u/GlumDrag4610

I went from desperately wanting sex, to getting pitiful duty sex, to not wanting sex with my wife.

Now I dread the thought of sex with her. Sadly this has become the new thing to feel resentment over. I want sex but I don’t want it with her, and honestly I feel resentful that I don’t feel like it would be fulfilling to have it with anyone.

Has anyone been through this resentment cycle? What is the end game?

Wife (40LL4U) text me (45HLM) Friday night asking if I wanted sex this weekend. WOW! What a turn of events.

Saturday night rolls around, the kids are in bed, she tells me to come in when I’m ready. I go in, disrobe she’s nude in bed. Start making out, she’s super wet so I start playing with her clit. She says, “can you stop?” with an edge to her voice like I’m annoying her.

Okay I’m not going to make a thing of it, she pulls me on top and I go inside.

It has been a while so I want to take my time, I want to feel it and enjoy it. She starts getting into it, grabbing me, watching me go in and out. I go to kiss her and she turns her head from me.

Okay I’m not going to make a thing of it so I go at her neck. We cum but I’m not done. I keep going for about a minute, but then she pushes me off of her.

Okay I guess we’re done. Normally I would be happy to take what I can get but this felt different. It was so transactional, like I did what you wanted so leave.

I honestly hope I never have that type of sex again in my entire life. One sided-get it over with-close the door when you leave-sex. It was humiliating.

I am not going to have a conversation with her about this. I am not going to be sad about not having sex with her either. In a way I am glad it happened because now I know the sex I want in my life is not the sex I am going to get with her.

My (45 HLM) wife (40 LLF4U) have been in a sexless marriage for about 5 years. We’re talking less than 10x a year.

Long backstory short: We have been fighting, she’s been stonewalling, our therapist recently fired us and asked why we’re scared to divorce. She is determined to try, I am not going to leave until my kids are older so I am here for the ride.

In our last conversation about how we proceed I said,

“You have needs, I have needs and we both need to recognize those needs and not pretend they don’t exist. It’s also on us to vocalize our needs. We won’t always be able to 100% fulfill each other’s needs but we should at least try. We should give whatever we can to each other. If we are not willing to do that as a minimum, there is no point to us being together.”

She exploded, saying it’s a major trigger for me to threaten leaving her. She kept going on about how I was threatening to leave. My only response was, I think you’re missing the point of what I was saying.

The whole exploding into anger felt like she was turning the table on me and manipulating my words. Was this gaslighting or was I too harsh with what I said? Still, to me, it doesn’t seem like what I was saying is outlandish.