u/Ok_Plastic2431

My wife never really has any fantasies or kinks. She loves to do whatever I want. But I want her to find things that she wants to try, I don’t want to make every decision. Any helpful media I can show her that isn’t explicitly porn?

To start my wife and I married young and have been together for 6 years. It’s hard to write this while I’m still processing, so I don’t mean to come off as blunt and or “matter o fact”. I just feel very distraught, and somewhat guilty for not knowing or being able to help her sooner, along with having a tendency to over explain.

Recently my wife wanted to try therapy for her depression, which I encouraged. After a few dozen sessions, she opened up to her therapist about her SA she had experienced from her ex. I did not know that had happened to her until very recently. I knew she dated someone before me for a short time, but I never really asked about her about it specifically since I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she’d bring it up. On a lighter note. She seems to be doing a lot better mentally and her libido has majorly improved.

To address the title. We have pretty much always been very vanilla in the bedroom. Not a bad thing, since hopefully we get the rest of our lives to explore eachother. To be frank, with this uptick of her libido. She has been very “explorative”,and you won’t catch me complaining. For context. When her libido first started to improve, was around the time she had opened up to her therapist. That was a while ago. She had only very recently opened up to me about it. That’s not an issue, just context for the timeline. I’ve done what I know to be helpful and as supportive as I can, and I’m trying to get more info to help more.

One of the first new things she wanted to try was to be verbally degraded. The first time felt awkward at first, then hard to not laugh. I wasn’t really that comfortable with it, but she was really really into it so I learned to enjoy it too. It very soon became a staple, even when trying other things for the first time.

After she opened up about her SA. That was the reason she never really talked about her ex. She was saving herself for marriage, and she thought he was too. He changed his mind and got mad when she still wanted to wait. Not getting to much into details. He advanced on her while they were alone… she blamed herself and never told anyone. They immediately broke up.

My wife told me he verbally degraded her and it destroyed her already poor self image at the time.

After she told me I started thinking about all the things I’ve said to her in bed. I’m just confused because she’s still very much into it unlike anything else. I just i don’t know if that is a healthy or harmful for her mentally in the long run.

So my questions are: Should I still be fulfilling her kink or concerned now that I am aware of how she was hurt, despite her outwardly expression of enjoying it?

If this doesn’t fit the sub, I’m sorry. I figured this might go here.