u/Fearless_Wasabi_2756

Male 23 When I’m in a club or bar, I don’t feel like I belong. I feel like the nervous kid I was in high school who never went to parties cause he was intimidated by his schoolmates. I want to feel like I belong, but I don’t. I’m nervous around women not in a total sense, like I’m not afraid of them or anything like that, but I also see dudes much bigger than me and totally confident while I’m still over here trying to figure out what to say to a woman. The one thing that I just thought of right now was: I wish I had an experienced wingman. I can’t figure this stuff out by myself, or this feeling I’m noticing with this kind of stuff how do people make getting laid seem so easy.

I need guidance. How do I talk to a woman that I don't want to be friends with?
I know how to talk to women in the sense of being cool with them and having very little small talk, and also how to be friends with women, but I fall into this trap of not knowing how to do the opposite. I can't mentally switch it for some reason I have seen more success with being friends than with dating women and idk how to get the interest in dating part.

Here's a little story to help: back when I was 19, I worked at a liquor store where all my coworkers were women my age some of them attractive. But I just made jokes and didn't care about being anything more than friends. I gave off that vibe of being really friendly. I was never a pushover, though; I was blunt but kind, not a 'nice guy.' So I knew how to set a tone with them on that it's just how I was. I was good at making them laugh, and I still talk to them from time to time to this day.

I’m 23 and really trying to step away from relying entirely on apps to meet people, but the sheer initial nerve-wracking mental barrier of cold approaching in everyday public settings (like coffee shops, bookstores, or casual campus spots) is holding me back.
It’s not even about needing a smooth pick-up line—it’s the internal hurdle of breaking the ice without coming off awkward or out of place.

I don’t have a lot of experience in the sense of talking to women that I want to have sex with or women that I want to date. I have female friends and honestly get along great. I know how to make them laugh and just be cool with them, and I also get a lot of info about women from them. I have multiple different friend groups, but with my female friends, I tend to know how to make them laugh, what they think is funny, and overall, just how to talk to them. I was kind of being myself I really liked who I was at the time, and it was just easy. But I’m not gonna get into all that.
My main question really is: how do I know when I’m progressing with game? How do I know I’m getting better?

I feel like I don’t know which direction to go, or I’m just never sure of what to say. When I’m asking questions, I feel like the tone of my voice sounds really overexaggerated. I remember, for instance, I was talking to this girl at a bar. She didn’t really seem too interested in me, but she said that she worked at Earls, and I responded with, 'I fucking love Earls.' She kind of looked at me weird, and honestly, yeah, it makes sense why it was so forced. But it’s like:

1. I fucking do love going to Earls; that place is really nice.

2. I cared, but I didn’t know what else to add, and I didn’t know what else to say because I didn’t want her to seem bored in the conversation.

A part of me feels like I should just be paying attention to women who show interest in me, but I also feel like a lot of times you gotta make them interested. I could be completely wrong about that (most likely am), but who knows?
I guess I'm just giving a bit of information about myself to help you guys answer this question for me. I’m not a player, and honestly, I kind of wish I had a friend who was, because they just get women, I don’t, and I wish that was me.

Out of my friend group, I can be the very bold one im the kind of the guy who’s willing to make the bold moves and say the bold things. Not because I’m trying to be flashy, but I just don’t like bullshit sometimes, you know? I’m OK with just saying it how it is. 'Blunt' is the right word, I’d say. I like being blunt, even if sometimes it’s kind of mean. But I’ve also noticed that when I’m blunt, people tend to want my opinion on things and give a shit about what I say. Maybe this is useless information, but maybe it’s not—I don’t really know. Hope I didn’t steer off too far, just trying to give as much information as I can about myself so that it’s easier for you guys to help me. I am pretty lost with what I need to do.
I’ve asked myself: if I was in a situation where there was a very attractive woman and I was like, 'Wow, she’s so out of my league,' I’d still want to try. I still want to, but then I ask myself: What would I even say? How would I even know what I’m saying is working, or if I’m boring her, or if it’s just nonsense? Maybe she takes me as just a friend and I come off as too friendly, even though I’m showing interest because I like her I'm just not making it known enough.

How do I know my game is working? How do I know if I’m even getting better at it so if this ever does happen in my life, I’m just good at it? I’ve got no guidance for this kind of stuff, so it’s extremely difficult for me.

(Earls is a restaurant btw)

Male 23 I was watching some James Bond clips, and I was also watching a clip from the Uncharted movie the one with Tom Holland, specifically the bar scene where he plays the bartender. The way they interact with women is so confident; they know the right things to say and how to respond smoothly. Screenwriters had to craft those lines, meaning they deeply understand how smooth dialogue works and what makes it flow so well.

It got me thinking: besides working on one's confidence and actually approaching women, how do you study that skill to reach that level? Similar to how someone learning a new subject online studies the principles before applying them kind of like a guide, rather than a rigid script, if that makes sense.

Male, 23, I need direction. So, I haven’t got much reps in person for talking with women that I want to have sex with. I have never been laid and I want to.
I can have conversation—I'd say I'm a 7/10 on my social skills. I’m not a hermit, but I have a tough time talking to a chick I like, especially when she’s with her friends.

I had one big success last year at Halloween: I complimented a woman on her costume in a club and she really liked it. It was from the anime Chainsaw Man, and I added a little more on how I just seen the latest movie that released a week ago. She liked that and told me I was cute, and how no one complimented her outfit all night. She later asked if we could make out, and we did. That was my biggest win. She wasn’t with her friend group at the time in the club, so it helped me.
I only started getting into the dating and romantic scene last year. It was also the first year I started college. In about a month, I’m going for my second year, and I’m wanting this year to be different.
I also need to warn you: the college I’m at doesn’t have college parties. That doesn’t really happen in my country, so I can’t really do those unless someone was to have a friend gathering and I was to be invited. I know it’s weird; I don’t get it either.
I’m not afraid all the time to approach women, but I find I don’t know what to say to make it interesting, especially when I’m sober. If I was to be on campus and I like a chick, I’m like, "WTF do I say and not look like a weirdo and approach this naturally?" Even when I’m at bars, I don’t know how to get it into the end field and get laid.

I have never had sex, and I tend to fail when it comes to getting women. I don’t know what it is about me, but I’m told I’m good-looking. Yet, when it comes to trying to get women, they just don’t like me.

I’m a virgin at 23, and I want to flip the script. I have good hygiene, and I go to the gym consistently (about a year and 5 months so far). The most action I got was last year when I made out with a girl. I even went clubbing consistently last year to get rejected so it became easier, but I still struggle with it from time to time. Like, I’ll approach a woman, but I’ll ask her a question like where she got her hat from because I don’t know what else to say.

I feel a lot of it is also because I don’t value myself a lot. I view myself as someone who is still a high school loser who can’t get women and is always friendzoned. I kind of treat myself as a joke sometimes because I ask, 'Why would women want to pick me?' I don’t know what it is maybe it’s a mindset thing, like I’m cursed. I’m not a 'nice guy,' but I feel like I give off that vibe or not taken seriously.

I also tend to not know what to say to a woman when I like her. I’m so lost. I’ve got no guidance on this, and it doesn't help when my best friend, who’s in a relationship, can’t give jack shit for advice besides a 'just be yourself, man.' I could have Googled that.

I need help, please. I’m tired of not getting any action and just feeling like a helpless kid who needs his hand held. I want to be more I know I can be.