r/submissive

A couple of months ago I posted in the bdsmpersonals and had quite a few responses. Started talking to a few people more seriously but I also easily blurred details of who was saying what. My current Dom, then just a candidate, stood out from the very beginning - conversation was in depth, I did all the standard vetting, asked so many, if not too many, questions and everything was amazing. However I assumed I had asked the most important probably question "Are you open to a romantic relationship and something serious long term?", but I haven't. Someone else gave me a satisfying answer and my memories mixed up, assuming it was him. I was happy and proceeded with asking him if he wants to try as I do like him. However down the line, re-reading our conversation, I realised I made a mistake and never asked him anything more than is he open to attachment.

Now this for me is an incredibly important question as I don't want just an attachment within a D/s frame - I want a fully integrated romantic TPE, probably even marriage. I don't really want a dynamic that stays as such only. Now it's two months into an ldr D/s dynamic and I am getting attached, even though we haven't even met yet. I don't want to hurt neither my own, neither his feelings and the situation seems complicated for me.

I am not sure how to approach the question from inside the dynamic. I understand he can actually leave if he is not open to integrating the dynamic into relationship and romance. Romantic relationship within D/s is not for everyone and I get that. But I did make the mistake to start the dynamic based on false memories and I am struggling now to figure out how to ask and I basically mostly scared because his answer could mean the end of everything. I am already developing emotional attachment and I really like him, so that would really really hurt. He is actually the Dom I have liked the most in my life and I am not young, so there is that too 🫤

My Dom has an avoidant attachment style and asking him directly will surely create pressure for him, which I would like to avoid. I am myself with an anxious attachment style and the balance in communication is already not easy so I was wondering if anyone has similar experience or just any advice for that matter would be highly appreciated!

Edit: the title is wrong - it's ldr, not purely online, but we haven't met yet.

I've been with my dom since December. He (33M) just told me (33F) that he won't kiss me anymore. He explained that he doesn't want me to get too attached and eager. My eagerness has been a point he's brought up a lot. I'm not sure why being an eager sub is an issue. I just want to do everything and anything he asks of me. Why can't I be eager? I'm curious if the lack of kissing is his method to avoid intimacy. If that's case why even be my dom? He says he's a pleasure dom but there's just no way. I don't think a pleasure dom would hear me ask for kisses and deprive me of them. I get the feeling I need to end the dynamic.

Am I overreacting?

Is the european-slave-academy.com safe? I came across the website and it looks kinda like a scam

Hi! I've (20f) been with my partner (21m) for two years. We engage in a sub/dom situation, but mostly sexually. Before dating him I never wanted to call a man daddy, but I often feel the urge during sex.

I get into a 'subspace' basically instantly during sex and become incoherent pretty quickly and I'm worried one day it's just going to spill out and he's not going to like it. I've thrown the word around jokingly to his face and over text but he always skirts around it.

Is the easiest solution to just discuss our boundaries and see how he would feel about trying it out? I don't want to ruin our dynamic by making him uncomfortable. I am also really new to the online sub community, so any advice is helpful and appreciated

Thank you :)

i need to rant. (this is a new account) but i'm struggling so hard here to make friends, esp as a female submissive!!! i feel like a good majority of the people messaging are just randos who think i'm going to instantly submit to them instead of even attempting to get to know me. so this is me on my hands and knees begging y'all.. how do y'all make friends with the same interests!!! i want more sub/dom friends as i know we both share the same mindset and i need more people to talk to kinky shit about.

while i don't mind flirting with people.. it just gets to a point like.. cant a sub get some friends round here??? anyway rant over.

I am sweet and can be a very soft as a person but because I grew up with a lot of trauma ( plus SA) I became a very strong personality causing me to be the most ruthless bitch ever when someone triggers me enough.

Ive really been enjoying talking to different people and learning how dynamics and kinks work.

At first I wanted to do this for extra cash but now I feel like I've discovered a whole new aspect of myself that I want to explore.

I just wanted to say that open and healthy communication is a must in this line of work and lifestyle. 🥰🥰🥰

I'm in a long distance relationship, but he's not dominant in the relationship at all. It's leaving me with a deep ache and feeling frustrated. I think I need to be dominated. I feel like that is what is missing for me. I'm 41, my sex drive is through the roof, I can't seem to imagine saying no to anything. Idk I'm confused

Im gonna get pegged for the first time in my life, as a fact first time ever something going up my ass. How is it gonna feel? Can i prepare for it? Is it gonna be hard to take? What else can yall tell me about pegging that could be important for first time?

This is a alt account cause I don’t want my dom to possibly see it😓 but I need some advice on whether my dom is possibly taking advantage of the fact that this is my first ever dynamic and I don’t really know what to expect.
So first, my dom (m37) and I (f24) have only been in our dynamic for almost a month, we are long distance and haven’t met in person yet so there’s a lot we still haven’t done, but we have talked about a lot and he has set a lot of rules for me. But some of the rules feel like they’re a red flag to me and I don’t know if I’m just inexperienced and in over my head and this is how it’s supposed to be or if I’m being taken advantage of…
I was scrolling through Reddit on my main and saw some other subs talking about doms expecting full submission right away without building trust first is a red flag and that’s exactly the situation happening with between me and my dom… He requires full submission and trust despite having not really done anything to gain or earn it in the first place.
He also made a rule that I’m not allowed to say “no” and when I asked about safe words he told me no to that at first too and said that subs using safe words is a disappointment and an embarrassment and that I should never use one… This made me kinda sad and a little bit nervous because he is into some heavy stuff that I have never done before and I don’t want to get hurt or something, so he reluctantly said I could have one, but it would be bad if I ever used it😕
He kinda makes me feel bad about myself too and not in a fun way😅… Like I’m 5’1, weigh about 105lbs, and my BMI is 19.8, which is very close to being underweight, but he has started making me feel like I’m fat and is telling me I need to start a workout routine and eating regiment despite the fact that he knows I have struggled with an eating disorder most of my life…
He also knows everything about me, where i live, my family and background, my full legal name, and has “verified me” with countless nude and clothed pictures with my face included and not censored while holding a paper with his name on it, and I’ve sent him voice notes and daily outfit pics (one of my rules). He wants a photo of my ID and passport, which he is making me get because he wants me to move to his country with him someday soon (and rehome my pets because he doesnt want them💔 and I really don’t want to do that!)
But i dont know almost any of those things about him except the bare minimum and i cant ask to know much more because he says i need to earn his trust more or that its not important. Ive seen three pictures of him, one of him at the gym with his face blurred, and two more without a blur but i cant really tell if the bodies match🫤 and none of them have included any actual verification like a paper with my name or in a pose or place that I specified like he has for me. I’ve never heard his voice and I don’t even know his last name!

Am I being stupid and putting myself in a bad situation or is this how it’s supposed to be??

Daddy Dom/submissive

My 1st post (very lengthy) & my 1st time being a submissive. I am a submissive to my ex husband who calls me princess. He has since remarried & she is fine with our relationship. I have my own apartment in another state currently but I have been working on moving in with them. I do have my own room. Our D/s relationship just started. Daddy is working on getting me my collar that I will never take off. While I was at my own apartment Daddy had me do certain tasks, all of which I completed happily. Daddy was very attentive & very loving to me the whole time I was gone. Made me feel very loved & appreciated. I couldn't wait to see him in person. When I finally showed up last Friday he showered me with attention & affection & let me sit on his lap, kissing me & holding me telling me how proud he was of me & how much he missed me. He wanted me to change clothes so he followed me to my bedroom & picked out something from my suitcase, set the outfit aside & led me naked to his room where he does have a ring camera. Daddy immediately started playing, directing me to do what he wanted me to do. I obeyed with no problem. The session did not last very long at all (which was absolutely ok). During our play session his wife came home & after he helped me up from the bed(he had to support my neck getting off my back since my head was hanging off the bed) then he immediately went to her & greeted her & asked how her day was. I received no aftercare. (Everything I have read has mentioned how important aftercare is) She was in the hallway looking our direction (he was between us in the hallway) while I walked out of their bedroom ( behind him) completely naked, I felt like a whore. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the little attention that I received from him, that's all I have gotten for the entire week. I get a quick peck & hug in the morning, a quick peck & hug after work, & a quick peck & hug before bed. I'm feeling unloved & emotionally abandoned. Yesterday I did ask him if he would "please give me one of the kisses that I like." He said "yes princess" which was awesome even though he had an accident at work I still got my kiss which I appreciated. I have also noticed that if I upset him or disappoint him he withholds love & affection from me. An example is... I raised my voice to him the other night because he told me to stop complaining under my breath & tell his wife why I was upset. I complied but right after I said to him Daddy with all do respect I do not appreciate you trying to weaponize me. By the time I said it I was pissed & it came out harsh. Right after it happened I messaged him an apology which read...Daddy I know what I said & did last night was wrong & I deeply apologize for disappointing you. I deserve to be punished for my behavior & my actions that was NOT how a sub should act towards her Dom. I'm still trying to remember my roll please forgive me. I will gladly accept any punishment. I love you Daddy. His response (just a portion of it)...When you act like that I will just shut down & not do my part. (Which is to withhold love & affection from me) I forgot to mention that he used to give me good morning princess texts & tell me he loves me & good night princess texts & again telling me he loves me. I love those messages & look forward to them but when he wants to punish me for something he won't send them. Not only that but he becomes even more affectionate to his wife & usually right in front of me. I'd much rather get a spanking from him than him to withhold love & affection from me & I can't stand getting spanked. I could use all the advice I can get please. I really want to please him. I'm so sorry if this post was way to long, I just wanted to make sure you had all the details. Thank you in advance, Daddy's little princess.

Hello everyone, I hope you lot are fantastic. I’ve been scrolling through this subreddit for a while now and I love the community that everyone has helped build and how nice and supportive most people are, so that has given me some kind of confidence to come on and ask just for advice on new dynamics and some resources (I’ve seen different things online and they are mostly contradictory to each other. I’m aware that this kind of thing is mostly subjective as well but I’m willing to take advice from people who are experienced).
For context, about a year ago I got into a relationship with a guy who claimed to be a dom—I won’t get into the nitty gritty, but he was a shitty person and terrible at communicating, which made our relationship hell because I was just being introduced to everything he told me. I looked it up online a few times and decided that submitting was something I could try and he said he could teach me everything I needed to know,but I realised what he was doing wasn’t as safe as others would describe so I ended our relationship. But after that I realised, this is something I would like to try again in the future, possibly, and I want to be kind of prepared and knowing before I get into anything.
So, I’ll just leave two questions:

1. Are there any plausible books, websites, courses, articles that you lot would recommend for me to get a very close to accurate representation of submission?
2. What are some tips & advice that you would give based on past dynamics? (If this isn’t too personal)

Thank you so much for taking your time to read and/or help!

I need somebody to put me in my place plus I love attention sooo much please

Hi!! Just curious but how do I learn more about being submissive? I know this kink is for me, and I want to learn more and be a better sub :)

Hello everyone, Can anyone recommend a good book on punishment and humiliation for subs? Many thanks!

My boyfriend (22M) and I have recently entered long distance for an year or two. We have had short breaks in between our 2 years of being together where I primarily given him the command to not masturbate without asking permission. He is keen to serve his mistress more but I have not been able to think of any ideas to satiate him.

He mentions that his bratty acting is just for my increased punishment until he is fully tamed. So until I get to meet him, I wanted to try out different methods to tame him/strengthen the dynamic.

Would love some recommendations involving nipple play, anal toys, and willing to try new experiences.

One thing I've realized recently is that I don't really have any submissive friends to talk to about this part of my life.

Most of the attention I get when I participate in BDSM spaces comes from men who are interested in becoming my Dom, and while I understand that's common, it can make it hard to find genuine connections with other submissives.

Sometimes I just want to talk with people who understand the mindset, share experiences, compare perspectives, or vent about the unique challenges of being submissive without it turning into flirting or someone trying to start a dynamic.

Does anyone else feel this way? Have you found meaningful friendships within the community, or is this something you've struggled with too?

I'd love to hear how other people have built a support system within BDSM, especially if those connections have stayed purely platonic

Hi everyone

I'm new to this sub, and I just very recently found out my girlfriend has submissive desires.

I'm a man of 45 and she's 42.

We've been together a year and a half, long distance, we're in different countries, so we have a lot of sexting.

We haven't been together physically that many times so a lot of our intimacy is via text. And via text you can do almost anything.

Anyway, about 6 months ago we were talking about our sexlife and she said she wanted me to take charge more, be more assertive.

So next time we met I was, but it still felt a bit foreign to me to be that way.

I was afraid to overstep my boundaries.

Then this week we had another talk and she again said she wanted me to be more assertive. Take charge. And she said be dominant.

So I had to ask what she meant, because there are MANY types. She said I could take her anytime I wanted to without asking.

Then again tonight we were sexting and I pushed it a bit further. Adding spanking and choking to the mix and she LOVED it.

We've agreed to try it next time we meet and take it slowly, just to see where her pain threshold is.

I'm really really scared I will go too far.

Anyway we also talked about public stuff and again I pressed the envelope a bit and said, next time we meet she's only to wear dresses and skirts for easy access and nothing on at home.

She said ok with a heart.

Then she said she wished I could pick out the clothes she would wear, and I said we can have a FaceTime and she can pose for me and I can decide.

So to sum up:

she's given me permission to take her anytime I want.

She's given me permission to spank and choke her.

She's given me permission to choose her clothing or lack there of including underwear or not.

So there we are.

I think I'm am accidental dom and I really really like it.

I would like to hear from other subs how I best go ahead with this.

She hasn't introduced the terms dom/sub, but that is the territory we are venturing into.

Should I bring up those terms and hear if she wants us to use those specific titles? Or should I just enjoy it as it is?

I know precisely what turns me on, based on stories I read and videos I watch, but playing out these scenes in-person has a different vibe. Maybe it's just my anxiety, but I find it extremely hard to let myself relax for a bit, and it's hard to fall into a scene. I'm always checking and overthinking everything I do. I want to feel good, and I want Her to feel good. How can I change this?

I am very interested in the dom/sub relationship dynamic and am wondering from anyone if you guys have safety tips (sending photos, sharing information, red flags) that I should be on the look out for since i’m new to this area of
interest!

I appreciate any and all tips and suggestions

29F Looking for a Respectful Submissive Man

I'm looking for a genuinely submissive man who enjoys a female-led dynamic. I want someone who loves giving attention, admiration, and affection, and who finds fulfillment in making their partner feel appreciated and adored.

I'm looking for someone who wants to worship, respect, and submit within a relationship built on trust, communication, and mutual consent. Confidence, honesty, consistency, and emotional maturity are very attractive to me.

If this sounds like you, send me a message telling me a little about yourself, your experience with female-led relationships, your age, and your location. I'm interested in getting to know someone first and seeing if we genuinely connect.