u/Em-BiggeneD

I'm in my 40s. I've been in many relationships (even been married before), but always with people close to my age. I never thought I'd still be considered attractive to younger women, until I noticed they would flirt with me more as I got older. I was really not aware of this dynamic before, and at first I was very cautious about it. I wrote it off as wishful thinking, they're just teasing me, no way a hot younger person in her prime is attracted to a middle aged guy.
But the more it happened, the more I started to notice it around me with other people, and the more I realized age gap attraction is perhaps more normal than I thought, even if socially we shun it.

I say "normal" because I think there's a biological attraction (you could go into the whole men being wired to find a mate for procreation and women to find someone to make her feel cared for). Historically it was much more normalized too, looking at how things worked generations long ago. In much more recent history, as a society, it appears to have become stigmatized out of fear that toxic behavior could traumatize people not old enough to see the signs. And I'm not going to argue that isn't a danger, because we all know it is.

That all checks out, because it doesn't change the fact that there CAN be something so wholesome about two consenting people who enjoy the dynamic. So I decided it was worth flirting with this idea. I didn't want to pursue this irl, I'm not sure if I trust myself not do something that would get me cancelled or in trouble. I just wanted to sort of find and flirt with people online and see how it felt. And I have to say, it was some of the most fulfilling and fun conversations I've ever had. Video calls, snaps, both SFW and NSFW, it was vibrant and fun and exciting. More so than when I was that age. And they seemed to feel the same.
One person in particular caught my attention for the last couple of months, I felt like she was too good for me to have her attention, and she said the same. I have to admit that one of the things I found refreshing about her is that she wasn't jaded like many women closer to my age. She was pure and innocent and that made it feel so wholesome.

She knew this was just an online thing, we don't even live in the same country. It was so good. Until it sort of came crashing down when she realized she was catching feelings. She knew she shouldn't, she knew it was silly. But that same innocence that made it fun and pure, also meant that she didn't catch herself feeling that way until it was too late. And now I feel like a complete asshole. And I probably deserve that title, honestly. Because I should have seen it coming too. And I think on a subconscious level I did, but I was enjoying having her attention too much to stop it.

Sometimes the very thing that makes an age gap for a guy fun and exciting is the very thing we need to be careful about. The lack of experience made her less reserved and open to experiencing things, and that led to her being hurt.

I feel like I'm going to get judged for sharing this, but honestly I needed to vent somewhere and this is one of the only places I can think of.