Hey guys, I've had this fetish for essentially my entire life. I've started to intentionally gain weight within the past 6 months or so, and I've gone from about 65kg to 85kg in that time. I am genuinely so conflicted in whether to continue. I love the way it looks and feels in private, but I wish I could just take it off like a costume when I want to go out in public or wear the clothes I actually like. I really wish I wasn't dealt a fetish that actually shows on my body in day-to-day life. I'm at the point where I'm considering buying a realistic silicone fatsuit to let me satisfy the urge in private.
Putting aside things like external perception, I've begun to experience quite a lot of pain. I'm in the process of switching gyms due to moving locations so I've stopped going for a while (it helped that cancelling my membership gets me off on the thought of being an ex-jock), but now my back and hips are fucking killing me all the time, sometimes I can hardly walk. It's hot when I'm horny of course, but it is pretty debilitating and I have no interest in becoming immobile myself beyond fantasy.
I also have these horrible rashes come up because I'm allergic to sugar. But part of my fetish is junk food, I don't find any appeal in the idea of getting fat off of eating a huge amount of healthy food. It's actually fucking up my skin so bad that I've had to go home sick several times because I couldn't stop scratching.
If it wasn't bad enough, the diabetes risk in my family is very high, my dad got diagnosed recently.
I guess I need someone to tell me it isn't for me. I'm very depressed and I feel like this is not worth it, no matter how aroused it gets me. I just wish literally anything else could get me off the way this does:(