I want to fucking kill myself and im not being hyperbolic, if I was less of a pussy I certainly would’ve done it by now. Im a low life scum piece of shit that deserves nothing. The worst part is I have no desire to stop using. Somebody shoot me in the head please.
I am a relatively new user, but Ive been attracted and enamored by substances my whole life. I always find myself need to scratch an itch of an unknown origin. Im currently on suboxone for a heavy stint with 70h about a year ago(400mg+) a day. I thought It would satisfy my need for artificial pleasure while allowing me to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and it did… for about 6 months. As each month from there passed on I had grown more and more anhedonic, to the point where it didn’t feel worth it to get out of bed. So I (foolishly)decided to take matters into my own hands. I was so sick of the prospect of opiate withdrawal, that I convinced myself I would never be able to taper off unless I had another powerful substance to hold me over.
So I decided it was going to be meth, I had a lot of experience with Adderall over the years and was very fond of it. I started trying to find people on Reddit( yes this subreddit lol) at first I encountered nothing but scammers, but I live in a very populous part of the us and I knew for a fact someone would be able to help me get what I need. Lo and behold, I finally get a message from a guy who I can tell is legit, I tell him what I want and set up a pickup for the next day. Cold hard cash. The next day rolls around and I drive to the spot for the pickup. The dude was way nicer than I expected and we chatted for a few minutes after the exchange(8ball) I then excitedly drive back to my parents house