This post is really, really just going to be a ramble, so I apologize in advance.
I’m F20 (21 in July) living at home in the western USA (not coastal). I’ve always been a strong, independent, “get sh\*t done” type of person & I am so, fucking exhausted. I’m so tired of having to be strong, responsible & carrying the weight of so much responsibility & obligation in a life that doesn’t feel like my own. I want to feel cute, feminine. I want so desperately to relax, not think about everyone else & just be taken care of. I feel so forgotten, lonely & lost. I’ve always known I’ve been into DDLG; both as a kink when I’m horny & as a fun dynamic when I’m not. I’ve never explored it, so if you’re wanting someone experienced that is NOT me.. however, I know if I were just given the opportunity, I could delve into it & explore how I want to incorporate it into my life.
I just got out of a 4.5yr relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry. He didn’t feel the same & waited until Valentine’s Day to tell me. I know Valentine’s Day was months ago, but 2 days later I left for a (pre-planned) 2mo trip where I didn’t think about it once. I’ve been home for less than 2 weeks & it is hitting me right now all at once. I don’t really think I’m quite ready to jump into a relationship again, but I think I’m ready to start dipping my toes into this community & being to build a bond with someone.
I am hurt. I am lost. I am lonely & feel like I’m screaming for help to a family & friends who can’t be bothered to sit with me & let me be vulnerable. But, at the same time, I am ready to move forward & I think for me this is the first step. I think I know what I want in my next relationship, as my ex-boyfriend was quite a ‘sub’ just… really incompetent in being self-sufficient for the both of us. He was very forgetful of important things & really couldnt do things by himself. Im sick of being a back bone. Im sick of being the one everyone else dumps their load on. Please, someone just let me relax & crumple into their arms. Being held right now, & just told everything is going to be okay would fix so many yucky feelings right now.
With all that said, I think I know what I want in my next companion…:
\- a gentler dom
\- not easily frustrated, annoyed or angered
\- not into sadism or degradation
\- not into this community purely for the sexual aspects, but genuinely enjoys taking care of someone
\- can enjoy & reciprocate light banter, taunting & maybe some occasional brattiness..
\- can regularly & consistently chat throughout the day
\- can respect & understand when no means no, but can also understand when to be a little more stern & encouraging
\- is seeking something similar to me— a casual bond
\- can be vulnerable & share THEIR emotions. I don’t want someone stoic, but a man who can both be empathetic & emotional in their own sense
\- can be a ‘normal’ person but dom when needed
\- enjoys having control yet has a willingness to please
I know this is a lot to ask for, & for transparency I want to share what (I assume) many will find to be a deal breaker. Here are some things about me I’m sure will deter many:
\- i dont have a libido. I’m RARELY horny & need time to be comfortable sharing that type of stuff
\- Similarly, i dont really care to hear about or be pressured into helping you with your.. “urges”
\- I’m not really in the department of sharing explicit pictures
\- I’m not crazy about sending face pics (insecurity), but the more comfortable I get the more confidence I find & the more pics I want to send. Though, obviously I understand the (semi) importance of wanting an attractive partner & will send a face pic when I feel comfortable sharing
\- I’ve come a long way & continue to work towards working through it.. but i do have anxiety & do occasionally get overwhelmed. Sometimes I need a break, sometimes I need to be calmed down. Normally im really good at communicating my need for a breather. I’m used to dealing with anxiety & panic attacks by myself as I feel like a burden to others (& it’s embarrassing).
\- The most embarrassing thing I feel the need to be transparent about, is I do have cyclothymia (bipolar III). IMO it’s not super noticeable, but I’m basically up & down mood wise. I’m talking potentially within hours.
\- I want someone willing to take things slow with me
\- I’m personally not into ABDL
\- I fucking hate phone calls, but with enough trust & encouragement (& willingness to deal with my awkwardness) it’s something I’m sure we can manage.
\- I can be a bit shy, reserved or occasionally stand offish when I feel the need to protect myself.
\- I don’t wear makeup & rarely dress up cutely. I’m very much into wearing things that are functional & comfortable. You couldn’t catch me wearing a dress in 30°F weather because “it looks cute.” Bitch it’s cold!!!
\- I dress “modestly” I don’t wear skirts, shorts or dresses that I can’t comfortably move around in. I don’t wear low-cut shirts or push up bras.
\- I am vaguely looking for some financal help. Of course I have a job (my own business, infact) but it’s very inconsistent & I’m struggling to afford certain things. This would really really be TEMPORARY. Right now I just would appreciate help with paying for gas, my medications, feminine products, minor/occasional groceries, my Spotify subscription & a single class at a local community college in the fall. Not needing a sugar daddy, $100s of dollars weekly allowance.. just small things until I can get back to a steady & comfortable financial pace. I am by no means a lavish, brand-name girl. I don’t buy expensive things & am very resourceful & efficient with money. I’d really like to put a HUGE emphasis on VAGUELY hoping for the help & TEMPORARILY. I’m very aware many people are struggling right now & if you can’t support me in that department NO BIG DEAL. I also absolutely DO NOT WANT help from someone who would jeopardize their own financial stability for mine. Again, I just want to be transparent.
These are all the things I can think of right now, it’s nearly 1am & I usually go to bed at 9–10pm.. I’m exhausted & crying, & really not expecting much from this post other than just some rude comments. But I am desperate & willing to admit it. I’m heart broken, lost, exhausted, lonely & feel so forgotten about. I just want someone who will let me breathe a sigh of relief.
Please, someone be out there for me.