Tired, Desperatevirgin blocked by Adhd, Mental conditions, inexperience and a latex allergy.
Title: I’m 18 (gender fluid, bio male). I really need some advice. For as long as I could remember, long before I started puberty, I've known I was hypersexual, and it's been difficult, especially during school and puberty, since I knew the most I could do was jerk off, and the two relationships I had as a minor unsurprisingly didn't end up in any form of intercourse. So for the last 12 years, I've progressively masturbated more and more, from 1-2 a day at the start to on the regular 6-7 (shush) times now, and I've gotten to the point where while I'm alone working, I will just pop open a tab and have porn running in the corner. I'm not ashamed of being hypersexual (aside from the fact I feel like I'm lying since it's not caused by abuse), but ashamed of basically everything else, even if I can't help it, from my voice and looks to kinks and my sexuality, even if people say they don't care.
When I was 17, I thought i had hit the jackpot since I started dating a fellow hypersexual however they were Trans (F-M), who was way to scared of pregnancy to the point they were to scared to touch my penis in fear they would get pregnant, and I was quote "too big" to give a blowjob to and even after we worked through it and they were ready to do anything if i had a condom we discovered im alergic to latex and before I buy free condoms that latex free and my size we broke up.
When I finally turned 18, I was finally diagnosed with a plethora of things I was sure I had (especially ADHD), along with the fact that a lot of things were now open to me as an 18-year-old. I naively thought that I would finally be able to have some form of proper sexual intimacy, even if it was a basic handjob. Hower here I am 3/4 of a year later, and I've been too afraid and self-loathing to even download a dating app or talk to more than a couple of people. The closest thing to a sexual interaction outside of flirting with a fellow hypersexual friend was sexting with someone who lived halfway across the world, which lasted half a week before it got problematic.
I don't know how to approach dating, even without worrying about being hypersexual and being affected by at least 3 neurological disorders, anxiety, and depression, nearly all waiting for treatment. All of my past relationships came from friends who asked me out, and either ended because they moved or because of my ADHD. I'm also very underweight for my age, being around 5'6-5'7 and 46kg, thanks to issues with food I've had all my life that have made me hate myself even more . Along with all that, my brain seems to despise holding on to money, with it either fueling countless hobbies (Warhammer, figure collecting, diorama making, LEGO, animation, ect) or gifting others things or paying for their stuff, including weirdly their dates. And I spill my own thoughts and secrets like my mouth is a funnel.
Overall, I just need any form of advice because I'm getting so sexually frustrated and deprived that if someone random messaged me "hey, meet me here at [insert time] and I'll jerk you off," I would probably go even with the risks I used to consider.
p.s. Sorry if it's muddled, and thanks for at least reading