[M33] I found years—possibly terabytes—of meticulously organized porn on my partner's computer. Should I be concerned?
I recently discovered that my partner has what I consider to be an extremely concerning relationship with porn. I saw that he was torrenting a bunch of porn, so I opened the folder it was saving to and found years' worth—possibly terabytes—of gay and straight porn. I can't even begin to express the sheer volume of what I found.
Beyond just downloading it, the level of organization is otherworldly. He has everything organized by date, type, model, etc., with folders inside folders inside folders. I know it wasn't great of me to invade his privacy and go looking through his files, but I've found other things in the past that have broken my trust. When I saw the downloading app open while he was working on his laptop, I honestly couldn't help myself.
We both work from home and do basically everything together, and I've never even seen him masturbate alone, so I'm not even sure when he watches it. And the amount he has is so enormous that it seems impossible he could ever actually watch more than a fraction of it.
I wouldn't really mind too much if I didn't think it was affecting our sex life, but it clearly is. Our sex life has almost come to a screeching halt. We both deal with depression, but beyond that, he has never once initiated sex. I realize that's just the case for some couples, but after discovering all of this, I can't help but see a connection between his relationship with porn and his lack of desire to initiate—or even have—sex with me.
When I confronted him about it, he didn't really explain why he does it or what drives him. He said something to the effect of it being related to his low self-esteem, and also that it's a hobby. But beyond that, I really didn't get much of an explanation.
Over the last several years, our sex life has slowed down significantly. When we do have sex, it almost always involves watching porn, looking for a third, scrolling on apps, etc. It doesn't feel very romantic or intimate anymore.
Does anyone have experience with something like this? What can I do to help him? I've tried multiple times to tell him how much I think this affects us and our relationship, and how concerned I am. It's not that I have anything against porn—I love porn myself—but the sheer volume of it, the organization, and the number of hours he must be putting into collecting it all feels very concerning to me.
Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
TL;DR: I recently discovered that my partner has years' worth—possibly terabytes—of meticulously organized gay and straight porn. I'm not against porn and enjoy it myself, but the sheer volume, the amount of time he seems to spend collecting it, and the way our sex life has nearly disappeared have me seriously concerned. He rarely seems interested in sex with me, never initiates it, and when we do have sex, it often involves porn or apps instead of intimacy. I'm trying to understand what's driving this behavior and whether there's anything I can do to help.