u/Dry-Client2096

I've been trying to be more neutral about my small TB since I will never reach positivity unless I receive external validation from someone aka my future partner and I'd been doing fine for the past few weeks but I don't know what happened today and I started spiralling (y'all I'm not on my period 😭). I was reading some literary theory, I couldn't understand what I was reading and I went from crying about how stupid and slow I am to how ugly I am and how my stupid body couldn't even develop properly. I don't understand what went wrong with me, all the women in my family have bigger breasts - I wouldn't even care about the shape if they were bigger and I wouldn't care about my current size if they were normal. Now I'm stuck with an undesirable size and shape. I don't understand how this works, I don't understand what I did while growing up that make me like this, I'm so angry that other women have normal breasts for free and in order for me to feel normal I'm gonna have to spend a shit ton of money that I don't have and go through a potentially dangerous surgery. I'm in my early 20s and I feel like I'm wasting so much energy hating myself but like I deserve it, don't I? What's the point in loving an unlovable being? Cause it's not just my breasts, my entire body is odd and I can't stand it, I can't change my bone structure but if I at least had natural, normal breasts then I wouldn't be so affected by my body dysmorphia. Now I'm just failed from every angle - brain and body, because of course I had to be given a short torso with high hips as well and I just look compressed

One of my favorite poets, Christina Rossetti, has a poem called Introspective and it starts like "I wish it were over the terrible pain" and like life feels a lot like this currently 😭 (the poem was probably about her disease but the great thing about art is that it can take different meanings in different eyes)

Is this second puberty thing real? Is there a chance that they'll grow on their own with time?

What helped? Finding a partner who loves you? Therapy? I'm just very embarrassed to visit a therapist and talk about my breasts. I don't want to surgically fix them - I don't casually have 8k+ lying around and I don't feel comfortable with the idea of surgery or with the idea of foreign objects in me. It's going to make me feel alienated from myself and from my body and I just don't want that. But I'm very exhausted from feeling inferior to other women with normal breasts. I can't believe there are women younger than me, slimmer than me with normal, round, bigger breasts and I'm stuck with them. I'm angry that luck is so unfair and they have what I'd want for free, they were born that way and in order for me to fit in I have to spend a shit ton of money and go through a potentially dangerous surgery. Knowing that there are women like that outside and that they're my "competition" when dating makes me feel doomed. I had a mini flirting look session with a guy a few days ago (unless I'm being delusional) and a part of me felt relieved that it didn't progress because he surely wouldn't have liked my breasts. They're small but anyone with eyes can see that and if you're already seeing that they're small and you're not turning your eyes away from me, then that means you don't have an issue with the size - now I'm terrified of what he or any guy I'd be with would think of the shape

I started going to the gym mostly to build the glutes because I feel like I have to compensate for literally everything else (😭) but before that I'd been working out at home but I was intentionally avoiding arm/chest exercises because I didn't want them to potentially change my breasts and make them smaller or worsen their shape. But after reading some comments on the small boobs sub, I read that working out your chest can help the muscles of (conventional) small boobs or smth like that and, like, how does that apply to small TB that don't have an upper pole and look like they're saggy?

I'm not talking about losing weight - from my understanding, weight loss affects boob size and stuff but I'm not looking to lose weight or to get a body builder-esque physique. Just the casual gym going

I can post a picture of a pair similar to mine in the comments just to give you an idea. I like being touched there but I feel like the other person will be disgusted because they're not a "normal" shape

Many of my insecurities stem from a fear of my partner not finding my TB attractive, being disappointed and secretly wishing I had different breasts, mostly because I've got a severe case going on, not to mention the fact that they're quite small, so it constantly feels like I have the wrong size + shape. These scenarios are all hypothetical because I've never had any kind of experiences with men but reading about how other women with TB have had bad experiences with their partners because of their shape reinforces my fears and even validates them. Yes, of course, I'm aware that men's opinions shouldn't matter but I want my (future) partner to not just accept or not care about my breasts, but to love and prefer them

I wanted to ask if there are women with (small) severe TB whose partners have had positive reactions to their breasts? It'd make me feel a bit better knowing that I could potentially be loved by the right person, TB and all

(bear in mind I've never had any romantic or sexual experiences with other people so my hypotheses are purely imaginary)

I purchased a sports bra recently and I'm shocked at how relatively round my breasts look in it (no padding) when in reality they're anything but

This made me start thinking how catfishy this seems and how possible partners would feel tricked if they were to see them because they could be expecting normal, round breasts and instead they'll be seeing... whatever I have

I also have quite small TB (grade 2-3???haven't gotten professional input but there was a post with breasts similar to mine and the subreddit told OP their breasts are grade 2-3) which makes me extra scared and worried because I don't have the expected small boobs, nor do I have the small boob perks that people always talk about (can go out braless, perky)