I am having a panic attack, I don't want to deal with hemorrhoids again
Please I don't want to read any rude or invalidating comments because this is a topic that is really personal and delicate to me.
Back when I was in high school, I developed hemorrhoids due to the friction of hard stools caused by constipation caused by an untreated gastrointestinal virus. The hemorrhoids became infected and I was leaking pus mixed with feces constantly and I smelled like crap wherever I went to regardless of much soap and wet wipes I used to clean myself and it completely destroyed my mental health and back then I was too poor to go to a doctor and it torture because of the pain when using the bathroom and the paranoia, it only went away when a doctor prescribed me a laxant months later. Suddenly dealing with constipation again and I don't know why this is happening when I've been taking care of my health. It hurts and there is blood down there although I'm not sure if it's a hemorrhoid or a fissure now, I don't know. I don't want to get out of my house because I'm afraid that I may smell like shit.
I am also sleep deprived so my health anxiety is even worse.