hemorrhoid surgery and scared.
i’m posting this again with a different title in hopes someone responds, so to start off I’m 23f and recently went to a gastroenterologist and from there was referred to a colorectal surgeon. I was told I have a grade 3 hemorrhoid with external components (making them mixed most likely from a thrombosed external hemmy at the same time as a internal hemorrhoid combining) and was told I would need a one column surgery and not rubber band ligation because of the external components making it too risky. Also he had told me that I don’t need to push in my internal hemorrhoid because it can cause irritation to the external components and essentially make them worse and idk how to feel about this. before this I was always pushing them back inside like every 30 minutes because part of it would slip back out but i’m guessing that’s the external part. This has been very debilitating for me and i’ve never experienced this before so it was all just a shock. I’m having multiple panic attacks, been in pain while being uncomfortable 24/7. I’m scared about the surgery but this place was the only place close to me that accepts self pay so a second opinion isn’t really possible for me rn. I recently lost my insurance benefits while my mom was in the hospital needing an emergency tracheotomy after she had stopped breathing for 6 mins but managed to revive her. I reapplied and decided to give it 2 weeks and deal with the pain but the pain was too bad and ofc this happens when I lose my benefits. This has really put a huge toll on my life with already terrible mental health. I’ve been through so much and i’m just tired. I just need some kind words to push me through this or words of motivation for anyone who’s been through this.