Help I’m confused.
I really like the physical aspects of submission…I’m not sure I’m morally okay with the other parts of submission. For me personally, not yucking anyone else’s yum. I get that it would be negotiated but…It upsets me to think of someone seeing me at my most vulnerable and not thinking “I wanna rough fuck her exactly how she wants and spoil her until she cums.” And instead using my vulnerability to feel in relational control or above me. :(
Or making me beg because I’m physically vulnerable and they could technically withhold pleasure.
Begging can even be hot but the idea of someone springing it on me mid scene is not hot even if we negotiated beforehand. I’d have to initiate the begging, and then my partner would give me what I want right away, not make me beg even more. It’s just hot to hear how turned on I am. It would be kinda feeding into the spoiled brat thing. My partner could spank me or switch positions slightly. They could pull my hair and put their fingers in my mouth. However, I’d still want the scene to revolve around me directing my Daddy around. “Daddy, flip me over and fuck me from behind…Just like that.” He could tease me but in a way that makes me feel held. “Look at you, so pretty and so open…Do you want more?” And he’d look at me like I was the sweetest, bestest thing that ever happened to him. I want to feel that he’d stop at nothing to please me. I just want to feel supported, and guided by someone older than me. Spoiled and adored. Made the center of the dynamic. Also I want that guidance to come in the form of someone saying “I’m here, you tell me what you need and I’ll do it.” Not “Here’s my structure, let’s negotiate it so it works for us.” I want to be the one who says “Here is my structure, I hold the map, Daddy you help me read it when I’m overwhelmed.” Putting me in my place would mean fixing my tiara if it starts slipping. Not taking it off and making me kneel humbly. I like funishments but not punishments. Anything that crosses over into real control makes me feel kinda sad and uncomfortable.
Idk…I go back and forth on whether I’m even submissive. I usually like to Domme so I almost always have a specific vision for things. I just don’t want to feel like I have to be this perfectly independent and buttoned up person all the time. I want to be intensely vulnerable without having to let go of authorship of the moment or of the structure. Maybe Domme switch would fit better? Domme bottom? That’s the thing. I resent the idea that the only dominant way to receive pleasure as a woman is to ride…I wanna get rough fucked like the next girl but I want the rough fucking done to please ME. My Daddy should be pleased by being allowed into the service top position.
Anyways I hope this made sense I just kinda word vomited everything that sounds appealing to me.