u/OpinionThink481

You don't invite someone to a party because you think they are wanting to be invited out, you invite them because you want to invite them and either they accept or decline, same goes for cold approaching. You approach because you want to, not because you think they are waiting for it.

The reason you do cold approach is not because it's normalized in your area or because somehow have the superpower of reading minds, you cold approach because you want to be the type of man who does what he wants, including approaching a woman that he likes, even if the rest of society finds it weird.

See i believe most men problems and frustrations come because they never actually do what they want to do, they always do either what society tells them they should do, or what a particular woman tells them they should do. But what about what he naturally wants to do when no one tells him simply because his heart calls for it?

They never do that out of fear of being ostracized and negative reactions, and this creates weak men who are always reactive instead of proactive.

I realized that it's irrelevant if something is weird or not, because it's not your duty to be normal, or avoid being weird. What's relevant is doing what you want simply because you give yourself the authority to do whatever you want to.

It's about empowerment and authenticity, it's about being the type of man who follows his own rules, not other people's rules. A guy who wants to have the integrity to honors his desires and does not let society, men or women, tell him what he has to do.

A guy who does not conform to arbitrary social norms that are not his obligations to follow. A guy who has the full conviction that what he does is valid, not because others approve it, but because he approves it unilaterally simply because he says so and that's good enough.

Even if the girl herself questions why you do would do it, you don't go defensive, you don't apologize for doing what you want, you don't justify yourself, you don't stop doing it, you simply double down because that's what a man who knows what he wants and respects himself does.

Because you don't need her permission as no one has granted her the divine authority to dictate to you what you can or cannot do. She can only refuse what you offer, not tell you what to do.

So it's about being a man who leads his own life on his own terms, not a dude who always does what others expect from him or who lets society or a woman dictate to him what he has to do.

You might then recognize that it's not even about whether a woman likes you if you approach her, or ask her out or invite her to your place, it's about what type of man you want to be. The one who has the independence and willingness to go against the norm and do what he wants, or the guy who hates himself because he is always doing what everybody else wants at the expense of what his own heart wants to do in the moment.

That's why you do this, because the proactive mindset of acting because you want to rather than because someone told you, later translates to other areas of dating such us who is leading his own life in a relationship vs who is letting her lead his own life for him with the added consequence of her losing respect for him for his lack of independence.

If she rejects you, that's fine, that's her job. Respect her decision gracefully and move on. But it's not your job to reject yourself before she does.

Here is something perspective that might help you with that person who is confusing you... We'all been there... A man or woman who is hot and cold, who sometimes seems all over you and other times she acts like you don't exist or she acts always hot, but when it comes to escalating things there is usually an obstacle that prevents it and you wonder: "what the heck does this person want? Am i wasting my time or what?""

Well, i have recently been sort of enlightened lol! I realized that mixed signals aren't actually a riddle for you to decode with enough effort, intuition, or reading between the lines. Cuz treating it like a puzzle only leads to one sided over-investment, anxiety, resentment and eroded self-respect while you chase breadcrumbs. And who wants to be a breadcrumber when given the choice? Not me that's for sure.

It only leads to overthinking, which is that they are trying to interpret things based on stories they are telling themselves. Different women and men can do the exact same behaviors and say similar things and yet their intentions or goals can still be completely different because people are not computers where you can attach consistently certain inputs to certain outputs.

So the solution to mixed signals is not to read between the lines or read minds or to make guesses according to what other people think it mean... Instead!!! the solution is to know what you want, express what you want clearly and explicitly... Aaaand the most important thing of all, to know what is the only answer you will accept from them after expressing what you want.

The last one is crucial. If you want the answer from the other person to be "fuck yes, i want what you want, let's do it now, im available"... you don't settle for "maybes", or "i'm busy now, but ill let you know" messages, or "rescheduling" messages" or inconsistency or vague attitude about plans.

You only accept a "fuck yes" where things just happen the exact way that you want them to happen.

If a person is giving you "maybes" or "almosts", then you move on, not because you interpret they are not interested, but rather because even if it's true that they are interested, you don't settle for less than a an "absolute yes" and you know what that looks like because it means everything is happening effortlessly without obstacles or difficulties.

So you are not moving on because they don't like you, you move on because they don't live up to your standards of investment even if they like you. You simply move on because you know you deserve better. That's it.

That way their mixed signals are no longer a puzzle to decipher, they become a deal breaker and that's why you lose interest despite the other person liking you. It's basically recognizing "that person who likes me is not good enough for me because their behavior does not match my standards".

And i hey!! i get it! If you really like that person this might be hard, you might think "i have to have hope because that's the one i really like", but that's just scarcity mentality and you teaching them that to be with you it doesn't require them to put their best effort, because you will tolerate any crap that they give you, just to be with them.

And what kind of relationship can you expect is that the pattern you teach them? A shitty one where your needs are never met even if she is becomes your official partner.

So i believe it's better to stop chasing breadcrumbs and negotiating for scraps cuz when you negotiate for scraps and breadcrumbs... Then, scraps and breadcrumbs is all you will get.

If you don't agree, that's ok, but maybe it will help you to think of this problem with a different mindset.

A man who sacrifices his friendships (or anything important) for a woman, ends up having no friends, and no woman because the woman ends up leaving him too, precisely because of everything he sacrifices that he didn't genuinely want to sacrifice.

Doing things that you don't want to do out of fear someone will leave you if you don't do comply is what people pleaser or pushover does. And people's pleasers finish last with women always for the simple fact they don't respect themselves, and when you don't respect yourself, your woman can't respect you neither. And without respect attraction dies.

Sacrificing every friend you have, every person leads to being more dependent of her precisely because she is all you have. When a woman nags you about you spending time with your friends, you need to state boundaries.

You say something like: "listen, i did not get into a relationship to have someone tell me who i should or shouldn't be friends with, now if you are unhappy with my right to have friends, you can sometimes join me and see if you get along or if you still can't be happy with that, then we are not compatible and it's better to end things. you find someone who doesn't want to have friends, and i find someone who accepts i will have friends, just like i accept that you have friends."

You don't say "ok ill do whatever you say, please don't leave meeeee"... Plus, you might also need to let her know that you also won't tolerate bad vibes for having friends, meaning that if she acts butt hurt, gives you silent treatment after you expressed the previous boundary, then that's crossing a boundary because you don't want someone making you feel bad for it.

And remember that if you are willing to tolerate any crap or be willing to do any sacrifice just to not lose the relationship, you will lose everything, and the girl will be increasingly more demanding, more bossy, nag more, and ultimately she will leave you as well in the end. And then you can't say "i did everything you wanted, and now you leave me?" Because the woman leaving you won't care if you feel it is unfair, and it was ultimately your decision to do that.

A man without boundaries is a man trapped in a relationship where he will lose everything, will not have his needs met, and will grow resentful, before the woman ultimately dumps him without mercy.

Whoever taught you that you needed to apologize for existing, or to apologize for what you want, desire, or for liking a particular woman, or for not preemptively saving women from yourself needs to be locked up.

You don't have a duty to shrink yourself, over-apologize, seek constant permission, or act deferential just for taking up space, showing up around women’s sight, having opinions, doing what you want, leading, asserting boundaries, or to act like your presence around women or your masculinity is inherently burdensome/problematic.

It’s not your job to self-police yourself because you've unilaterally decide you have to protect women from you as if your mere desire or existence or company was some type of potential risk that you preemptively need to protect her from cuz she ain't a child.

you don't have tto walk on eggshells, preemptively diminishing yourself or say shit like:

“sorry if this comes off creepy,” “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” or "i know i shouldn't hit on you, but...", "i dont wanna upset you but..."

You don't any obligation at all to assume that any assertion of your desires is aggressive because that is the opposite of confidence and strength... It’s self-erasure to avoid being seen as “the bad guy" dressed up as "i just have empathy for women's discomfort" to make it seem like your fear about triggering a bad reaction from a particular woman is a virtue, when in reality it's about your own self-preservation.

Because no one has a duty to prioritize sure people don't potentially feel distress or discomfort after you expressed what you wanted, just like the rest of us are not entitled to demand that others make sure their behavior prioritizes our comfort.

If a girl specifically tells you explicitly to stop that's a different thing. If a woman is refusing to engage with you after you offer an invitation, sure stop. But it's not your job to do reject yourself before they do.

Masculinity is not a hazard that requires mitigation, and you need to stop apologizing for being a man. It's not your job to preemptively save women from yourself because your desire is not something that any woman needs protection from by default. It's only when you pressure or refuse to take no, that that's the case, but inviting them to something is perfectly valid.

You don't ask her out, because a woman grants you permission to ask her out, you ask her out because you want to and her only right and job is to accept or decline your invitation. She is not in charge of dictating whether you can or cannot ask her out or not in the first place because she simply is not entitled to that. She is only entitled to turn you down or ignore your question, not to preemptively order what you can or cannot invite her to.

That's how freedom works, if she says "no" that's fair, you walk away simply becasue you accept her freedom to refuse, because your freedom ends where her freedom begins, and that goes both ways.

Back in the day I used to try to decipher signals in a particular woman's behavior often forgetting that whether a woman is flirting with him or not is something only she knows. What we call signals could be her personality or it could be true that she is flirting.

And that's cuz i wanted to play it safe, to avoid getting my ego hurt if possible, but now i realize that uncertainty and unpredictability is just unavoidable in seduction and dating.

Cuz the thing is that even if we could know objectively that she is flirting, that is still something that could be because she is open to romance, or it could be something that she does for self-amusement, for relaxation, for her ego to receive validation or in a few cases to use someone.

Because not everyone who flirts does it for the intention of signalling romantic interest as flirting. Flirting in the best case scenario is something i would define as behavior leading another to believe that sexual intercourse or romance is possible, but without a guarantee that it will happen. As it may or it may not.

So even if we could tell that she is flirting to signal romantic interest, that still doesn't mean that she is sold on us, if we try to pursue.

Because flirting for romantic interest is just an invitation for us to try, but just because we try doesn't mean she is guaranteeing that she will be impressed or drawn to us after we tried or that she will like what we tell her, or that she will accept any proposal of a date or to sleep with us just because she was interested enough to invite us to try.

In other words, we will never have guarantees over the outcome before we try because there are no guarantees in dating and in life. The only thing that's guaranteed in life is eventual death.

So all this overthinking will not guarantee that we will get it right. Because the outcome is never predetermined before we try, the outcome is always determined after we tried. A woman flirting with you does not guarantee she is not going to reject you even if she was genuinely interested in you until you opened your mouth.

Overthinking is the result of trying to control something which is inherently uncontrollable because ultimately the outcome when you hit on a woman does not 100% depend on you, as the woman's feelings, circumstances, priorities, preferences and luck are part of the equation which we don't control.

Analyzing a woman's secret thoughts is more likely to lead to paralysis by analysis than if you just went for it without trying to predict the outcome and accepted that whatever happens happens, and that's ok.

Therefore, the best approach i found is to act with confidence, accept the ambiguity and uncertainty, and accept the reality that the result is determined after the effort, not before.

And that the real stakes are not "will she like me or not", the real stakes are, "will I choose to be the man that goes for what he wants, or will I choose to be the man that is too scared to live.