u/Erosana

We've spent some time in various lifestyle spaces in India, primarily telegram groups and something keeps striking me that I haven't seen anyone actually name.

Women in these spaces are, on paper, the whole point. Everything revolves around them who's interested, what they look like, when they're available. And yet in every group chat, every planning conversation, every discussion about what to explore women are almost entirely absent. Not physically absent, just quiet.

I've spoken to women in these spaces one on one and they're sharp, self-aware, often genuinely curious about the lifestyle. But in the group context? Most of them describe the same experience: their husband was enthusiastic, they came along, they enjoyed parts of it, but at some point they stopped engaging with the community itself. Too many unsolicited messages. Too many conversations that weren't really for them. They became participants in something that was never quite designed with them in mind.

The most common thing I hear is: "I just tell him to let me know when and where."

And everyone treats that as normal.

What's strange is that this creates a community that's paradoxically starved of the thing it most wants genuine connection. Because when women disengage from the conversation, what's left is men performing for other men. Which isn't what anyone actually came for.

I wonder if anyone else has noticed this. And if you're a woman who's been part of these spaces, what would have made it different? What would have made it feel like it was yours too?