r/ChristianSexuality

I have been in a sexless marriage for around a year now and couldn’t hold back no more so I was on these dating apps and started chatting with this lady we were like our 3rd of chatting and she wanted to meet for drinks so I finally agreed we set up a meeting on a Saturday she said get a hotel room so we can cha in private and not risk of getting caught so Saturday night cane and when I arrived checked in as I was my stuff the hotel clerk said your guest had arrived so then I proceeded to the room and walked in and there I dropped everything and went into major shock mode

wife and I are committed Christians - active in our local church. We have a great sex life, no shame/trauma and avoided the entire purity culture stuff. Didn't know she was into it but had to check something on her phone and came across a bunch of links, mostly lesbian stuff.

I've always believed/thought porn is entirely sinful and best to be avoided.

My apathetic self says to just let it go and say nothing. My self-righteous self wants to bring it up and let her know that I don't think it's walking in the spirit to watch and my selfish/sinful self wants to watch it with her.

Curious how you view porn within marriage?

I wish my wife had a friend, preferably a female friend but didn’t have to be, that would slowly start convincing her that she needed to try huge bbc. Getting her thinking, then fantasizing then helping her find a bbc to get on her knees for.

I 30M was walking around the Spirit Halloween store that just opened up for the season near my wife (30F) and I’s house and when walking around I noticed that when we were walking around I would see a costume and think about my wife being in the costume and taking her right there in the store. I had never really had that before and thought it was interesting!

My wife then made a comment about me getting a Ghost Face mask and us having fun in that sometime. To which then I looked all over that store and well….could find one that fit my giant head LOL. Then a little time went by and we were talking to some close friends of ours and she had said something about there being a guy in a Call of Duty game I think it was that wore a mask that she thought was hot as well.

I haven’t looked into the game very much but I get the idea - so I want to see what costumes do you all really enjoy dressing up and having fun in? I do plan on getting a few masks and doing some scenes with my wife as that’s something that for sure turns both of us on but what’re some other ones maybe out of the normal Nurse, Cleaning Lady, Teacher, School girl, Velma, those sorts things that you think is fun and sexy!

We are both open to ideas and want to explore this kink together and would love some feedback from everyone here on their favorites!

TIA 🙂

Head of security for my church.

My best friend is the pastor, and I’m the head of his security team. I’ve been an active member for a little over a year. I never knew how many church going wives were as sexual and willing as they are. It was an eye opener. Not mad about it, just shocked. Is this a common thing??

I brought up the idea to her before our vacation, and she was willing to try it. Once we got to the beach, she was hesitant to undress, but I was ready and immediately undressed. She followed suit and took 15 mins to get comfortable. After that, she was walking around with me, walking down to the ocean, gradually getting more comfortable with being seen/seeing others. By the end, she was fully comfortable and begging to go again!

What are christian view on anal

The rush of thinking about sexual things as a pastor

I'm a married Baptist pastor and seminary professor. I hold a PhD in theology. Of course real life is quite different and more conventional, but I enjoy the rush of posting about sexual things on here. I like admitting these things, and being vulgar, if that makes sense. The very opposite of what my position in real life demands. I imagine what the women in my congregation look like naked. I imagine them being penetrated and doing sinful things. I imagine what their big bare breasts look like. I imagine "titfucking" them. That is a weakness of my mine, big breasts.

I'm obviously aware of the questionable nature of these thoughts. There's something potent about our humanity and tendencies. Potency with good and problematic branches. I think we all think about these endless contradictions, and the love of God.

I’ve been coming back, albeit, slowly to my faith in God. Going back to church, joining groups and studies. I wish that it was celebrated more in church, it feels as though it’s sinful, but I’m on the opposite end where I want to explore even more.

Has anyone experienced this dichotomy? Just trying to grasp all of this.

Baptist Pastor here. Have my first sex toy and looking to explore on camera a bit. Anyone have direction? 20 years in ministry and this feels like a safer out than pursuing some church wife in person. I grew up on the true love waits campaign and have always felt like I have making up for lost time to do. I’m straight and giving myself permission to be my sexual self for the first time ever. I’d love to find an open community or group or individuals that may have further interest in exploring more.

I personally don’t mind to be his freeuse and I have told him that he can use me anytime he wants to.

So this is one of occasions that he freeuse me. It was 5am here when I(30s F) still asleep and he pulled down my panties to my knees. He fingered my pussy until it’s wet enough for him to fuck me. The whole time he fucked me, I didn’t say anything, no dirty talk, no words besides moaning so he would have the experience of fucking a sexdoll who can be used anyways he wish. And I think he had a great time that he let out a loud groan when he cum on me.

This post is for illustrative posts only. Do not smother me with "just do this and it will fix it" because my marriage went sexless for a lot of reasons, and believe me when I say I have tried all of the things to fix it. Short of God himself intervening in my wife's heart, I do not see it changing ever, so I do not want advice.

Being in a Christian Marriage that has become sexless is like being marooned on an island in the Pacific. Beautiful weather all around, and there are crates of food that periodically wash up on shore. The only problem is that you are a diabetic, and the crates are all full of candy and cookies. One day you notice a crate washes up that looks different from the others, so you approach it optimistically hoping it contains some kind of protein that you can eat .... but its a crate of cleaning supplies. All of the crates are useful, but not to you.

I struggle SO much with the intensity of my sex drive and I think therapy has helped me identify my hypersexuality as a result of early sexual trauma. Even knowing this, I can’t seem to stop getting horny and feeling like I NEED to get off multiple times a day. It doesn’t interfere with my day to day living but man the pull is intense.

I don’t watch porn or read erotica and I’m trying to keep myself for my future husband. (I’m single).

So it’s just me and my own stimulation and trying to keep my mind as clear as possible so I’m not lost in a fantasy world.

I feel guilty about it. But also need it so much. I just got off a couple hours ago and already feel the ache for more. Anyone else?! How do y’all handle it?! 😭

Many have come out of "purity" culture with baggage. Some now know that they're allowed to enjoy various forms of sexuality. However, due to leftover shame and guilt, they put their sex life in a box "outside of their Christian life." They evade God. They don't ask Him for wisdom about whether they should date and have sex with a certain person. They don't pray to have a romantic sexual partner that is mutually satisfying and safe for both. They don't ask Him for wisdom and strength to enjoy something like masturbation but in moderation.

Don't let leftover guilt and shame about sex cause you to "hide" from God. Perhaps you subconsciously think it's "dirty" so you then evade Him in this matter. We are to "walk in the light" (1 John 1:7). This verse isn't just about doing what's right. It's about living honestly and openly with God. He already sees everything. If you're allowed to engage in certain things, then you can do so in good conscience and thank Him for it ("give thanks in all things"). Sometimes baggage from left over man-made traditions causes people to feel like they shouldn't include God in the domain of their sex life. You can. It's good to pray to Him for wisdom, blessings and opportunities in it, and for others and yourself to not be hurt with your sex life and sin/problems to be avoided (1 Chronicles 4:10). We are to include God in all aspects of our life, not just in "church" on Sunday but during the whole week, and the week includes our sex life/sexual desires and others connected to that.

I find most days I find myself needing a pick me up an hour before lunch and again an hour before the day is done - and often find that dopamine hit through chatting with ladies here, or while watching cams, and the like - so often 2x a day for me.

How about y'all? How often do you play at work? What do you use for help? Play to completion or just enough to get some blood flow before getting back to work?

Ive been married for 14 years. With my wife for 20. Before marriage we had sex frequently and loved it anywhere anytime. After marriage it just shut off. We had kids a year later and her sex drive just disappeared. Was about once a month, once every 3 weeks at best. We had a incident where she went camping with friends and almost slept with a guy(she let him feel her up but then stopped out of guilt. She had a fee drinks). She didnt tell me for a month and brought it up in a manipulative way. Started saying how shes ok with me looking at others and eventually even acting on those desires as long as i didnt pet her know, later she asked what i was comfortable with and she got really specific which made me ask where it was coming from. Eventually she told me and kinda broke down in fear. I was hurt at first. Months later i couldnt finish unless i imagined another guy pleasing her. We had open conversations about desires and fantasies and even watched porn together and sent eachother videos we liked. We role played using friends names and for 3-4 months i was in heaven having sex any time i was horny. After that time her sex drive died and were back to once a month for the last 2 years. Ive tried asking whats wrong, what changed, how can we get back to that? Nothing works and almost always turns into an argument that all i want is sex. Whats your advice to bring back that passion?

Summary: The purity movement assumes its is possible for a human to have only ever pure thoughts. Scripture, and human experience, tell us that is impossible. Hence, the fact it is applied to humans is its fatal flaw.

Reasoning: I am too old to be a part of the purity movement (grew up in the 1970s) but I remember when it happened. The whole concept of purity rings and "marrying Jesus" (yes, that was a thing in one church I was at) I thought was silly.

Now that I am a grandfather, and looking back on how the church as a whole served -- or didnt serve -- us as sexual beings, I realize that purity culture has one fatal flaw: It assumes its possible for a human to live a life devoid of sexual thoughts. We are human, that is impossible. Sex drives are baked into our very being by God himself, so thinking we could spend our days not having sexual thoughts while waiting for "the one God planned for us to marry" suddenly appears ... and then to wait for a year or more until you actually marry that person before having any sexual thoughts about her (or him if you are a girl) is ridiculous at best and cruel at worst.

Humans, especially teenage humans with raging hormones, are going to have sexual thoughts. To preach its possible to not have them is to set them up for failure.

A few years back my wife (46) and I (50) wanted to try the hotwife lifestyle. At the beginning we both enjoyed her meeting and being with other people male and female. After about a year it was taking an emotional toll on our marriage and family. We decided to stop, focus on rebuilding our marriage and family. We went to counseling and back to church. We have an amazing marriage, emotional connection and sex.

Unfortunately I still at times think back to those moments. I still love to brag about my wife while also hearing from other male and females describe what they want to do with her while I masturbate.

Then the post nut clarity kicks in and I feel completely guilty and horrible. Reminding myself this is not how a Godly marriage is suppose to be. She knows I still think about those times and also my bragging and sharing with others. Neither one of us want to go back to that lifestyle, but I can’t stop myself thinking about it.

My wife never really has any fantasies or kinks. She loves to do whatever I want. But I want her to find things that she wants to try, I don’t want to make every decision. Any helpful media I can show her that isn’t explicitly porn?