Switch just flipped off - for me! How? Why??
This fantasy has been a constant for me (M41) for about 6 years now. When I first brought it up to my wife (F35), like a lot of wives, she wasn't quite sure what to think, but after lots of conversations, decided we could start slow, experimenting with a couple threesomes and scenarios where I was involved, to get comfortable. After a few different experiences, we decided to take a break, which quickly turned into 5 years of not involving anyone else in our sex lives.
It's something I continued to bring up, and she continued to engage in a fantasy sense through role playing, sexting, etc.....but we didn't involve anyone else until recently, when she decided she was ready to try again, if the right situation presented itself. She also mentioned that the first time we tried, it was hard for her to get into because she doesn't know if she can really enjoy casual sex, without some type of relationship being involved on some level. So, we decided to approach a friend of mine that we've known for years, who we have a really good relationship with, and we both trusted to be honest with us and non-judgmental. Long story short, after lots of sexting between the two of them, and some conversations about what a dynamic involving the three of us might look like (all over the course of about 5 months), we decided moving forward was not the right choice, because despite the dirty talk, he was not really ready to actually engage physically and emotionally on a different level. So. nothing ever happened between the two of them physically, just texting and dirty talk.
Through all of this, she has brought up that she may want to explore a poly style dynamic, which would give her the relationship dynamic and "feelings" or "connection" with someone she would need in order to enjoy this. The more we discussed that as an option, the more uneasy I started to feel about the entire thing. I love (or loved) the idea of someone else satisfying her sexually, and me still being involved via pictures, videos, face-timing, stories, etc....but the idea of an entire relationship, not involving any of that, kind of freaks me out.
I'm at the point now where I don't know if I want any of it anymore. As of about a week ago, just the thought of her being with someone else made my stomach turn, whereas it used to be an easy, instant turn on for me.
I don't know what is happening to me. Has anyone else experienced something like this, where the fantasy just completely turns you off all of a sudden? Does the desire to pursue this ever come back? I feel like there's still so many different things for her and I to explore together, but I can't think about any of it anymore and I don't understand why.
Sorry if this is the wrong sub for this. I wasn't sure if it should be here of in nonmonogamy, but I figured here since it's directly related to the hotwife dynamic for me.