TIL about depth play through this sub, turns out I've been doing it for a while?
TL;DR is in bold toward the bottom!
The story: After trying for like, years, in every possible position, with toys of every permutation of size and shape, vibrating, inflating, hell, even electrical-play, I have yet to hit that golden high. Occasionally, I'll hit a libidinous high point and take the extra time to be like, "What the hell am I doing wrong?" Which invariably leads me here. Every. Time. (Because websites, medical sites, etc etc are all the same boilerplate advice on this subject.)
The backstory: Pretty much my whole being is antithetical to this type of stim. I had an incredibly abusive childhood, which did include sexual abuse. I have MDD and OCD and just constant intrusive thoughts, so definitely not in that "relaxed state of mind", ever, really. Even when I was in puberty, it took me forever to get off, and I could only do so in one position. (kneeling) My frenulum is incredibly sensitive, but I simply cannot cum from having it stimulated, no matter what. I have to stimulate the dorsal part of my head, underneath the glans.
Recently, I began undergoing sexual trauma therapy and in the past few months I've had some real breakthroughs, leading to a new lease on my sexuality. It's like a switch has been flipped; I'm now horny several times a day most days, and get off at least twice. While I wouldn't say I'm able to hit that state of relaxation, I can focus now and get into the moment more. (I also had some med changes, so I'm sure that has helped as well)
At any rate, last year I got a decently large toy (9.5" insertable, 2.6" diameter) kind of out of frustration at not being able to really reach anything satisfying with an nJoy wand; nor anything thick n stout; nor this fleshy pink number of average size which, to my mind at least, brought me the closest I'd come to a Super O. I figured, why not give size a try? When I tried the 7 incher at first, it felt huge and I felt sexy with it in me.
It's strange, I see people everywhere talking about not being able to take this or that, but I have never had an issue with getting stuff to fit. To wit: the first few times using this girthy stallion, I took almost the whole thing. And, for the sake of painting a complete picture, my libido kinda sucked for a long, long time, and so buttplay was a fairly occasional thing. However, this kinda altered the game for me. I loves me a challenge, and I was determined to ride this thing to victory. But, again, it was not to be. I could ride until I was sore, and I'd hit a peak, then plateau and just lose it.
But, even though it didn't work to get me off, I did have some crazy pleasant feelings, which is what spurred me on to keep trying. Often when I'd use it, it'd be partially inserted, and then I'd move a little bit and it would slide like, right in, down to the hilt. When this happened, I'd get this intense feeling, my legs would shake and get weak, I'd get super giddy and giggly, and I wondered what the hell this was? But, the feeling was either short-lived -- I'd try and grind or wriggle around but it didn't seem to make a difference -- or I got this weird "pressure" feeling, where I felt like maybe it was going somewhere, but, while not painful, I felt this internal "go back", feeling. As I've been feeling sexually better now, I've been using this thick fucker on almost a daily basis, same sort of dead end results, which brought me back here.
Anyway, in this digital sojourn, I ran across a post about "the sigmoid colon", which in turn led to finding posts about depth play. Reading about this more and more, it definitely sounded like what I was experiencing. A few people mentioned their legs getting weak, getting a really crazy feeling once it's in all the way, their "brain short-circuiting", etc. All things I feel for those blissful few minutes it's working its magic inside of me. Haha, I giggle and laugh in a brain-turn-off-okay-feel-good-now dumb sort of way. I definitely need that.
So, apparently I've been depth playing for a while now, I just didn't know what it was, or why! Thanks, people, for informing me! Now I can go and honestly try to move it around at different angles to see if that produces any more results beyond just being bouncy and giggling like a schoolgirl.