Hi everyone 😊
I must have rewritten this post more times than I’d like to admit, and then it sat in my drafts for the longest time because… well, life got heavy, and I had to step away for a bit.
I think it was also because, in part, introductions are strange. They remind me of being back at school, going around in a circle trying to remember what I did during summer holiday before it was my turn to speak.
I mean… how do you reduce an entire person to a few paragraphs without accidentally creating this weird version of yourself that’s cleaner, shinier, and less human than the real thing? I like the real thing. The real me!
So I’ve decided not to do that (and that’s why this intro post is sooooooo fricking long 🤣).
I’m still fairly new to this world…which means I’m still learning, still questioning, and still changing my mind all the time when I discover a better way of thinking or doing things. I don’t consider that a weakness. If anything, I hope I never stop doing it.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this almost compulsive need to understand the “why“ of things. Why people believe what they believe, or why they love the way they do. Why we repeat the same patterns over and over again or why some things feel true in our bones while others never quite fit, even when everyone around us insists they should.
That same curiosity has helped me dismantle more than a few parts of my life (thank Goddess 🙌🏻).
So at some point, I started asking questions about anything and everything. Then the questions became books and those books became conversations that later led to therapy, reflection, very very uncomfortable realizations, and a whole lot of deconstruction. Over time, that deconstruction gave way to rebuilding, healing, and acceptance.
Somewhere along the way, I stumbled into kink. At first I was fascinated.
Then confused 🫤…Then I realized I wasn’t actually interested in the aesthetics of kink nearly as much as I was interested in what it reveals about people.
So, in a way, that’s what keeps me here. The titles, the leather, the theatrics, the followers, the tributes… all of it is just bells and whistles. The people are what make this, for me, absolutely mesmerizing. 🤩
I think kink has this remarkable ability to expose the parts of ourselves we’ve spent years hiding. It cuts through performance and strips away the masks we wear. That fascinates me!
The more I’ve learned, the less interested I’ve become in asking, “Who’s in charge here 🤨?” and the question I care about most now is, “What are we creating together?”
For me, domination isn’t about superiority or becoming someone people fear. It’s about stewardship.
Collecting tributes, followers, titles?? Sure it’s a lot of fun but none of it really matters if the connection isn’t placed right front and center of it all.
If another human being trusts me enough to hand me something as precious as their vulnerability, then my first responsibility can’t just be to ask what I can take from them. It goes beyond that.
It’s to ask what we’re actually creating together, and whether that dynamic has the potential to enrich both of our lives. Every dynamic has taught me something different. Sometimes it’s structure or accountability. Sometimes it’s enough trust to let go and be deeply seen. For both of us!
Submission, in my eyes, has never been lesser. I think it’s one of the greatest expressions of trust another person can offer. And I don’t take that lightly.
Findom fits perfectly into that philosophy too. Money has never just been money. It represents sacrifice, security, effort, identity, fear, freedom, shame, pride, and survival…among many other things. It’s different for everyone. When it becomes part of a dynamic, I think it deserves so much more care, not less.
Power has consequences. Influence has consequences. So the stronger the dynamic, the greater the responsibility (on both sides!!). I don’t think those are unpopular opinions or at least they shouldn’t be. I just think they’re easy to gloss over.
Outside of kink…
I’m also an incurably curious person 🙈. I tend to disappear down research rabbit holes that start with one innocent question and somehow end with neuroscience, witchcraft, Paganism, the Roman Empire, attachment theory, or the psychology of rituals. You name it!
I ask waaaay too many questions and overanalyze everything that earns my attention. I have the gift of ADHD so I’m able to notice the tiniest shifts in people that sometimes aren’t even intentional. My brain is rarely quiet, but it allows me to make connections others don’t immediately see.
I think it’s beautiful. It’s also something I’ve had to learn to manage because it can make me…..intense 😬.
Growth has become one of my core values. I don’t believe I’m broken in any way. I think becoming is one of the most beautiful parts of being alive.
If you ever spend enough time around me, you already know that I’d much rather have a fascinating conversation with someone who disagrees with me than spend an evening surrounded by people who simply echo my opinions and try to fill the silence with surface mindless chatter.
The kind of Domme I’m trying to become reflects all of that. Someone who leads with intention instead of ego (🤮), values consent, communication, trust and mutual growth. Someone who understands that authority without compassion eventually becomes performance… and performance gets boring really fucking fast.
Will I get everything right? Absofuckinglutely not.
I’m still learning. I’ll likely make tons of mistakes. But I have enough humility to recognize when I’m wrong or change my mind when the evidence asks me to. In reality, my hope is to never become so attached to the image of being knowledgeable that I stop being teachable.
Sooooo….if you’ve read this far, thank you.
Whether you’re dominant, submissive, a switch…I hope this little corner of the internet is a place where we can have thoughtful conversations, where curiosity is welcomed, and where disagreement is respectful.
If that’s the kind of community we’re hoping to build here…count me in! I think we’ll get along just fine.
Oh.. and btw… I’m Ellie 😜. I like emojis, my favorite color is green and my love language is skincare!