u/LewdieBB

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I’ve been struggling with my identity a bit and wanted some advice from people who might relate. For context, I’m 6ft, 170lbs, a competitive climber, and in good shape. I’ve never had trouble dating women, I’ve had a long relationship, enjoy straight sex, and overall I’m confident in that side of myself. But at the same time, I’ve always had a feminine side. In high school I used they/them for a while, had waist length hair, was really into femboy content, and spent most of my time online ngl mostly gaming and porn.
A few years ago I completely changed my life tho, cut my hair, been lifting for 3 years now and, became much more outgoing, and have been living as a pretty typical straight guy ever since. I’ve always loved porn, but about a year ago, during a rough period where I was depressed, smoking weed way too much, and staying inside all day, I discovered BNWO/interracial content and got completely hooked. Around the same time I finally bought cages, panties, toys, and started exploring my sissy side. A lot of people told me it was probably just because I was in a bad place mentally.
The thing is, I’m doing genuinely great now. School’s over, I’ve been sober for a while, I’m traveling all summer, and mentally I’m in a much healthier place. But despite that, these feelings haven’t gone away, they’re actually just as strong. I still enjoy being the confident straight version of myself, but I also constantly fantasize about being shaved, caged, dressed up, and embracing my sissy side. It’s not something that disappeared once my mental health improved.
I feel pulled in both directions and don’t really know what to make of it. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you figure out what these feelings meant or how to balance both sides of yourself?

For context I’m currently 170lbs, 6ft, half European half middle eastern born in US, go gym 5 times a week and have been for 3 years not to get buff but I’m a competitive climber so, im very strong and muscular but extremely lean and look very skinny to the point most ppl think im like 140lbs, all this doesn’t matter too much but it matters in the sense that im doing fine as a straight guy and I have a 7 inch dick that is pretty girthy. I’ve never had problem with girls and had a very good relationship that I got out of a year ago and have been with many girls since, and I’m very good at sex and do enjoy it, like I know myself well enough I can last hours and I’ve made multiple girls cum multiple times in the same night, the issue I’m having is that although I enjoy being confident and this like perfect straight version of myself, but I’ve always been having identity issues. I went by they/them even her a bit till mid sophomore year in HS, and I used to have long hair till my waist and was like 120lbs, I never went outside and would play games and watch porn, and was already enjoying femboy porn at this stage, but I was still in love with regular porn too as I had for years and I never dabbled into interracial (my porn addiction started early and lve been saving all my porn since and have a collection of over 20k, I can prove what I liked lol). Junior year of HS tho I completely became a diff person almost, I cut my hair, changed my perspective on life, started working out, became way more confident w girls and lost my virginity and have been on that track since. The problem is I still LOVE PORN like idk how to explain it but I just love looking at porn girls on insta, tiktok, Reddit, you name it, like I LOVE HOT WOMEN ESPECIALLY NN, and porns never ever caused me issues, but one year ago, second year of uni I had some bad stuff happen to me and I fell into a hole where I was smoking a lot and spending all my time inside,here my porn addiction ramped up pretty fast and somehow I finally fell into interracial, and I was immediately hooked, it was everything I love about porn but better and with an incredible community and it literally took less than a month for me to be completely drawn, and I had already for like a year now been wanting to commit and finally get a cage, but I never did because I was scared I’d damage my big dick, but as you can see on my profile in that year I bought 4 cages, hella dildos, so many panties and other wonderful sissy things! And the thing is even tho I was depressed and using drugs to escape reality and all I still really loved this side of me and many on here told me that I was only in a bad spot and it’d all pass and stuff and that I’m just confused or smthn. But the thing is school ended for me like 2 months ago and I’m doing SO SO SOOOO MUCH better mentally than back then, but it’s summer rn and I’m traveling all around and I’ve been like the normal straight version of myself for the past three months and I like it and I’m fine with it, but for the past 3 weeks now I’ve been jerking off every morning and night in the bathroom of whoever I’ve been staying with to BBC because I actually love it, like even tho I’ve been using my dick and having fun, I really want to be caged up, all shaved soft and smooth, and in panties rn, and plapping to BBC porn. like I want to have so much sissy fun my dick is fully erect and leaking rn. The thing is I’m traveling from place to place and country to country, but I’m gonna be in London all July w my family, and I already have hinge and tinder and have literal girls set up with dates that I’m staying over w them already when I get there, but I can’t explain HOW MUCH I want to make a post on the London sissy subreddit or download Grindr again to maybe stay w another sissy and just be with them then too. Overall ig I’m making this post because I’m doing better mentally than I was before, and despite my LOVE for weed I’ll admit I was smoking WAY too much at one point, but I’ve been sober for a bit now as well and I’m having these doubts that I wanna hear what you guys think about my situation or if you have any ideas of how I should proceed

For context I’m currently 170lbs, 6ft, half European half middle eastern born in US, go gym 5 times a week and have been for 3 years not to get buff but I’m a competitive climber so, im very strong and muscular but extremely lean and look very skinny to the point most ppl think im like 140lbs, all this doesn’t matter too much but it matters in the sense that im doing fine as a straight guy and I have a 7 inch dick that is pretty girthy. I’ve never had problem with girls and had a very good relationship that I got out of a year ago and have been with many girls since, and I’m very good at sex and do enjoy it, like I know myself well enough I can last hours and I’ve made multiple girls cum multiple times in the same night, the issue I’m having is that although I enjoy being confident and this like perfect straight version of myself, but I’ve always been having identity issues. I went by they/them even her a bit till mid sophomore year in HS, and I used to have long hair till my waist and was like 120lbs, I never went outside and would play games and watch porn, and was already enjoying femboy porn at this stage, but I was still in love with regular porn too as I had for years and I never dabbled into interracial (my porn addiction started early and lve been saving all my porn since and have a collection of over 20k, I can prove what I liked lol). Junior year of HS tho I completely became a diff person almost, I cut my hair, changed my perspective on life, started working out, became way more confident w girls and lost my virginity and have been on that track since. The problem is I still LOVE PORN like idk how to explain it but I just love looking at porn girls on insta, tiktok, Reddit, you name it, like I LOVE HOT WOMEN ESPECIALLY NN, and porns never ever caused me issues, but one year ago, second year of uni I had some bad stuff happen to me and I fell into a hole where I was smoking a lot and spending all my time inside,here my porn addiction ramped up pretty fast and somehow I finally fell into interracial, and I was immediately hooked, it was everything I love about porn but better and with an incredible community and it literally took less than a month for me to be completely drawn, and I had already for like a year now been wanting to commit and finally get a cage, but I never did because I was scared I’d damage my big dick, but as you can see on my profile in that year I bought 4 cages, hella dildos, so many panties and other wonderful sissy things! And the thing is even tho I was depressed and using drugs to escape reality and all I still really loved this side of me and many on here told me that I was only in a bad spot and it’d all pass and stuff and that I’m just confused or smthn. But the thing is school ended for me like 2 months ago and I’m doing SO SO SOOOO MUCH better mentally than back then, but it’s summer rn and I’m traveling all around and I’ve been like the normal straight version of myself for the past three months and I like it and I’m fine with it, but for the past 3 weeks now I’ve been jerking off every morning and night in the bathroom of whoever I’ve been staying with to BBC because I actually love it, like even tho I’ve been using my dick and having fun, I really want to be caged up, all shaved soft and smooth, and in panties rn, and plapping to BBC porn. like I want to have so much sissy fun my dick is fully erect and leaking rn. The thing is I’m traveling from place to place and country to country, but I’m gonna be in London all July w my family, and I already have hinge and tinder and have literal girls set up with dates that I’m staying over w them already when I get there, but I can’t explain HOW MUCH I want to make a post on the London sissy subreddit or download Grindr again to maybe stay w another sissy and just be with them then too. Overall ig I’m making this post because I’m doing better mentally than I was before, and despite my LOVE for weed I’ll admit I was smoking WAY too much at one point, but I’ve been sober for a bit now as well and I’m having these doubts that I wanna hear what you guys think about my situation or if you have any ideas of how I should proceed.

I’ve made many posts on here before but I’m in a far more stable state now and this has been weighing on my mind. For context I’m currently 170lbs, 6ft, half European half middle eastern born in US, go gym 5 times a week and have been for 3 years not to get buff but I’m a competitive climber so, im very strong and muscular but extremely lean and look very skinny to the point most ppl think im like 140lbs, all this doesn’t matter too much but it matters in the sense that im doing fine as a straight guy and I have a 7 inch dick that is pretty girthy. I’ve never had problem with girls and had a very good relationship that I got out of a year ago and have been with many girls since, and I’m very good at sex and do enjoy it, like I know myself well enough I can last hours and I’ve made multiple girls cum multiple times in the same night, the issue I’m having is that although I enjoy being confident and this like perfect straight version of myself, but I’ve always been having identity issues. I went by they/them even her a bit till mid sophomore year in HS, and I used to have long hair till my waist and was like 120lbs, I never went outside and would play games and watch porn, and was already enjoying femboy porn at this stage, but I was still in love with regular porn too as I had for years and I never dabbled into interracial (my porn addiction started early and lve been saving all my porn since and have a collection of over 20k, I can prove what I liked lol). Junior year of HS tho I completely became a diff person almost, I cut my hair, changed my perspective on life, started working out, became way more confident w girls and lost my virginity and have been on that track since. The problem is I still LOVE PORN like idk how to explain it but I just love looking at porn girls on insta, tiktok, Reddit, you name it, like I LOVE HOT WOMEN ESPECIALLY NN, and porns never ever caused me issues, but one year ago, second year of uni I had some bad stuff happen to me and I fell into a hole where I was smoking a lot and spending all my time inside,here my porn addiction ramped up pretty fast and somehow I finally fell into interracial, and I was immediately hooked, it was everything I love about porn but better and with an incredible community and it literally took less than a month for me to be completely drawn, and I had already for like a year now been wanting to commit and finally get a cage, but I never did because I was scared I’d damage my big dick, but as you can see on my profile in that year I bought 4 cages, hella dildos, so many panties and other wonderful sissy things! And the thing is even tho I was depressed and using drugs to escape reality and all I still really loved this side of me and many on here told me that I was only in a bad spot and it’d all pass and stuff and that I’m just confused or smthn. But the thing is school ended for me like 2 months ago and I’m doing SO SO SOOOO MUCH better mentally than back then, but it’s summer rn and I’m traveling all around and I’ve been like the normal straight version of myself for the past three months and I like it and I’m fine with it, but for the past 3 weeks now I’ve been jerking off every morning and night in the bathroom of whoever I’ve been staying with to my Reddit fyp because I actually love it, like even tho I’ve been using my dick and having fun, I really want to be caged up, all shaved soft and smooth, and in panties rn, and plapping to BBC porn. like I want to have so much sissy fun my dick is fully erect and leaking rn. The thing is I’m traveling from place to place and country to country, but I’m gonna be in London all July w my family, and I already have hinge and tinder and have literal girls set up with dates that I’m staying over w them already when I get there, but I can’t explain HOW MUCH I want to make a post on the London sissy subreddit or download Grindr again to maybe stay w another sissy and just be with them then too. Overall ig I’m making this post because I’m doing better mentally than I was before, and despite my LOVE for weed I’ll admit I was smoking WAY too much at one point, but I’ve been sober for a bit now as well and I’m having these doubts that I wanna hear what you guys think about my situation or if you have any ideas of how I should proceed.

Hey yall! So I’m in a unique whiteboi situation, like 4 years ago I used to be a skinny twink basically and I openly went by they them and always was in love with sissy porn basically since I was a freshman in HS and have basically always been addicted to porn which has never been an issue for me socially (I had friends and a life and all!). But till the end of my junior year I never really committed too much besides constant gooning and fantasizing and wearing panties lol, but like at the end of junior a couple years ago now i made some gym going friends and started going as well and the thing is with growing and all I since have become a pretty buff lean athletic build weighing 180 at 6ft with consistent 13%ish body fat. On top of that I have a 7 inch and pretty girthy dick that thanks to consistent pelvic work I know how to use pretty well and consider myself pretty confident with women which is the problem, when I’m outside of my house I fit my frame and am a confident stud and I lowkey love doing that too yk? Like I do really enjoy having sex with girls and knowing i can please them and all. But for the last 6 months I’ve been more inside and the thing is I’m still continuing my gym routines and health routines now again but I’ve been cycling in and out of my new found love for BNWO. As I explained I’ve always been somewhat of a sissy with no kidding me thinking I was trans all the way in mid school lol, but I had never been into BBC, but then like 7 momths back after my ex and I broke up the thought of her getting with other guys after me cuz id been her first led me slowly to start getting into BBC for some reason, but as I first started watching out of literal fear and like knowing that she will def try BBC in the future was something I absolutely hated, but the fact that there is so much in common with my long standing kinks like sissificaction, prejacs, limp losers, betas in general it wasn’t too long before I ended up falling in love with it and it really pushed me to do so many things I had only fantasizes of doing before, like I literally have a collection of 5 chastity cages each to help me downsize when I cage, 1 HUGE plapping BBC dildo that I LOVE gagging on after I plap and cum on, another smaller BBC dildo, a trainer dildo, a bunch of plugs, SOOO many panties, thigh highs, pjs, porn subscriptions, disc communities, sharing my own pics, shaving, etc. and I have to say I LOOOOOOVEEE IT, like I really really do, and I also love letting go and all. But the thing is that’s me at home, I’m still active socially, and gym and and literally growing bigger and more masculine, and I haven’t had sex in 2 months but I still actively get flirted on and like it’s easy for me to get girls and I enjoy it too, but the thing is I have like cycles and idk how to commit to one or if I should or what I should even do yk? Like there’s a girl asking me to fuck next week and I really do wanna fuck her and said sure, but the thing is because of that I haven’t been wearing my chastity cage but have been still constantly gooning to BBC and it’s like so difficult to commit cuz I want to just go limp again for BBC and I like legitimately LOVE LOVE LOVE the feeling of being caged, but I can’t fuck her with bare legs and a limp dick yk? But if you look at my profile you’ll see I love it!! So ig im like asking for advice or thoughts going forwards!