The King who made me realize before I even realized
It was back in school and his name was Mr. Stanhope. He refused to tell me his firstrealized. I only thought I was into girls at the time. He was tall even for a black man, over six feet, but I'm only 5'2 so very very sort for a man, and my judgment probably isn't very good. But he was much taller than me, and from my perspective and vantage point it felt like at least a foot. Hell, most women are taller than me. He was very strong, like known for it in the school. The least I ever saw him in was when he was doing something outside with the landscape during the summer,was a tank top, and those farily short mens shorts from the 80's that these kids started wearing agian. But he was strong-thick like a real working man. He had a very nice tapiered beard.
I certainly took extra time to check him out when he was sweating. I didn't have any experience at the time, but in retrospect his bulge in those sweat soaked shorts was intimidating, It actually took me a second to realize what it was, because it was so much bigger than mine it didn'timmediately register as a dick . Especially being me, short, stocky, chubby, pretty thick. Like, guys would occasionally slap my ass "ironically" or to ridicule me. And somehow everyone just assumed I had a small dick, even now people do ingeneral. I'm half-indian half-white so you know maybe thats why people assumed I've got a very small dick. Or that if I'm not careful or don't sit down, the front of my pants will usually be a little wet. And even with being careful it'll still happen occasionally. It is also completely true that I have a very small penis. I'm three inches on a good day and thin with it. My appearance got a little darker as I've aged and I look more ethnic when I grow a beard, but at the time in like 2007-2011, I couldn't grow much facial hair so I shaved it, and was overall pretty fair skinned and only slightly olive toned. Combine that with the sort of collar length straight black hair that I wore at the time and liked to keep shiny and nice. Like, girls would occasionally comment on how nice it looked and felt. I still like to grow it out at sometimes.
So overall I wasn't like super masculine or intimidating in appearance, but I wasn't really feminine either. Weridly in the middle without being actually androgynous. I also didn't seem to be included with other men when people would speak about men as a group, even today too. Still kinda werid, but especially then. Even today female friends will seem to occasionally forget I'm a man, somehow. I was also a delinquent, at least partially out of compensation. I would often slip out the loading docks to ditch school, smoke weed and cigarettes, or pass a flask around. Mr. Stanhope caught me several times doing this till he just started letting me back in, but he was always sure to lecture or advise me. He had a lot of smart things to say, and we became pretty good friends. I always did get a odd sensation around him, like a werid tingling in my brain that I couldn't figure out at the time, and it got stronger when I was physically nearer to him or he did something that made me feel short. The tingling feeling also happened with the bigger black boys but not as strongly.
I realized later that it was the fact that Mr.Stanhope, the big black boys, and larger black men in general making me feel smaller and weaker was what was doing it for me. My delinquent activities gave me plenty of opportunities over the years to realize some more things about myself lol. Just have to say no homo, right? A lot more guys than would admit are not as picky about who gets them off as they say in public. Mr. Stanhope and I kept in touch for 5 or 6 years after I graduated, but then we lost contact. Though if he's like half as good looking as 3/4ths as charming now as I thought he was back then, I'd throw it back for him this very moment.
I used to have more significant issues with my self image, especially with the general negative responses women give when I try to pursue them, not always though. I learned that black men, at least a fair number, rather like my build. I also have come to prefer to keep my body hair sparse to completely gone. Smooth feels nice. I used to wear a beard because I had a sales job, but Im switching so I've decided to start shaving it completely and grow my hair out some. My new job isn't a manual labor one, but because it's related to the environment and horticulture some of that will be required. I've already started doing squats a bit ago, but I'm still pretty chubby, and this job will probably shave off a decent amount of weight. So if anyone has and tips or links how to keep my ass sufficiently thick I would greatly appreciate it. I have broad shoulders, so It might be possible to shoot for a kinda sorta hourglass figure if I'm lucky? I would also really like to hear other peoples stories about what or who makes them realize it.