r/AskGayMen

Hey all, first-time poster. I’m in my early 20s, this is genuinely my first time pursuing anyone, so I’d appreciate honest reads. Open to hearing this is a soft no because I just want to read the situation accurately instead of spiraling on my own.

Quick background: Met a European expat grad student on Grindr about 1wk ago. We’re in Asia. Hit it off in chat, moved to a regular messaging app, talked daily since.

Two in-person meetups in the past week:
First one was casual. We ended up at the same coffee shop. He came over, we worked side by side for a bit, and then he proposed grabbing dinner. After dinner, we walked around for a bit, and he walked me back to my school after. Felt warm.

Between meetups I noticed he blocked me on Grindr but stayed actively engaged on our regular chat. I read this as him moving us out of the hookup app frame, but honestly not sure. He blocked me on Grindr while his Tinder profile explicitly states he’s looking for an LTR, which is part of why I’m confused about how to read the block.

Second meetup I proposed — Friday night, dinner + a 2.5 hour walk around the city. Lots of laughing, lots of mutual play-fighting & shoulder pushing, lots of inside jokes. He kept calling me “bro.” I was flipping him off jokingly a lot. He waited for my taxi to show up before riding off on his scooter.

Later that night I sent two messages back to back:

1. “Had a really good time tonight”
2. “I actually wanted to see you again, that’s why I asked about Friday”

His response: he quote-replied only the first message, said “Same. It’s just my knee that hurts so badly I could barely enjoy🫠” and didn’t acknowledge the second message at all.

He’s also leaving for a 2-month trip in about a month.

Where I’m stuck:

1. The quote-reply dodge. He’s fluent in English, definitely understood. So it looks deliberate. Is this most likely a soft no, or could it be a reserved guy who genuinely can’t respond to direct expressions of interest in real time?

2. The Grindr block while staying warm everywhere else… is this typically a clean not interested romantically signal, or have any of you done this for other reasons?

3. Where do I go from here if I actually want to pursue him? First time doing this, so I’m completely blind on how to flirt or escalate from a bro dynamic.

Thanks in advance. Roast me gently if needed. Because this is the first time I’ve ever had feelings for someone.🙂‍↕️

I'm just curious cause we read a lot of stories about "bottom's first time" but never about tops. Storytime!

(first time poster on here, just to get this off my chest. don't know if i'll probably delete this bc i'm not one to talk about these things publicly but it's happened a few times now and it's been hard)

so, don't know about you guys, but i love being close enough with friends that we can flirt/make out/hook up with no problem at all (most of them are in open relationships). most of these friendships began online via twitter/bluesky or sometimes even grindr/scruff. all in good terms, i say they're hot and they say it to me too, we talk about what we'd like to do to each other, we trade photos, all that good shit, completely consensual from both sides.

however, whenever i try to meet them in a bar or something (we live in the same big city) and i put on my best behavior, act flirty and everything, at the end of the night i still see them making out amongst themselves while i end up alone and feeling completely invisible/unattractive and my self esteem (which already isn't that great lmao) drops down to hell.

it's been happening the last times i went out with an entire group of gays and i really don't want this to become this big of an issue because even though my main friend group is very progressive and has some queer people in it, it's still very hetero-centric and i miss the connection that only gay people have with each other. so i don't wanna miss out on this because having a community and support network is extremely important to me

Japan is famous for being different from other countries, but it is important for Japanese gays to detail the type of man they like in their profiles, such as "I like machos", "I like white people" and "I like Asians", etc.

The other day, I received messages from a black gay who came to Japan for sightseeing on a matching app, and I didn't reply, but he was quite persistent, so I refused by saying, "I'm sorry, I'm only Asian or Japanese type," and He suddenly got angry and "You are such a racist bitch Die!!!" He sent me back like this. Am I racist? ( I'm sorry for the stupid question, I don't mean any offense) In Western countries You can’t tell anyone Your mans type now?

I read about this condition few months ago, and it's driving me paranoid.

It seems that ocular Herpes can permanently scar the cornea if not treated quickly. This is really scary.

Is this something all of you keep in mind as a ris, and take steps to prevent?

How common is this? Should I actually be concerned?

I believe the risk if highest when indulging in cum facials?

I’ve tried quite a few times and often can’t make it feel worthwhile. Any tips to help?

Had a weird encounter today while on the street. My BF and I were talking and holding hands. One guy randomly came up and said, whatever you guys are doing, it's working. I was like, ok... thanks? He went on like, try with ice cubes. It works well! Really! I was like, ok... Then he went away. My BF and I were so confused. Was he talking about specific sex stuff or what that means?

One of my gay friends recently broke down and started yapping about how he has been putting himself out there for many years without being able to find a partner. He complained about how he felt pressured to get fit, join gay sports clubs, flirt with guys for years to no avail. I was just sitting there and listening to him as a pretty average dude who hardly gets a few hookups a year and trying to understand his struggle and I couldn’t! Lol

I've used those spiky/bumpy dishwashing gloves for jacking off. I also love foot stimulation and got this wooden roller for plantar fascitis that has these bumpy and spiky textured rollers that feel awesome while jacking off. I've also used clothespins and chip clips as nipple clamps. And plenty of random phallic objects as dildos before I learned they have to be body safe materials. What about you guys? Any fellow MacGyvers of gooning?

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I met a cute guy not long ago, but we don't live in the same city, so we love sending each other photos and videos to get each other turned on. I'm looking for ideas of sex games i could do with him during our online session if you have any ideas.

How do you handle semen on household items? For example, if it accidentally gets on a table, sofa, bed or any other object, do you clean it thoroughly with soap right away, do a quick wipe, or just leave it until regular cleaning?

Does it just mean not liking penetration either way (top/bottom)? Or is it something else?

I’ve been married for 20+ years to a woman, got married young. She was out as bi when we met, I came out some years later.

It became clear I think to both of us that I was increasingly less interested in her (and never showed any interest in other women) and increasingly interested in guys. We tried incorporating porn into our sex life at one point and I responded very strongly to gay porn and not at all to anything with women in it. Sex life got to a point (for years) where I needed to watch gay porn to get hard with her and needed to finish with her on her stomach and using a healthy dose of imagination.

We tried an open relationship at her suggestion (I really had very limited prior experience with men), which led us both to figure out we were mostly sexually interested in the same sex. Our sex life pretty much stopped about 5 years ago; about a year ago we started keeping separate rooms. About 3 nights a week I go out with guys (some dates, some FWBs) and about 3 nights a week she goes out with women. I feel at times I’m gay, other times that I’m bi, but very gay-leaning. I tend to notice attractive women more in public, but don’t feel any sexual desire for them like I do with men. Usually the minute I think anything sexual about a woman I immediately lose interest. At the same time I’d like to try and go back to what we once had (I do still love her), but don’t know it’s possible at this point.

Looking for honest thoughts. Please be nice.

Hey guys- 32 y/o gay guy here. During my 20’s and probably first year into my 30’s, I’d say I was very sexually active. I had a 3 year relationship from 24-27, and then was right back at it. Now, at 32- It’s like I’ve had a sudden mental shift around hookups and reflecting on my past hookups is leaving me feeling… regret. It freaks me out looking back on them because now I would most certainly not partake so casually. I think most of this is surrounded around becoming extremely health conscious and feeling like that behavior was risky (despite being fully vaccinated, I rarely used condoms- most encounters were oral). Has anyone else experienced this? I’m really trying to not shame myself for my past- those hookups were part of me discovering myself- but I would be lying to you if I wasn’t feeling shame. Ugh! (And yes, I’m talking about this with my therapist).

Just a virgin guy here, really curious about serving men for real. Excuse me if the question might sound silly or something :)

I was looking on sniffies and found a cd pump and dump and messaged the host and got accepted to it. Im 19 and only have had 2 prior sexual experiences with guys. Is there anything/ tips i should know? Sorry if this is not too informative or seems like a low quality post

Edit- from what you are advising me of doing, like getting on prep and not going unless i am on, it has been super helpful. I am now planning on not going. I will be trying to get on PrEP and doxy before trying anything else. Never knew condoms were still not foolproof against stds and infections. Thank you all for sharing information and helping me make a smart decision

I need some outside perspective.

There’s a guy I really, really like. We’re not together yet, but I already know I’m not looking for something casual — I want this to become a serious relationship if things go well.

He likes me too (at least that’s how it feels), but he hasn’t been very proactive so far.

He has a 5-hour layover in my city, and after that we probably won’t see each other again for another month.

He said he wants to hug me, but also told me he’d be happy even if we just get coffee.

I’m torn.

Part of me wants to spend those 5 hours just talking, eating, and building connection because I care about him and want something real.

Another part of me wonders if I should book a hotel and let us explore physical closeness too, since we don’t get many chances to meet.

If your goal was a serious relationship, what would you choose?
Would you prioritise emotional connection first, or physical connection?

(And if someone likes you but isn’t very proactive yet… would that affect your decision?)

Musk

For tops or bottoms, how does it feel? For bottoms, when you orgasm does it hurt? For tops, is it tighter?

It's been my routine since high school. There have been very few days when I haven't jerked off or fucked first thing in the morning as soon as I wake uo.

Is it just me, a fucking horny dog, or do you too feel the same urge?