u/FewerAlternatives

This is mostly for sub men, but anyone can interact.

So I'm a little new to this whole community. Just kinda been lurking and seeing what I like. I've had light online interactions and only one real world physical one.

I'm way more domme than I am sub, but I wanted to try subbing to see if I like it/can learn anything from it. And what I learned is that a lot of "dominant women", especially online, are scammers, bots, or just looking for free money. It's not as bad in person, but there's still a lot of it. It seems there's an expectation that the man will always pay/facilitate the experience, which seems wrong when you're subbing, idk if that's a valid viewpoint. I feel like it should be mutual.

I've been called a "time waster" numerous times when chatting with someone because I refused to give them money. This has happened to me online(Mostly) and IRL I don't know if I'm just a dumbass or if this is common. I was straight up told "I need payment so I can be compensated for my time" This was IRL and pretty recent, and kinda the reason I'm making this post. I at first thought I was interacting with a sex worker, but no... She just called me a time waster and told me not to talk to her. Which I obliged, of course.

I understand that in these types of relationships you need to build trust, you need to spend time with one another. Just jumping straight into bed is unhealthy and even dangerous, and I understand that maybe that might involve spending money on a night out. I'm not expecting free fun. BUT I'm also not soliciting a sex worker! I'm looking for a PARTNER, not necessarily a long-term partner, but a safe, comfortable, and friendly person to explore some kinks with! Is that unreasonable? I feel like it isn't...

Also these "dominant women" have crossed my boundaries numerous times and I feel like it's not respected when I bring it up, I just get called a "time waster" and belittled for it or they tell me not to interact with them and try to guilt trip me into breaking down a boundary.

I guess ultimately my question is: For any sub men out there (and women) is it hard to find a dom who isn't, I guess scamming, or someone who feels like they're trying to exploit me in some way? Or is it normal for a sub to be pushed around? At least that's how I feel...

I hope this post makes sense. If you need clarification just let me know... Also Idk if this falls under Rule#2. If not i'm sorry.

I KNOW THIS WAS A LITTLE RANTY, BUT I WAS TRYING TO BUILD CONTEXT AS TO WHY I WAS ASKING THE QUESITON!