u/MysteryBottle

Update to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/seed_irl/s/wTqzVZLzfv

Like I said in my last post, I sent my apology letter to Grass last night. My guardian suggested it’d be more meaningful if I wrote it out on stationary instead of messaging her, so I penned it out on some light blue floral paper she compiled. She sent it by decompiling it and sending it to Grass as a file for her to compile on her end (does that make it a teleporter?), and then I waited.

I was sooo nervous. I kept pacing around the room waiting for a response and worrying about what she’d say. The last thing I’d heard from her was a message telling me to stay away from Jesse and I was worried she’d just tell me to fuck off.

But she only took about ten minutes to send a reply back. I was scared to open the letter, but my guardian held my hand and read it with me, which helped a lot. Grass ended up being super understanding! She thanked me for the apology and said she was really glad I reached out to her and Jesse. She said Jesse would prefer hearing an apology in-person and invited me over for tea the next morning. It made me super anxious and I started spiraling out of fear Jesse just wanted to tell me they hated me, but my guardian gave me a little prick that calmed me down and some reassurances while I wrote my reply accepting the invitation.

We went over to their hab this morning. My guardian made me wear a yellow gingham dress with a small petticoat underneath, plus a yellow bow in my hair. I was just going to wear sweats and a hoodie, but she insisted I needed to “dress appropriately for the occasion” and I have to admit I didn’t hate it. Grass met us at the door and told me she was glad to see me. Jesse seemed nervous when we got inside, though. They waved, but didn’t say anything for a bit after we sat down, hugging Sweety Bun tightly to their chest and stroking her fur.

I tried to apologize to them, but they shook their head and sternly told me I should be apologizing to “her”, holding out Sweety Bun and placing her on the space on the couch between us. I kind of just sat there awkwardly for a minute trying to think of how to go about apologizing to this stuffy while they stared at me with their arms crossed. Eventually I hesitantly hunched down to her level and said, “Sweety Bun, I’m really, really sorry for burning you. I was mad about Jesse leaving and I’m sorry for taking it out on you. You deserve better than that.”

Jesse gently picked her up and pretended (I think) to listen to her, pulling her close to their ear. Then they smiled and said, “She forgives you and so do I,” before scootching over and wrapping their arms around me. It caught me off guard, honestly. I kind of expected them to stay mad at me, at least for awhile. That hug was more than I ever could’ve hoped for. I couldn’t help but tear up.

Things went well after that. Jesse and I kept gently cuddling on the couch while we talked. They said it was really nice “having [me] back” after all the friction between us these past few months. I knew the feeling.

I gave Sweety Bun her gift, some little plastic pastel macaroons I found and compiled, which Jesse was really happy about. 

I also reluctantly told them and Grass a little bit about my mental health progress as of the past couple days. I was worried hearing about how I basically felt zero guilt or remorse for anything I did up until I got medicated would make them upset (something I actually care about now), but Jesse just hugged me tighter and said they were really happy about it. Apparently they were scared they wouldn’t be able to stay friends with me while also having boundaries. That kind of hurt to hear, but I think I get it. Grass smiled and said she was glad too. She actually apologized for not seeing my “visible neurological concerns” sooner, if you can believe it.

We moved on to lighter topics after that, sharing old childhood memories and whatnot. We ended up crossing the two hour mark before we actually decided to have any tea. Jesse has a really nice white and pink china set now. I didn’t even know they liked tea.

Eventually, we decided it was time to head out. They had other plans and I was also getting a little emotionally exhausted (a lot of things I was feeling are new to me). We said our goodbyes and shared one last hug, and Jesse let me know I’m no longer blocked on their device, so we can stay in touch. I’m hopeful we’ll see each other again soon. I’m really glad we’re still friends.

In response to what some people have been saying about me getting “florted”… maybe. I’m not sure what’ll happen after my wardship is over other than that I’m definitely gonna stay on these meds. We’ll see. I don’t mind the cuddles at any rate…

Thanks for all the support and advice!

Update to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/seed_irl/s/TBQY5NOQKf

I’ve written an apology letter to Jesse for burning their bunny plushy (which their mistress fixed). I wasn’t planning on doing it for awhile, but my TEMPORARY guardian gave me these xenodrugs that are making me feel weirdly bad about hurting them. She said this is what “guilt” feels like and that my brain’s ability to feel it on its own is really weak. I always just figured I was too smart for it.

I keep thinking about the hurt in Jesse’s eyes and the tears on their cheeks and getting this horrible pain in my chest. So I guess I’m apologizing after all.

“Dear Jesse and Grass,

I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but I wanted to say I’m really sorry for burning Sweety Bun. I know she’s super important to you and I shouldn’t have tried to hurt you like that. That was awful.

I also want to say I’m sorry for not respecting your relationship with each other. You two clearly mean a lot to one another and I shouldn’t have tried to get in the way.

I’m glad you were able to fix Sweety Bun,

-[My name]”

Any feedback? My guardian said I could ask for advice here (though she thought calling their mistress “Grass” was kind of lame), and this is kind of my first ever apology letter, so I could use the help.

EDIT: Alrighty. I’m sending it to Grass tonight. I’m super nervous about it, but my guardian keeps reassuring me it’s the best thing to do. Wish me luck.

EDIT 2: They replied! https://www.reddit.com/r/seed_irl/s/4RpWe5e77b

Now I know how it sounds, but just hear me out. See, it all started about four months ago. My friend, Jesse (not their real name), and I have been pals since we were kids. We have a really great bond and one of my favorite things about our relationship is how honest we can be with each other. Like, I feel like I can really tell them when they’re wrong about something and they’re good about telling me when I’m not giving myself enough credit (sometimes).

So anyway, I thought Jesse and I were coping pretty well with the recent invasion and everything. I was making sure we were keeping our heads down, not saying anything that might offend any new xeno neighbors, covering up any signs of mental health issues, etc. You know how it is.

But then they just had to ruin it for themselves. They came home from that weird fake gardening job the plants set up that I told them to quit over a dozen times, and they were gushing about this one affini they were working with there. Let’s call her “Grass” for the sake of anonymity. Anyway, they kept going on and on about how “tender” she was and how she “always knew when they were having a bad day” and all that other shit. I tried to explain to them that it was just a trap meant to make them soft and easy to enslave, but they just didn’t get it.

One thing to another, and despite my careful guidance, Jesse started spending way more time with Grass. They’d go out to the flower gardens, go to her house, and heck, I even saw her wrapping them in her vines and carrying him around like an actual child! It wasn’t long before Jesse started sleeping over at her place more often than not. They said Grass actually told them something about me being a bad influence, so it’s pretty obvious she’s just trying to isolate them.

Anyway, fast forward to yesterday and, after not coming home for like a week, they showed up at the door wearing an actual collar. They said they were just here to get a few things before heading back to Grass’ place and that they didn’t really want to keep living here. They had this white bunny plushy in their arms the whole time and they were giving it little squeezes while they talked. 

I knew this was my last chance. If they didn’t ditch Grass’ influence now, they never would. Looking at their bunny, I realized something. The reason they were clinging to this plant was because the plant was shielding from pain. They had become soft and pliable, their reasoning atrophying from too much coddling. All I had to do was remind their brain what the real world is like and they’d go back to being the hard, unfeeling Jesse I knew and loved.

So yeah, I snatched the bunny out of their arms and tossed it onto the gas stove. They started screaming and crying and grabbed what was left, sticking it under the sink before running off. I figured they’d come back and apologize, but Grass sent me a message telling me to “stay away from them” and that she would come grab their stuff within a day or two. I tried to give them the tough love I knew they needed, sending them messages telling them they needed to get over it and come back to reality, but I got blocked. 

So yeah, I really feel l’m being treated unfairly here after all I did for them, but I realize sometimes there’s no helping people. Did I go too far?

EDIT: They‘re letting me update my post to say that I failed my wellness check. I made sure my hab was clean and all, but it didn’t matter. The ”vet” said that the scans they did as part of the health checkup revealed a “chemical imbalence impeding empathy and creating a sense of grandiosity” or something along those lines. So mean (those are the worst words they’d let me use). They’re deciding on who to assign to me for a wardship now.

So. Mean.

EDIT 2: Update post https://www.reddit.com/r/seed_irl/s/8V4YiH7gYk