Finally ready to talk about it here.

Tried to do a few times in past year, but chickened out. Sorry about the length, and thank you if you read all of this.

I (23M) had feeling toward my mom (44) for a very long time. Some of other members may remember my posts.

It was a childhood crush at first, "Mom I want to marry you" type. Past few years, after I moved out from my father's place and moved in with my mom, the fire reignited. Once innocent crush, this time came out as sexual attraction.

This goes back when I was 19. Feeling started when I first saw a part of here bare private parts, and more later. Happens when two people live in a small house. One thing led to another, guilt hurting, confusion of what is that feeling.

Years going went on slowly, guilt started to fade as I understood and accepted the way I felt. But also some changes were happening that I was unaware of. I slowly began falling in love with her.

She had a bad marriage with my father, real bad. A traditional marraige that should never have happend in first place. So first time in years, she found a manly figure in her life, the support, the compliments. I was suggested to treat her like my girl, even if we never had anything going on. She also started to treat me, see me as man of the house. Slowly, little by little, I filled the role and my feeling shifted into love than desire. I began wanting to be her actuall man, and not just a figure.

I began being more bold. Planning events for her, buying intimate gifts like underwear, she was in clouds when I gave her the gifts. But I was too slow, and too late. I should have started a year or two before. Someone was hitting on her online, and I did not know it.

This guy, which is currently my stepfather, been hitting on her for like 6 or more months when I began my actions. He (56), don't want to be too specific, is a person who works in medical fields. Has good income, social status, etc. He basically had far more easier chance than me. I had show feeling to her, make her confortable about incest, get her to begin slowly feel the same way, not to mention my mother is generally a hard goal when it comes to relationships. But he only had to do one job. Also he was a distant relative, which she had a crush on in her childhood.

It was a few days before our national new year. We were hanging out with our friends in the beach at night. She called me over a bit far from others and after a short unpleasant silence, she began speaking. Telling me everything, that there is this guy and he asked her to marry him, and she intends to say yes. You can't imagine the pain I felt in my chest, it was like whole world collapsed on my head.

I was planning to sit down and open up with her right after new years began. I intended to do way before, but our cat passed away and we did not have the conditions to talk about this subject back then, I wish I did back then. The marriage process happend fast, we moved to another city. Not just I lost her, I lost my job, my social life I had build in 5 years. I just gave up on her, knowing she had better change being happy for once with him rather than with me.

If those weren't enough to make me depressed. She completly became cold with me. I used to hug her, hold hands, cuddle, etc. but she bagan completly refusing me even holding her hand, telling me "Only my man can touch me", even the sweat talks faded away. She began treating me as a child, like a young boy.

I thought over time bad feelings may start ease and fade. But how wrong I was, it is getting worse. The pain is get even more intense whenever she asked why I am not my usual productive energetic self anymore, that I have to get used to the changes by now. Little she knows how I feel. I was scared to confess before, even more scared now. Stepfather is religious and his believes affected her to a point she even questions support for LGBTQ, adopting his view. It is like I don't know who she is anymore.

Finally I wish I told her I was not okay with that marriage, first for what happend in the past year, and also another reason. He hasn't resolved/finished the divorce case of her previous marraige, legally he has two wives right now, first one doesn't know anything about my mom. Only thing that gives high stress to my mom, sometimes making her cry. This makes me mad, I did not approve him to treat her like this, make her cry. But my stepfather and I have good relationship with each other, that is good. Problem is about my mom.

Overall, I am deep in shit and can do nothing about it. Confused to what to do. Have no money, all savings went to zero, l am not even motivated enough to finish university.

Give your opinions if you feel like

Thanks for reading to this point! 🤍