u/Mercy_Hellkitten

Heya! There are two sapphic/ladies only (F&TF inclusive) coming up - Eve Sapphic Party on Thursday (Dance club with an optional, separate play room at Pride of Footscray) and Lady Like (Wet on Wellington's ladies-only night)

Are there any Fs on here (either single or part of an open couple/poly/ENM relationship) who are going to be attending or thinking of attending? From what I can gather, Eve Sapphic is a bit of a younger crowd - has anyone been to either of them recently and can give a bit of advice on the demographics/types of people they've met there?

Last night was my first V&V event ever (despite being to so many others in the past, V&V was one I never got to attend) - honestly I can see why people rave so much about it - I wasn't like anything I'd pictured or imagined, and not to that kind of scale!

I met so many amazing, gorgeous people and had some absolutely mind-blowing play time 🤭 but only swapped details with a few people!

I was the emo/scene pink & black cyber-kitty with the fluffy leg warmers who spent most of the night fawning over all the beautiful baddies and the amazing outfits! If we interacted (or if you wanted to but didn't get the chance) feel free to reach out!

https://preview.redd.it/dfpfb65b6ajh1.png?width=1536&format=png&auto=webp&s=aa5f0006d10c305faacfbd8ee33cbebed85c8016

(Picture in post!) Not the usual post you'll see on here - I'm Lucie, a 41YO trans alt baddie catgirl that seems to get mistaken for being a mid-20's cis girl at first glance. You'll find me at some kind of SoP event at least once a week - swinger/kink/dance party etc.I'm predominantly interested in other women, though I do often join couples (no solo play with men, sorry), though when joining couples, I prefer not to be the focus of attention - instead preferring attention put on the F (but depending on how comfortable with the M, I may join in on putting attention on the M)Now if you've never been with a trans girl or seen one in this space, you might be wondering what a trans woman who's more interested in other women is doing in this space, and what I could possibly offer - good question, because its one I asked myself when I first started getting propositioned!I fulfil a role that's somewhere between (I feel weird using these terms as well, but there's no trans-lesbian equivalent of these 😂) a unicorn, bull/buck (cringing at using those words lol), and facilitator/educator. I'm a former SWer so one thing I often help couples with is dipping their toes into the scene, helping couples who aren't sure where to start or how to start having discussions about their boundaries/what they're seeking. I love helping new couples at venues and events feel relaxed and meet other people - if I'm not the thing you're looking for, or if my needs and boundaries don't align with yours then that's totally okay - I'll help introduce you to other people so you can find what you're looking for!Things people have said to me after meeting/playing to me is how relaxed and comfortable I'm able to make people feel, how I can help people get past those initial awkward nerves, initiate conversations and help people understand better what they are/aren't comfortable with in a no-pressure, understanding and empathetic way.They also tell me I'm very, VERY good with my hands 😉 and have taught M partner's a couple of new tricks to practice at home on their partners (I'm also a qualified massage therapist).My hair colour and style changes a lot, but you can spot my spots a mile away - if you're a couple of single F, please feel free to come say hi! (again, if single M, please respect that due to past bad experiences, I am rarely receptive to a single M approaching me)I am also potentially up for meeting outside of venues/events and have done so in the past (as I did for a very memorable house orgy in June 🤭)

Maybe you want to spice up your sex life by bringing in a third, or play out a fantasy for one night - or possibly you want something more regular? But you just can't seem to find a willing female for the position.

I've seen a few posts on here looking for thirds, and though I'm reluctant to use the title due to my very particular set of boundaries, I still have a lot of experience at being hunted/treated as one.

* Context on my experience: I'm a trans woman, former full-service sex worker who has even been paid by couples to be a trans-unicorn. Though my personal preference is women, I do engage with men as part of couples - and yes even as a trans woman, I get approached a LOT (often by couples who don't realize I'm trans 🤭) *

Also every person will be different, and I'm sure there are unicorns out there that will disagree with me - this is based on my own experience and the experience of many unicorns I know.

The first thing is to realize that potential unicorns - either bi or bi-curious women (or in my case, 'homoflexible') get a LOT of requests and attention - online and at events. They're often fetishized and are wary of being objectified - unicorns have their own needs, emotions and lives beyond their threesome with you.

Unicorns also have to consider their safety - they might consider a hotel room but most likely won't feel comfortable visiting you at your own residence unless you've got a decent rapport already. I have travelled to private events, but it was after a lot of interaction with both the M and F and talking to others that had been with them and vetted them.

Unicorns also hate being used as a bandaid for your own relationship issues. They're not a magic fix to your problems in the bedroom. There's nothing more violating than realizing that one part of the couple (usually the F) is not actually keen on what's going on but is doing it to keep their man happy. I've been brought into those situations and it was an absolutely horrible feeling.

Its already been mentioned before on here but if you share a photo of yourselves, show BOTH of yourselves, not just the F. It can feel like the unicorn-hunting version of catfishing.

Unicorns also have their own boundaries and preferences. My own boundary is that I don't play directly with men, I prefer to give my attention to the F along with the M - at least initially, it takes me a while before I'm comfortable with the M touching me directly. Make sure you check the unicorns boundaries, and if they don't fit with what you're after - respectfully move on - don't try to change your own needs just so they'll agree, or worse, try to push their boundaries later - it won't end well.

Also remember that the unicorn may find themselves more attracted to one of you and not both of you equally. Do you know how you'll react if this happens? Will you be okay with it and just enjoy being part of the moment? I have been with a F as we watched an MF couple. When I realized that my F play partner was more interested in the couple than myself, I wasn't upset - I immediately encouraged her to join the couple (we both did!). I've also had people get upset when I haven't interacted with them as much as they'd liked - I had an M once complain that I said that I had given men head previously but wouldn't give HIM head - that was an instant ick for me. And whenever his wife started playing with me, he got possessive and had to be involved even after stating that he was okay with us playing solo. Again, remember that the unicorn has her own desires, needs and boundaries because she's a HUMAN.

But what if you're wanting a third not just for fun, but for something more long term?

Well, everything above applies plus more. I have not been part of a throuple but have been in a polyam relationship with a shared partner and would stay at their place regularly. I always felt like a guest and like I had little say in anything. Unicorns are often wary of being a f*cktoy with all the expectations of being available whenever the couple need them, but having no autonomy or rights within the arrangement. If your sales pitch is basically that you want it to be casual but still want them to be tied to the both of you then you may need to reconsider.

If there are any other 'unicorns' on here that have their own advice to add, or disagree with something, please share! This isn't meant to discourage people or sound like unicorns hate being unicorns - it can be an absolutely wonderful feeling to be invited in by a couple - I know that I absolutely treasure it when I am invited by a respectful couple who understand what I am and what my boundaries are but are still keen to involve me. I also know many unicorns that live happily with couples in a dynamic that works for everyone.

Just please remember that behind those photos is often a lot of communication, trust-building, boundary setting and respect for each person involved. Treat your unicorn like the treasure it is and never take them for granted!

(Please note: I am a trans woman asking this for people to share their own genuine thoughts and experiences, whilst I expect people to stay respectful and to not use any kind of slurs and will call out blatant transphobia, I ask that people genuinely listen to each other and empathize and not throw around labels or accusations just because you don't agree with them)

As mentioned above, I'm a trans woman who regulars many swinging events. In particular, I'm a lesbian trans woman (or "transbian" if you prefer). I am pre-surgery as well.

My own experience has been very positive. I've been welcomed to almost every space I've enquired at, with the only exception being a private party, and that was more to do with the vibe/type of people attending rather than anything transphobic. I'm always up-front and honest about what I'm there for, and I acknowledge that I am considered very attractive and feminine, which allows me a level of privilege and acceptance.

I've found a lot of acceptance and have had no shortage of finding play partners to interact with, and virtually no-one who has interacted with me directly has questioned the legitimacy of my identity as a transsexual woman.

However, in the current political climate, I have had heard whispers and comments, and even seen posts made on other social media platforms where others have thought that it is inappropriate for a trans woman who is predominantly interested in other women to be allowed in a space where other "solo penis owners" (AKA "solo males") are either not allowed, or pay a premium and have heavily restricted caps on attendance numbers.

I'm curious on what other people's experiences have been when interacting with trans women in swinging spaces - have they been positive, negative? (Yes, even I've had some VERY negative experiences with trans women in this space, a genuinely negative experience is valid and NOT transphobic!)