Drifting
So I have been married now for over 8 years and was married prior to this marriage. I can’t help but feel like we have drifted apart in the bedroom. I want similar amounts of sex if not more than when we started dating and my wife seems fine with significantly less sex. For those with a mind for numbers. To get me to 90% happiness I would need sex daily. To get to 99% I would need it like three times a day and there would never really be 100% so with that high drive in mind I get why she wouldn’t be able to long term keep up. I also would like to add she has added effort and we have gone from having sex every 20 or so days down to about 10 which is still not frequent enough for me. I hate the idea of bringing it up because I know she is putting in effort and I’m beginning to see the amount she would have to put in to get me to 90% as not worth it. On top of that I don’t really feel like she enjoys sex as much any more. Which sucks. I’m very eager to please so if there is something that needs to be done it just has to be mentioned and it’s happening. She doesn’t like to talk dirty. She is self conscious about kissing me and a whole other slew of reasons why I can’t get some of the things I would like. I haven’t fought it. I just sort of quietly accepted limitations and moved on. With sex being less fun I have started to lose interest. It’s kind of heart breaking figuring out how much of your personality is tied to your sexuality (at least for me in my case) and slowly feeling it sort of die. Like I don’t know what is a normal level of sexual decline for couples. I also fully get and accept life is a turn off sometimes and things a husband can do to increase the likelihood they will have sex. I have applied that in waves but have never really been completely selfish and not willing to help out. I truly think this is just a sexual mismatch and I’m pretty much stuck in sexual mode all day which is probably the problem. Unfortunately we don’t spend a lot of time talking about what is normal for a couple to experience in this arena. And I know things come and go in seasons. I would love some advice because the idea of talking to my wife about how I’m feeling about it and being ready to give up on sex this season seems like a conversation I should think carefully through. I know there will be lots of questions so I think it’s important I understand myself. Oh. Few more things to fill in the psych profile. I’m a combat veteran addicted to caffeine and adrenaline. Also adopted(mommy issues). And not super interested in “fixing” being over sexual. I definitely want to understand and figure out how outside of the norm I am. But I over all enjoy being a person that everything does have a slight sexual shade to them. As of late I have found my eye has started to wander but I don’t think it’ll impact much. I view it all as a trap where I continue to spiral and make worse decisions or I end up with a new person after all that struggle just for them to have lower drive than initial. so I’m not worried about cheating. I’d just like to feel happy and desired in my sex life rather than a burden. But I get that my drive is really high and probably won’t find many that want to always be engaging in some sort of playful sex.