We dipped our toes in the water and I got frost bite [cuck’s perspective]
My wife and I were both inexperienced in this specific lifestyle. However, we had fantasized and talked about it for a long time. She was really interested in having an mfm threesome, and I felt like I could facilitate that easily since I have cuckold tendencies.
At first everything was great. We downloaded an app together, used a shared profile, and did all of it as a team. We had our first threesome, and she was hooked. I had some difficult emotions to process, but they were manageable and didn’t take away from the arousal. Ironically, the hardest thing for me to understand was how much they were kissing. I didn’t care about the sex, but we hadn’t kissed like that in a long time. It made me think we need to prioritize kissing more often. The guy we picked was super sweet and bi, so I got to experiment with him a bit too. It was a good time all around.
I didn’t realize how quickly she would want the next experience. Within a day she was already hunting for the next guy. I slowly started to feel like an afterthought, the apps started to take over our shared time, and this began to be a very consuming endeavor. I decided to give it my best effort though, and deal with the emotions. We had a couples therapist and I had my own therapist that were both aware of our dynamic and experimentation. Worst case scenario, we go back to them and figure it out, right?
Well, we had another threesome, this time with a guy a bit more experienced. This threesome for me was even less problematic. He was very respectful and bounced shortly after. However, this threesome was so enjoyable for her that she really dove headfirst into the apps. She started saying things like she wanted a harem, she needed backups in case someone wasn’t available. Again, our relationship started to slowly wither. I started having this gnawing feeling in my stomach, but we had therapy next week. It had only been a few weeks since we started this whole thing, I’m just panicking. I noticed she started to withdraw more and more. My feelings became a burden to her. Our time together revolved entirely around this. Red flags were popping up, but I was too scared to pull the plug because I thought she’d leave. That’s a terrible place to be, and I don’t recommend anybody letting that fear dictate their decision making.
We had one last threesome scheduled before she was supposed to go on a trip to pick her daughter up and then things were supposed to slow down. The problem was our communication around slow down had two totally different meanings. The last threesome was the kinkiest. I needed the most aftercare once it was done, but it seemed like she was ready to move on. She wanted to go out with our friends. I begrudgingly said ok, knowing this would be the last night we get to do so for a while. I felt like a burden on her the whole night. She even called me clingy at one point because I wanted to hang out with her. The pit in my stomach grew and grew. She met a guy at the bar and immediately started messaging him.
This time it was different. This time it wasn’t a shared account. She was messaging him on her own. Things quickly escalated from there and I finally had the courage to safe word and told her if we didn’t pause, I was going to lose my mind. She reeled, and fought back. She had finally felt free and here I am chaining her down again.
It took months and months of therapy for us to get back to normal. She’s admitted to becoming obsessed with the thrill and we have had some very emotional conversations. Ironically, we are at a much deeper level now than we ever have been. However, it took a lot of pain and work to get here.
I still have these fantasies, but now I have so much apprehension and fear about making them a reality again. I have to see that those things will never happen again.