How trying to quit porn and masturbation led us to chastity
Hi everyone,
I thought I’d introduce myself and share how I ended up here.
I’m a guy in my early 50s from Australia, married to an amazing woman who has become my Keyholder. We’ve always had a very open and honest relationship, and over the years we’ve become increasingly comfortable talking about fantasies, kinks and the things that genuinely strengthen our relationship.
The interesting thing is that for us, chastity wasn’t originally about kink at all.
The catalyst was that I realised my masturbation and porn habits had gradually become something I wasn’t happy with. They were becoming excessive, to the point that they were reducing my desire and arousal for the person I actually wanted most, my wife. I wanted to change that.
At the same time, my libido has always been naturally higher than hers, and as we’ve gotten older the gap has become even more noticeable. I found myself wanting sexual stimulation far more often than she did. Chastity seemed like a way to solve both problems. It gives her genuine agency over our sexual relationship while allowing me to enjoy the anticipation, denial and mental stimulation without constantly chasing orgasm.
We’re only on Day 3, so we’re complete beginners.
At the moment, my wife unlocks me each evening before bed so I can shower, sleep comfortably and check that everything is healthy. The cage goes straight back on in the morning. That routine is working really well for both of us while we learn.
We’re treating this as a four-week trial. At the end, we’ll sit down together and honestly discuss what’s working, what isn’t, and whether we want to continue full-time, use chastity intermittently, or take it in a different direction. Neither of us feels locked into an outcome. We’re simply curious to see what it does for our relationship.
What has surprised me most isn’t the physical side, it’s how comfortable I feel wearing the cage. I expected it to feel restrictive, but instead I find myself enjoying the denial, the constant reminder of our dynamic, and the knowledge that my orgasms are no longer entirely my decision.
It has also removed a lot of the pressure I felt to perform. Like most men my age, erections aren’t quite what they were twenty years ago, and somehow being caged has taken that pressure away. It allows me to focus much more on her, and intimacy feels more relaxed and enjoyable for both of us.
What has surprised me even more is how quickly my wife has embraced being my Keyholder.
I honestly thought I’d be the one driving most of this because it was initially my idea. Instead, she’s started taking ownership of the dynamic in ways I never expected. She’s begun teasing me throughout the day, building anticipation, and reminding me that my pleasure is now something she controls rather than something I simply take for myself.
Today she even called me during the day and instructed me to use a prostate toy she’d bought for me while I remained locked. What struck me wasn’t the instruction itself, but the confidence with which she gave it. For the first time, I realised she wasn’t just going along with my idea, she was genuinely stepping into the Keyholder role and discovering what she enjoys about it.
That moment made me realise that chastity isn’t simply about preventing masturbation and orgasms. It’s about anticipation, connection, trust, and giving her agency over an aspect of our relationship that had ostensibly been mine to control. I feel incredibly fortunate that she’s not only willing to try this, but seems to be genuinely enjoying the role herself.
I’m here to learn from people with more experience than me. I’m interested in the psychology of chastity, how long-term dynamics evolve, what works, what doesn’t, and how other couples have found it has changed their relationships over months and years.
One question for those of you who have been doing this for a while: have you ever told close friends or family? My instinct is to keep this private, but I do have one very close male friend I’ve considered confiding in. At the same time, I’m conscious that once you tell someone you can’t untell them, and I’d hate for it to become gossip within our wider friendship group. I’d be interested to hear how others have approached that.
Looking forward to learning from all of you.
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TL;DR: Married Australian guy in his early 50s, currently on Day 3 of a four-week chastity trial with my wife as Keyholder. We started primarily to reduce masturbation and porn, improve intimacy, and better manage our mismatched libidos. So far we’re both surprised by how much we’re enjoying it, especially how naturally my wife has embraced the Keyholder role. I’m here to learn from couples with more experience and hear how chastity has evolved in your relationships.