The person I was talking to found someone else, disappointed and feeling down
We've only been talking for a week or two so I know I shouldn't care much or at the least it's not healthy to attach to people so fast but I'm very sad still. For context I haven't wanted to date for the last 2 years so I had time to work on myself and to avoid rejection as I don't deal with it well.
Recently I've been feeling more and more like I want to try dating again and decided to respond to a personal. She sounded sweet, we got off to an amazing start, and I really thought she might be someone who could indulge my little side, but something changed soon after and she became distant.
I cried for a while on my way home today --- ugly tears --- and i couldn't stop the stream. It's silly but I feel like I chronically put a lot into people and don't get much out. When I'm interested in someone I put in my all. I text each morning and night. I check in throughout the day. I ask about their life. I make their birthday the most special day theyve ever had spending all night baking and taking them on extravagant trips. Yet I still never get questions about me... or people taking time to learn what I enjoy in life as I do with them... Or even to be told happy birthday like when I was with my ex.
My friend thinks that's because I attract the wrong people. My brain tells me it's because I'm undeserving. Maybe there's some middle ground or triangular point wholly removed from those two ideas that's more true, who knows. I wonder sometimes if searching for a partner in person is wiser. I just don't know what I would do if it got out that I use a pacifier sometimes considering the high profile career I look to lead.
I know I shouldn't have cared but I did. It reopened a wound Ive patched and sewn over years and it's festering. I don't want any of this to come off as begging for pity as it really is ok this happened. Its an inevitable part of dating and frankly she did the right thing when the time arrived yet it doesn't make me any less sad that I wasn't the one chosen. I only hope next time I will fare better in life's dealings.