u/Flurponic2262

Just a quick vent..sorry.

So, when life gets extra stressful, I tend to fall deeper into the control of my submissive side. Now my wife (love her to death) is more subby than I am, so I don't get to be dominated....ever.

Only once...

I had a domme once...she was amazing and really opened my eyes to a lot of things about this kinky world and about myself, but I also learned afterwards that she did NOT treat me right almost at all. She'd punish me with by not responding, ignore me for hours on end, get mad at me when i asked her if I was good enough for her or questioned if I did good after a play session, shed tell me I shouldve said those things right after we finished, not the next day, and then be mad at me all day. It only ended after she started disappearing all together. Sometimes days or weeks at a time, claiming it was family and life stress that made her not be able to respond, but she said she enjoyed watching my panicked texts and snaps coming through to her...till one day she disappeared for 3 months...texted me out of the blue after I moved on (and learned how bad her treatment was) and asked to play....i was smart and told her off and blocked her but...when I get stressed and that subby side thay I normally suppress comes out more i...always miss her. But I know, shes toxic and controlling in the wrong ways..i thank her for making me learn about myself but I curse her for creating a monster who can't be happy without its fix.

I know she doesnt deserve me.

I know im better off without her.

But god fucking damnit I miss the comfort of submission when the world gets too much.. i dont miss her...i miss what she represented to me..comfort..