The fantasy growing bigger by day, but….how to?
I A 25-year-old straight male and my girlfriend, also 25, have been in a committed relationship for the past four years. We have always been open to experimenting and finding new ways to bring excitement and variety into our sex life.
We tried group sex with 2 women, 1 men and we both for the first time about a year ago, but the experience turned out to be quite bitter for her. The other women present became very involved with both of us, and we weren’t able to communicate our boundaries properly. She regretted the experience afterward.
I used to be quite conservative about sex, but over time my sexuality, preferences, and kinks have expanded considerably. I am straight, but I have become increasingly curious about exploring experiences involving both men and women, particularly in the context of threesomes and watching my girlfriend explore her sexuality.
She has a fantasy of being with multiple men at once, and this is something that can become incredibly intense when we talk about it in bed. Just bringing up the idea can completely change the atmosphere between us. We talk about her being desired by other men, being the centre of attention, and the idea of both of us experiencing that together. She seems to genuinely enjoy the fantasy, and her reactions can be incredibly hot and exciting.
There is something about hearing her talk about it, imagining her giving herself over to the experience, and knowing that she wants to explore that side of herself that really turns me on.
At the same time, there is a strange contrast between our fantasies and reality. When we’re caught up in the moment, she seems very excited by the idea and engages with the fantasy enthusiastically, but outside the bedroom she isn’t nearly as inclined to actually make it happen.
I fantasize about seeing her with other men and women, and especially about being there with her while she explores that side of her sexuality. The idea of watching her enjoy herself, knowing that she feels safe with me and that we are experiencing something together, is incredibly exciting to me. I don’t just want to fantasize about it forever and I sometimes feel a strong desire to actually explore that part of our sexuality together while keeping our emotional relationship secure and our connection with each other at the centre of it.
First, I feel like I may be holding back a part of my sexuality, and I wish we could explore much more together. I would love to experience her being intimate with another man while I am present and involved, and to discover what that experience would feel like for both of us.
Second, I’ve noticed that after sex I sometimes lose this fantasy interest almost instantaneously for a while. That makes me wonder whether I might experience the same thing after actually acting on one of these fantasies.
I’m afraid that something that feels incredibly exciting beforehand could leave me questioning or regretting it afterward.
We also have other relationship issues and problems, so I worry that if this experiment went badly, it could make those existing problems worse.
The thought of “What if I regret this?” is always somewhere in the back of my mind. At the same time, I can’t seem to stop fantasizing about these experiences, and a part of me genuinely wants to explore them.
I don’t really have anyone I can talk to openly about this, so any insight, perspective, or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.