Should I be worried about this?
So first off, TW/CW for CNC, concentual blackmail, and breif mentions of abuse/cPTSD
I'm a trans girl (22), and im also asexual/pansexual, as in im not sexually attracted to people, but i do have strong sexual desires that don't really change regardless of gender or amount of people (so it doesn't matter to me if its one person or five lol), so ive always had a lot of kinks.
however, I just sort of wonder if it's wrong to be this into some of tje fantacies I have: I don't think its wrong to be into CNC, and id never kink shame anyone, but I can't help but worry when so much of my sexual intrests revolve around me being compleatly helpless and objectified.
Like I wish I had someone I could roleplay with, I wamt to be tied up and "beg" them to let me go, I think itd be so hot if someone let me fight to try pushing them away, but since my arms are so tiny that they'd probably easily be able to pin me down and force my legs apart while i struggle and tell them not to, and when I disobey, I'm punished in some way, like pinching my nipples hard when I don't lick/suck, or even taking pictures or videos of me and "threatening" to send it if i dont do as im told, I want the illusion of someone forcing me to do things, and me hating it and not wanting it, even though I actually do want it, or if I didn't we would have safewords and stuff, but some part of me feels like thats a bad or wrong thing to want, like I should talk to a therapist or something.
Most of my fantacies revolve around cnc in some way, like being tied up or being someones "sex-slave", I'd even be fully willing to join someone elses relationiship purely as a sex object for them to "force" into whatever they want: I keep putting words like "force" im quotes because I dom't actually want to be r.ped obviously, I've had that happen before, and it was traumatizing, but I do want them to concentually "force" me to do things.
I wonder if cPTSD, is the reason my sexual desires are so- like this, but im not a psychologist so idk.
I want someone I could roleplay with and who would be willing to tied me up or pin me down, but not only am i too autistic to make friends, let alone sexual partners, but I don't even know how hard it'd be to find people who'd even be into that.
Anyways, thats all, I was jusr wondering if anyone had any thoughts about that, should I br concerned that the entiredy of my sexual intrests and desires are so extreme?