I think it was necessary. We were long distance and both kinda broke so unable to see each other a ton without going into some debt. He can’t move here at all and I wouldn’t be able to move there for at least another year and a half and I just can’t do it anymore. But he made me feel safe. So incredibly safe. Nobody has made me feel that way in a long long time. There were things he wanted from me that I couldn’t give but he never pressured me at all. There were vanilla things that bothered me as well. But my brain is saying “go back to the safety, go back to the comfort.” Really we wouldn’t have worked long term and I know that. But right now it’s so hard to accept reality. I hate it. I miss him and it’s only been 2 days.
He took it really hard, I don’t think he was expecting it at all. He loves me deeply and I love him too but I needed to cut it now before we got even more attached because regardless we would’ve broken up eventually. I feel so bad for leaving him especially when he’s going through a rough time but it was causing me to go insane so I had to choose myself for once.
He’s not really ready to be a dad (I have a kid so pretty relevant and important to me), he doesn’t take care of himself like I wish he would, he’s inconsistent with communication which isn’t his fault but not something I can handle, he can’t move here and can’t visit more than once every 6 weeks or so. I know all these things and I know the distance is too much, but the safety I feel when we do have time together is something I’m scared I’ll never get again. I’m sorry for the vent. Somebody tell me it’ll be okay and he’ll be okay and I’ll find safety again😭