling teeth (:you might be the dentist pain pig,) to get a declarative statement out of you guys.

If you are asked "What are your desires, kinks, fetishes, goals and end game?" Fucking give us more than yes sir or what ever sir wants. When I ask for limits, I WANT LIMITS, not NO LiIMITS. Dudes... seriously, we can not know you better if you do not share or open up with more that Yes Sir. I have partners. they wanted to add a pet too the family and seriously the dudes inability to have an opinion pissed me off. I need more tan two or three word responces.

If you ever meet a Dom who is cool with it... run and hide because that dude is an abuser not a Dom... Please learn the difference... PLEASE.

I’m a dom, but I’m actually quite shy and introverted. When I first meet a sub, I tend not to talk much. Even though we’ve already discussed consent and limits, sometimes I still don’t feel confident enough to be that assertive. What should I do?

My Daddy has control over my orgasm.  Only with his permission and since he doesn’t live nearby, if we’re not together - it must be on video for him.

But he also enjoys watching me edge for him.  In all honesty, I enjoy getting close for him.  Seeing where my limits are is something I enjoy doing for him.

It had been over a month since he let me cum.  I was recording an edging video for him.  I will get close, then almost immediately, start stroking again.  I want to get close, quickly so he can see me do it 2, 3 or 4 times in a short video.  It’s agony at times, but I do it for him.  I enjoy doing it because he enjoys it.

This day was especially excruciating.  I remember saying I wanted to cum for him as I was recording.  It’s true.  I love cumming for my Daddy.  But showing him what his property will do for him is more important.

That’s why I was ashamed to have to show him what happened.  After I stopped the video, I felt something leak out of my cock.  I leak a lot of precum, but I knew this was more than precum.  I didn’t orgasm, I didn’t “shoot.”  And it was mostly precum, though thicker - more milky.  It definitely had cum in it.  After a month, it’s not surprising.  But I took things too far without permission.

I took a short video of it and sent it to him.  Acknowledging my error and accepting responsibility.  I know I’ll be punished.  It’s the consequence of not putting my Daddy’s instructions before my physical urges.

I don’t want him to go easy.  The next time I see him is over 2 months away.  I don’t want him to say it was in the past.  I will accept a red ass, feeling the sting the next day.  I want to show him how much I trust him.  I am human and might make mistakes.  But I will not try to hide them from him.  He sees so much about me and is still there for me.  I take his daily words of encouragement so it’s only right that I take his discipline when appropriate.

I also told him I would write a story for him.  This isn’t it.  This is a confessional of a sort.  In part, a way to set down my acceptance of the coming punishment.  Not with fear or hesitation.  But welcoming it with love.  The same way he always treats me.

Hey guys. 42 year old sub who is ready to move to the ultimate relationship. Ultimately, I’m looking for TPE. I’ve found that most guys I’ve met who say they ultimately want that kind of dynamic are just jerking off. They want it sexually but don’t have the emotional maturity to even understand the intimacy in this kind of dynamic, much less actually live it.

To be clear, I’m not looking to move into someone’s house or have him move into mine and just jump into it. I guess it would be 24/7 with an ultimate goal of TPE. I’d appreciate any advice on vetting, how to have the conversation, and how to present myself so guys don’t bother if they’re just time wasters.

Hey everyone, I’ve been turning this over in my head for a while and I finally want to get it out there to see if anyone else relates or has advice.
Here’s the fantasy: I want my Dominant to "rent" me or even "sell" me to others (clients, friends, or the community) specifically to make money for him.
The goal isn't just for him to grab cash, but for him to make enough through my "work" that he can eventually quit his day job. I want to be the asset that frees him. I want to serve him so well, so intensely, and for so long that I become his full-time income source.
There’s a specific layer of consent-to-non-consent in my head that makes this work: I want him to do this against my will(or at least against my initial protests). I want to feel like I’m being taken advantage of by him, even though deep down I know he’s doing it for our mutual benefit (his freedom, my purpose). There’s something deeply submissive about being "used up" to secure his future.
Does this dynamic make sense to anyone? Has anyone done a "provider/sub as income" dynamic like this? Or is it just a weird niche fantasy?
I’m looking for feedback, similar experiences, or just validation that this isn’t completely unhinged. Thanks for reading.

Im a straight married man, but recently I cant get over the fantasy of owning a chastity slave for my pleasure. One who doesn't receive pleasure but gives me endless pleasure. I want him locked permanently so he'll do whatever I say.

Is this just a weird fantasy? I feel like I have to have this happen.

Hi Doms and subs, how is it going?

My boyfriend/owner is a switcher, and I'm learning to be one myself him. We have a relationship in which we're to switch roles, preserving the D/S.

Recently, he asked me to punish him for having sex with others before we've met, just like he did it for me (he spanked me with a wooden stick I bought, around 9mm in diameter. 5 spanks for the first time I had anal, 3 for the first time I had oral. He ordered me to write down all the times I had sex, count them, delivered to him in session and read out loud, before he spank me.)

Now that in the position of thinking the same, I wanna do something a little different, but haven't thought yet what. I thought I would make him wait in the middle of a room, naked, on his knees, with eyes closed, and while he recites his past encounters, I masturbate in front of him and cum in his face, so I can mark him as mine, without warning, but I don't know, it seems so simple

Do you have any ideas on how to spicy it up?

I know that being "whored out," is also a common enough term, but I haven't met many doms who do this. I think porn has ruined many things for me, but I'd be interested to know if anyone has had a different lived experience than me.