I didn't ask at the beginning... What now? (online dynamic)
A couple of months ago I posted in the bdsmpersonals and had quite a few responses. Started talking to a few people more seriously but I also easily blurred details of who was saying what. My current Dom, then just a candidate, stood out from the very beginning - conversation was in depth, I did all the standard vetting, asked so many, if not too many, questions and everything was amazing. However I assumed I had asked the most important probably question "Are you open to a romantic relationship and something serious long term?", but I haven't. Someone else gave me a satisfying answer and my memories mixed up, assuming it was him. I was happy and proceeded with asking him if he wants to try as I do like him. However down the line, re-reading our conversation, I realised I made a mistake and never asked him anything more than is he open to attachment.
Now this for me is an incredibly important question as I don't want just an attachment within a D/s frame - I want a fully integrated romantic TPE, probably even marriage. I don't really want a dynamic that stays as such only. Now it's two months into an ldr D/s dynamic and I am getting attached, even though we haven't even met yet. I don't want to hurt neither my own, neither his feelings and the situation seems complicated for me.
I am not sure how to approach the question from inside the dynamic. I understand he can actually leave if he is not open to integrating the dynamic into relationship and romance. Romantic relationship within D/s is not for everyone and I get that. But I did make the mistake to start the dynamic based on false memories and I am struggling now to figure out how to ask and I basically mostly scared because his answer could mean the end of everything. I am already developing emotional attachment and I really like him, so that would really really hurt. He is actually the Dom I have liked the most in my life and I am not young, so there is that too 🫤
My Dom has an avoidant attachment style and asking him directly will surely create pressure for him, which I would like to avoid. I am myself with an anxious attachment style and the balance in communication is already not easy so I was wondering if anyone has similar experience or just any advice for that matter would be highly appreciated!
Edit: the title is wrong - it's ldr, not purely online, but we haven't met yet.