r/submissive

I really like the physical aspects of submission…I’m not sure I’m morally okay with the other parts of submission. For me personally, not yucking anyone else’s yum. I get that it would be negotiated but…It upsets me to think of someone seeing me at my most vulnerable and not thinking “I wanna rough fuck her exactly how she wants and spoil her until she cums.” And instead using my vulnerability to feel in relational control or above me. :(
Or making me beg because I’m physically vulnerable and they could technically withhold pleasure.

Begging can even be hot but the idea of someone springing it on me mid scene is not hot even if we negotiated beforehand. I’d have to initiate the begging, and then my partner would give me what I want right away, not make me beg even more. It’s just hot to hear how turned on I am. It would be kinda feeding into the spoiled brat thing. My partner could spank me or switch positions slightly. They could pull my hair and put their fingers in my mouth. However, I’d still want the scene to revolve around me directing my Daddy around. “Daddy, flip me over and fuck me from behind…Just like that.” He could tease me but in a way that makes me feel held. “Look at you, so pretty and so open…Do you want more?” And he’d look at me like I was the sweetest, bestest thing that ever happened to him. I want to feel that he’d stop at nothing to please me. I just want to feel supported, and guided by someone older than me. Spoiled and adored. Made the center of the dynamic. Also I want that guidance to come in the form of someone saying “I’m here, you tell me what you need and I’ll do it.” Not “Here’s my structure, let’s negotiate it so it works for us.” I want to be the one who says “Here is my structure, I hold the map, Daddy you help me read it when I’m overwhelmed.” Putting me in my place would mean fixing my tiara if it starts slipping. Not taking it off and making me kneel humbly. I like funishments but not punishments. Anything that crosses over into real control makes me feel kinda sad and uncomfortable.

Idk…I go back and forth on whether I’m even submissive. I usually like to Domme so I almost always have a specific vision for things. I just don’t want to feel like I have to be this perfectly independent and buttoned up person all the time. I want to be intensely vulnerable without having to let go of authorship of the moment or of the structure. Maybe Domme switch would fit better? Domme bottom? That’s the thing. I resent the idea that the only dominant way to receive pleasure as a woman is to ride…I wanna get rough fucked like the next girl but I want the rough fucking done to please ME. My Daddy should be pleased by being allowed into the service top position.

Anyways I hope this made sense I just kinda word vomited everything that sounds appealing to me.

so after an intense session with my pleasure domme partner, i can sometimes drop. but usually it’s the next day. and it almost always fuels masochism/slave/free use feelings in me. like i feel like i should be used for her pleasure without getting to experience pleasure of my own, or be teased and tortured etc.

for example, today is supposed to be a rest day because we have a long weekend ahead… and ive been fantasizing all day about being made to ride my biggest dildo that stretches me out intensely while she watches me and gets off. no climax for me. just a tired mess at the end, doing her service duty.

anyone else ever feel like this?

I’m trying to understand myself better and would really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who actually have experience with this.

Also I did a BDSM test recently and my results were kind of… weird 😅 100% submissive, 100% brat, medium rope bunny and degradee, and basically 0% dominant. So that’s also why I’m asking here.

I’m not posting this to find someone here. I’m from a small country so it’s not really realistic.

In real life I’m very independent and I don’t want a controlling relationship at all. But sexually it’s very different…
I like the idea of not being in control in the moment, being told what to do, guided, teased, made to wait, that kind of stuff. I think I’m drawn to power dynamics where the other person leads, but in a way that still feels safe. I also like things like restraint (in a safe way of course) and just that feeling of being “handled”

I also noticed I tend to push back a little or test… not because I want to win, but more like I need to see if the other person can handle it without losing. And I need someone who is warm, calm and present after, otherwise I know I’ll start feeling bad about myself.

For context, I was married for a long time and my ex never really understood this side of me. I also didn’t fully express it, so I think I kind of ignored it for years.Now I’m trying to understand it better..

Does this sound like submissive or something else?
And what kind of partner would actually fit this?

I’m still figuring this out about myself, so I’d really appreciate advice from people who have more experience with this.

I have a question for the submissives. Does it do anything for you if your dom is fully clothed when you’re not? Especially if they’re in formal clothing?

As a dominant, I love that contrast. I love going to see my submissive after work, and making her kneel in lingerie, all vulnerable while I stand over her, still dressed professionally complete with a necktie. Theres just something so charged about it. I just feel that much more dominant. Its like my dom uniform lol.

Does that difference in clothing make submissives feel anything? Or is it not really something you notice that much?

Hello everyone. I F23 have been practicing abstinence for almost a year. The other week I had a session with a guy whom I met pretty recently. He made me feel incredibly safe and genuinely cared for during our time together.
During our session I felt like I gave up full power to him completely. I did not have a single worry in the world. My mind went totally quiet and I am pretty sure that I experienced true subspace for the very first time. It was incredibly intense but it was entirely in a good way. I have never experienced a partner like that before.
He was absolutely amazing. He also provided wonderful aftercare for me. However ever since it ended I have been feeling deeply sad guilty and emotionally disconnected.
The most confusing part of this situation is that I actually feel this way after having sex every single time. Experiencing true subspace after a year of abstinence has simply made this current crash feel much heavier than usual. I am really struggling to understand my brain's reaction. I do not know why I experience such heavy sadness and guilt after a safe positive encounter where the aftercare was perfect.
Has anyone else dealt with chronic post sex blues or severe drop like this? I would really appreciate any insights on how you navigate these feelings.

Probably a weird question. But I love being told what to do, and praised after. I just like to demonstrate obedience and be fucking loved for it lol. It’s hard to have that kink stroked without a partner. Are there any regular seeming, mundane, day to day things I could do that would make me feel the same way?

I need therapy 😂

Hi guys. Super super new to this kind of thing. I've (F34) had sex with one man in my entire life. Calling it vanilla would make it sound spicier than it was.

I've always been drawn to being submissive. I crave a man to take control, tell me what to do or overpower me. I don't enjoy the idea of being belittled, humiliated or degraded. And I'm not super into the idea of pain. I want to be worshiped and looked after. Is this something I could find in the Dom/sub community?

I'm cringing at how naive I sound here! I feel like I've had a sheltered sex life and I finally want to start having the kind of sex I enjoy but I have no idea where to start! Or if this is even the place for me

Hiiiii.

My dom and I have been in a relationship for years now and I am comfortable with the dynamic albeit always shy when we start.

My issue that I want advice on is my temper. How do other subs deal with their anger in submission? I find that during arguments/disagreements:

I will "back talk" - I disklike this wording, raise my voice, leave the room when too angry/overstimulated, sometimes slam doors...I recently threw a towel on the floor.

I know that subs are allowed to have emotions lol but I want to be able to reign it in a little bit to help my dom and I's communication when we do not agree or I get too annoying/frustrating/too much - talking too fast/clumsy/bumping, getting lost with verbal directions/ not following directions because I misheard them or didn't clarify etc.

I do have adhd but I am on meds, do cardio daily, drink lots of water and eat pretty well (my sleep could be better -I get around 6-7 hours a day and I have a sweet tooth - probably eating a donut/cookie a few times a week)

So, long story short, Dom asked me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with (over the phone). But he pushed the issue.. I gave in eventually after he kept pushing. I was put into a position to be potentially caught (and did!) due to lack of privacy at the time. When I abruptly ended the call due to that. They sent a message regarding their disappointment in me and that I would be punished. It made me feel sad, and angry, and gross.

What do you make of this?

UPDATE: He is no longer my Dom

Seriously struggling…..
I married my first Dominant and then he is not a dom anymore (he’s very sometimesy). Long story short divorce isn’t an option.

I feel lost and stuck. Just wondering if there’s any other subs that have felt what I feel and how to get through it.
How to be a submissive without a dominant? Do I just shut down this side of me? If I push for it it’s just unmet needs. Desire to be a good girl but no one to be good to. Desire to serve but no recognition or acknowledgement for the service. Wanting to brat and play but no one to meet my mental and physical needs to put me in my place or to remind me why I should submit. Idk what I’m asking. Maybe how to shut it down so I don’t feel the disappointment of not having a dominant? How to get the itch scratched while still being good? Why the hell do I want to be good? There’s nothing to be good for 😪

I can’t utilize what I feel is my only solution so I guess this is just a vent I suppose. Carry on with your day fellow subs don’t mind the sad girl in the corner 😂 😞

Sorry if this doesn’t belong in this subreddit!!
I’m a submissive currently without a Dominant, and I’ve been struggling a lot with motivation, structure, and self-care. I also deal with depression, and without external accountability/consequences, it’s really hard to stay consistent with things I know I need to do for my health (working out, preparing and eating healthy food, completing chores, following through with routines and self care).

The frustrating part is that I do want to hold myself accountable. I want to improve and I care about these things, but the second I think about actually doing the task, it’s like something in my brain just turns off. The want is still there, but it feels like a mental block stopping me from following through. I just feel stuck in this cycle of wanting to do better but struggling to make myself actually do it.

For other submissives who’ve experienced this, how do you stay disciplined or create structure for yourself when you don’t have a dynamic or someone holding you accountable and can’t build up the motivation to do so yourself? Any advice, coping strategies, or things that helped you would really mean a lot! If anyone else is currently going through this- I’d also be totally willing to be accountability buddies!

Hello, today I became a sub for the very first time. (Female, 30). It’s really exciting but I want to be a very good sub to my Dom. Do any experienced subs have advice for me? Right now our relationship is online because we live several states apart. Anything helps, thanks! 😊

I’ve been talking to a dom for a few months now but for some reason the relationship is just so boring. I think we never laid proper grounds and I jumped to the exciting parts and when I couldn’t get those, I got bored.

I’m seeking advice as to what to do.

Whenever we plan a call I get excited but on call I’m so dry and bored.
He seems so different from when he texts me but I’m wondering if it’s also because I’m dry. It seems like I don’t want him to have authority over me anymore. I never want to listen and always want to be bratty. I would consider myself bratty but idk if he’s handling it the right way.

I’ve told him already that it feels like we don’t know each other at all and jumped straight into the nsfw part but even when he tries, my feelings are just the same.

He’s given me plenty ways out and whenever I think about taking asking for a break from him I feel horrible because I’ve already done that and it just feels like a cycle now.

Arg I’m all over the place.

Edit: I just want to mention that I want to be with him and get to know him genuinely. I just don’t know how.

It's a little fantasy... I want to tell my Dom I love him, but I want him to tell me to say it.

How would I even tell him that it's something I desire without... Saying it?

Those that wear collars, which day collars do you recommend? I prefer it to be subtle. :)

Has any experienced a dom stealing from you?

I broke it off with him after seeing him out with another woman (after we had a scene and night together a few days before).

I didn’t react emotionally at first, I let them be. I waited 12+ hours and then my first outreach to him was kindly asking for my stuff and if we could create a time to meet or if he could leave out for me to grab.

It was like pulling teeth trying to get my things. When we finally did meet he gave me everything but my jewelry.

It’s been three weeks and he still refuses to give me my stuff. Today even telling me not to contact him anymore.

Like sir. You have my stuff.

It’s upsetting.

I love being a sub (25f) and everything about it, currently dont have a Dom to control me.

Recently I have being exploring myself and I noticed how much I love when someone cums on my feet, they lick it off my feet. It turns me on. Can that be considered as switch?

Is it possible to reach subspace when playing online? I recently learned about it and I want to reach that point so bad. Daddy & I have a call tonight and I can’t wait.

Does anyone have recommendations for discreet day jewelry, particularly bracelets? I'm looking for one that is:
- gold (can be gold plated/filled)
- suitable for 24/7 wear
- more on the dainty side, discreet
- bonus if it locks

I want something I can always wear that reminds me I belong to my Daddy but is versatile, durable, and not super obvious. TIA fellow subbies!

Hi !

I'm Mia and i'm new to be a submisive woman, i don't have a dom for now but i really want to know how to please a dom since being sub exite me way more than before. thanks for all advice you'd give me 🖤 🤍 🖤