u/PieceNo9346

So I have several issues when it comes to sex and I want to fix them but I don’t know how. I’ve been sexually abused for years and I’m not sure if it’s just how my brain is wired or if I’m just a miserable woman who can’t enjoy things.

1. I’m too insecure. I can never actually enjoy something because I’m constantly worried I’m being compared to an ex (my ex did it often)

2. I can’t have more than one thing happening at a time. Clit stimulation and penetration at the same time makes me numb and I lose interest QUICK and won’t get back in the mood for days or weeks.

3. Losing my mood because something isn’t working out. My boyfriend and I are long distance so we have long distance toys and he tells me to get into all these positions and I just can’t bend in ways he wants me to which makes get violently angry and I end up shutting down. I’m like this in person as well especially it’s worse because I’ll sit there and cry and ruin everything.

4. I’m insecure about what I look like or smell like down there. I want to have a porn quality everything because my current boyfriend used to have a porn addiction so I know for a fact he has this idea on what sex is going to be like when he doesn’t know what it’s going to be like at all.

5. My g-spot is useless. I have a pretty useless cunt. I do t get much pleasure from it besides clit stimulation or DEEP penetration. I’m not a size queen but yeah it would be nice to be able to have a penetrative organ without having to use a fucking toy. It makes me feel like shit and I can’t imagine how it would make my boyfriend feel knowing I only enjoy sex when my cervix is getting hit.

6. Clit stimulus while something is thrusting in me makes me numb so knowing my boyfriend will either have to just stay still for him to feel me have an orgasm around him doesn’t sound fun to me. Another thing that shuts me down.

7. I won’t initiate anything sexual if I know I won’t finish. I can last 30 minutes and mot even be anywhere close to having an orgasm. Online is Easy because at least I can fake that shit, mute and finish myself off by pretending I went to get food but irl that won’t work. I just don’t want to sit there for 30 minutes having someone touching on me and have them finish and I’m still unsatisfied. So there’s really no reason to initiate sex knowing I’ll be disappointed.

I’m 5’2 and my boyfriend is 6’3 so the height difference will definitely be an issue. We’re long distance and planning our first meet up in a few months.

Issue is, he wants to try a bunch of positions that would be uncomfortable.

For example, 69. I couldn’t even enjoy it with my 5’11 ex, so how the fuck am I supposed to enjoy it with someone who’s 6’3?

Shower sex is horrible too. The only position worth doing is leaning on the wall and having a dude hit from behind. Anything other than that is uncomfortable.

I’ve explained this to him and it’s like he isn’t understanding and wants to try anyway. You spend more time adjusting and getting into a position than you do actually getting pleasure. And I’m the type who loses my mood in seconds if something doesn’t go right and it won’t come back for days.

I just don’t know how to satisfy him when I know for a fact these positions aren’t going to work. He wants to try and I know it will fail and I’ll shut down which will then make me force myself to have sex when im clearly not in the mood. It’s like he thinks he’ll be this magic man who will get it figured out and he’s not. As fucked up as that sounds he’s not that guy.

No one is. It’s just how I am. I’m too short to be able to enjoy someone taller