I didnt even know this was a thing
I, 27 F, have been married to my husband, 30 M for a little over a year now. We have a great marriage overall, and I love him. Sex has never really been a problem until 6 months ago, when he started having trouble getting an erection.
I didnt think anything of it, this sometimes happens to men, and Ive dated guys in the past that need a little help down there sometimes, totally normal. So I didnt think anything of it. But it was a recurring issue for about 2 months, with us being able to have sex about half the time.
I know you aren't interested in hearing the details of my sex life, but its important because I started getting a bit concerned. At first I thought it was a me problem, that he wasnt attracted to me. And as a result became self conscious. We ended up having a heart to heart conversation and he told me how he thinks Im beautiful. In the course of that conversation he mentioned he watches porn.
I had always assumed he hadn't and was a bit offended that he did, not to be a prude but its a bit disheartening to hear he would rather masturbate than have sex with me, especially when we are having issues there.
We ended up reconciling. And for a little bit things got a little better but the problem persosted. Curiosity got the better of me, and a lot of you will judge me for this and perhaps I deserve it, but one day I ended up going on his laptop to see if he was still watching it, as the problem was still there. Turns out he was, and honestly, it wouldve been fine if he was just looking at pictures of models but there were a lot of videos saved in a folder on his computer of married women having sex with a man while their husband watched.
I kinda felt like I wanted to throw up. When he got home, I confronted him about it. He was pissed that I invaded his privacy like that, which, to be fair, he has a point and I did apologize. But then I talked to him about the kind of porn he was watching and he admitted that he loves the idea of me having sex with other men. I was pretty grossed out by this, but he talked to me more about it.
He said he doesnt even feel like he deserves me, I go to the gym often and he fantasies about some gym guy having sex with me etc. I was pretty mad at him still but we talked again a few days later and he told me to look into it, and cited a lot of succsess stories about how this has strengthened people's marriage.
So here I am, personally, he satisfies me just fine. I do find other men handsome, and enjoy great sex, but the idea of sleeping with a bunch of guys is still one Im getting used to.
I wanted to know from people who do this how this has effected your relationship, if its something worth doing. It would make my husband very happy and part of me could see myself enjoying this, so Im not close minded to this, just hesitant. What are some things in this dynamic that worked/didnt work? How and where do I meet guys? There's one guy at the gym who kinda flirts with me, and he is very attractive, but I haven't dont anything with him, is he a good place to start? Finally, is there any part of this dynamic that I am leaving out that I should be aware of, like I said, I didnt really know this was a thing until seeing those videos.