"Reciprocation"
I feel really, really uncomfortable with the concept of reciprocation when it comes to physical intimacy.
I'm a top and a dom, but I strongly prefer to focus on the physical pleasure of my partner . . . but it's because of the mental pleasure it gives me. Most of the time, I couldn't care less whether I get off or not. There are other things I'm concerned about. I struggle with partners who say things like "It's your turn now" or otherwise implying that what we are doing is one-sided. It's caused some partners to think of me as less of a top.
Even in non-sexual intimacy, I like to take care of my partners the same way I would in aftercare: setting up a nice area for them to rest, fanning them, finger combing their hair, kissing their forehead. But some of my partners see it as one-sided as well. I've shared things I would enjoy, but I hate it when they phrase it as being "in return."
I don't want someone to do something with me because they think I've done something "for them." To quote the great philosopher Billie Eilish: "Don't say please or thank you / I do what I want when I'm wanting to." I love what I'm doing. That's why I do it. And I really don't want my partner doing something with me unless it is something that actually turns them on, that they've fantasized about before, or that they will fantasize about after.
I've shared this with my partners, and some of them love it, but some of them feel like something is missing. I think there's just a miscommunication here that I could use some help with, rather than it being an issue greater than that. New to the experience and could use some helpful advice, and I appreciate any and all words.